Second chances

Life is crazy! Each year as I sit and watch the waves roll in and crash on the shore, I reflect on the year gone by and the lessons gained, blessings and trials that I have overcome. 

Each year brings time for reflection. Each year, as I sit and reflect, I am grateful for the opportunities I have been blessed with and grateful for more experiences under my belt and a closer progression to my Father in Heaven. 

As I have reflected deeply this year, my thoughts and feelings have become overwhelmed with so many emotions. 

There has never been a crazier year in my life. The beach, over the years, has brought reflections of my mom passing away, my marriage to Thomas, the birth of Hayden, mourned miscarriages and failed adoptions, personal trials and triumphs. This year is different than all the rest. As I sat on the beach and reflected, my heart swelled with gratitude that I am blessed to just be here. I was given a second and third and fourth chance at life. I realize all too well the reality that I should not be sitting here watching from earth but in all reality should be just visiting from life after death. 

As I watched Hayden run up to me and hand me his boogie board to watch, my heart grew in love and admiration for this new chance on life I have been given. It is a crazy life. One filled with the unknown, painful days and long sleepless nights. A life filled with constant concern of the next seizure hitting and taking me to the dreadful place that my swelling brain relapses to. I am frightened to do menial tasks such as climb into a car or walk into a movie theater. Yet, I am here. I get to still have earth life experiences with a body that although frail and weak and unreliable is still amazing. I get to hear my son's voice and soak in his laughter. I get to feel the touch of my sweet husband and embrace those I love. 

This year has been unbelievably hard. It has caused me to muster more strength than I could have ever imagined. It has stretched my faith and caused me to quake with pain and torment. I have also been the recipient of my Savior's love and care more times than I deserved. I have been blessed with miracles, showered with love and surrounded with earthly and heavenly angels to administer to me. 

Yes. Reflection is a funny thing. It eases the pain. Strengthens the resolve. Fills the soul with gratitude. More clearly defines the miracles. And comforts the heart. Just as the waves of the tide are constant and steady, so is our Savior's love. Always there. Always ready for us and always inviting. 

I am very grateful to have this second chance on life. 

Momma's Boy!

Uncle Jake was teasing Hayden and telling him he was such a momma's boy. Hayden without even missing a beat said, "You are just jealous because you wanted to be a momma's boy and you couldn't since your mom died." 

We all laughed. Uncle Jake agreed that had Grandma Sue not died when he was little, that he indeed would have been a momma's boy. Hayden later added that since he almost lost his mom, he would always be proud and thankful to be known as a momma's boy. 

Melt my heart! Love my boy and his witty little sense of humor! 

Farmers Market

We took it easy today. I started the morning with seizures and didn't dare to go do anything but rest. Hayden was tired so we played games, watched movies and just enjoyed the ocean from our balcony. 

Thursday nights are fun in Oceanside with a farmer's market street fair. There are food booths galore, dozens of booths to purchase fair type items, yummy goodies and of course, toys. 

Hayden has been saving money for the street fair knowing there would be items that were a total find. He first found his treasured para cord bracelets and picked out two that were perfect. As we were leaving, he found the score of a lifetime. A wood crossbow and three arrows. He gladly paid the $10 for the set. Then he convinced Kiley to get one, too. They had a great time playing as the newest superhero duo. 

Hayden said they joined the crime fighting duos of Shawn and Gus, Hantzel and Gretel, Katniss and Peta and Batman and Robin. They ran thru the condo fighting crime. 

Aunt Suzi then made their evening by taking them to fight crime on the Oceanside Pier. 

While these two fight crime, I decided to lay down and enjoy the beautiful and relaxing sounds of the ocean. Life is definitely better on the beach. Hayden has changed his lifelong goal to making enough money to purchase a home on the beach! He is convinced he was born to be a California resident!

Beach observations

I am so relieved that the beach is bringing cooler temperatures and less problems. The seizures and episodes have decreased drastically over here. I guess the swelling in my brain is decreasing with the cooler temperatures. 

A couple of weeks back, I had another neurologist appointment. My mastoid bone and the brain area right above it is infected, swollen and so inflamed that it is causing problems. The infection is so rampant that it has destroyed part of my skull bone and is causing inflammation. Scar tissue is also accumulating into a mass, just inside the brain. Not good. At least they have identified part of where the problems are coming. 

Options in the medical world are frightening, at best. Remove the infection and scar tissue. The complications and outcomes are not pleasant. Although this neurologist knew little about it and only knew to send me to another specialist. 

As I was sitting in the office being told the news, my heart was overcome in peace. I was prompted to go to the all natural doctors for guidance and treatment. I am working closely with them on what to do next. 

I was so scared to come to Cali. Although the doctors said it would be so beneficial in the swelling decreasing, I just wasn't sure. Before I left, my sweet husband offered a priesthood blessing. I was given beautiful promises. Most of all, I was reassured that the beach, with my family, was where I needed to be for healing. 

As I sit and  watch most of the excitement down below my balcony, I am filled with gratitude that I am here. 

Gratitude that I get to be in this beautiful weather. Gratitude for this amazing experience and vacation. Gratitude that I survived this past year and am alive to enjoy this sweet vacation with those I love. Gratitude swells in my heart for the love I have for my Father in Heaven and older brother Jesus Christ. Without their love, protection, mercy and miracles, I would not be here to experience this great vacation with my family. 

Sitting on the beach, overlooking the vast ocean, I am reminded of the love my Father in Heaven and Savior have for me. I am so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The world is so vast, so big, with so many of my brothers and sisters walking this earth. Millions more that have come before and millions that are yet to have their time on earth. But, my Savior knows me. Watches out for me. Protects me. And blesses me and those I love. I matter to him. It is such a humbling and overwhelming feeling. The creator of this beautiful ocean knows and loves me. Each day he blesses me, watches out for me and loves me. I am in awe at his love for me. Overwhelmingly wonderful!

Beach adventures

Being at the beach a week longer than usual and a week earlier than most of the gang, means new traditions and adventures to be had. 

This morning, we hear Uncle Jake yelling, "Hayden! Hayden!" From the beach. Hayden walked out on the balcony and below his chariot awaited. Jake and David had rented a seven person bicycle and were riding it down the beach. He absolutely loved it! Hayden wants this definitely put on our annual "to do at the beach" list! Definitely a new favorite. 

Another new tradition is a cousin slumber party. Hayden loves having the girls over for a movie party. Aunt Suzi went and bought an air mattress so the kids could sleep outside on the balcony. Instead they opted for a movie and ice cream party. Cotton candy Thrifty ice cream, no less, made the party. 

Of course, Hayden was the only one who made it awake until the end of the movie. The others crashed quickly. Kaylee even left her friends for an evening with us. 

I love listening to the girls and all of their drama. Makes me really glad that Hayden is a boy and is relatively drama free. But oh how I love the girls. 

Hayden is loving every minute of his cousins being around. He was introduced to a new point of view because the girls think he is the luckiest alive that he is an only child. They would love to trade places. He of course, would love to have a bunch of siblings. It was a great conversation with each of them pointing out all the blessings and good points in each other's lives. Always good to see things from another perspective but especially those you look up to and adore. 

Our beach adventure is great! If only Thomas were with us. Also looking forward to all the rest of the Simonton's showing up for the next week worth of beach fun!

Surf lessons

First of all, we made it to the beach! Suzi, Hayden and I took off very early Sunday morning and drove to Oceanside. With relatively few episodes, only three seizures, we made it! (Too bad one of those seizures was in a restaurant in San Diego whole eating breakfast at the table. There is a first time for everything!) 

I was so happy to feel the ocean breeze on my face, to smell the salty but sweet ocean air and let my heart reset to the rhythm of the ocean waves. 

When I pull I to Oceanside, my heart is at home. So many good memories rush in and my heart smiles. 

First morning on the beach was beautiful. Hayden, for the first time, was really wanting to be in the ocean and riding waves. Without Thomas here, there was no one to really work with him and teach him the tricks. Suzi went and put him in surf school with a personal instructor. He loved it! He did great! Within the hour, he was up and riding and catching waves. He was in heaven! He loved learning to surf instead of boogie boarding. 

He is ready now to keep up with all the rest of the cousins in the waves instead of just playing in the sand. His first love is the sand but I love that he has also developed a love for the waves. 

I love sitting on the balcony and just listening to the ocean and watching the people on the beach. Yesterday, I spent a long time watching a golden lab catch a ball way out in the ocean. The owner would throw the ball into the waves, and the dog would jump the waves and catch the ball. On the way in, he would turn, look for a wave and ride it in. The dog was literally playing catch while body surfing. Too funny! 

Plus, if almost a third of my day entails napping. There is no better place to take a snooze than on the balcony overlooking the beach and listening to the waves. Just heaven!

First day....success! So grateful I made it here and am able to enjoy the ocean with Hayden, Suzi and Jake's gang! What a great day!

Happy 4th of July

I love the Fourth of July and the celebration with family and friends. I love singing "God bless the U.S.A." and "I am Proud to be an American". My heart swells with pride as each note is sung and each firework is lit off. I've having a family discussion of all the blessings we have of living in this great land and the freedoms it provides us. 

Since I lived for 18 months out of the USA in Korea, I appreciate all the big and little blessings America has to offer. We are so richly blessed in this land. It is the Landon opportunity and freedom. I am so grateful for the gifts this great land provides. 

Since I was to able to go out in the heat this year, we had to forgo the usual 4 th of July activities such as swimming and barbecues. Instead we opted for an 8:00am movie of Despicable Me 2. It was cute. Unfortunately, not even being home before 10:30am, was enough to keep me safe. On the way home from the movies, the passing out started and so did the seizures. Not fun. We temporarily laid in bed while waiting for the episodes to calm down and pass. 

All afternoon, Thomas helped Hayden and I pack for our beach trip. Boy will we miss him. We watched movies, played games and enjoyed our sweet family. We played with Max. We cuddled on the couch. We talked of our freedoms and watched fireworks shows on tv. Thomas and Hayden went outside to catch a few live fireworks. We ate ice ream shakes and loved one another. 

It was a different fourth but a relaxing and wonderful one. 

I am grateful for this great land that I am blessed to live in. I am grateful for the freedoms I have here such as opportunities and freedom of religion. I am s grateful for all those who fight and serve and selflessly give of their time to keep me and my family free. I am grateful to God and pray he will continue to bless this great land that we live in. 

Happy Birthday, America! I am so thankful to live in the land of the free and the home of the brave!