21 Years

I can't believe that it has been 21 years since my mom passed away. Each year brings more understanding of what it must have been like for her to leave us behind. Looking back, it is interesting to see how perspective changes. I used to only think about how her death affected me and my life. Today, I have reflected more on her and the things she has missed out on than what I have missed not having her. I can't imagine being in her shoes and having to leave behind Thomas and Hayden. It would tear me apart to have to say goodbye to them and leave them in this world without me. I'm sure it must have been very painful for her.

That being said, I am also very grateful today. I am grateful for the knowledge I have of eternal families. I am grateful to know that someday, when I cross into the next life, that I will be greeted by her open arms and again feel her sweet spirit and love for me. I am grateful for the gospel and the sweet peace it brings in my life. I am thankful for the loving family that I have here on earth. Not only Thomas and Hayden but so many family members and friends that I love dearly. I'm so very grateful that families can be together forever, even after death. It is such a comforting and peaceful blessing in my life.

In order to celebrate my mom's life and give Hayden the opportunity to learn more about Grandma Sue, we had a special dinner for her. I remember going to IHOP a lot as a child. My mom loved the different syrups and having breakfast for dinner. Some years we go to IHOP to celebrate her life. This year, I decided to make a special breakfast dinner at home. Thomas made pigs in a blanket, chocolate milk and ice cream sundaes for dessert. Yummy!

During dinner I told Hayden fun stories about Grandma Sue and things she liked and did. His favorite story is after I had been in labor with him for about 17 hours, I looked up toward the heavens and said, "Mom, you've held him long enough. It is my turn!" Right after I said that, Hayden was born. He thinks it is hilarious that she didn't want to let him go. He still loves that Toby and Bear (our dogs that were hit by a car) are living with Grandma Sue. We talked about roller coasters, ice cream, how she loved every stray dog, cat and child that needed love. How she loved Disneyland and was the same size as Mickey Mouse. We talked about her being a school teacher and that she always made me chocolate chip cookies when it rained. What a special evening.

To top off the evening, I decided to read Christmas stories to Hayden before bed. I told Hayden that like me, Grandma Sue loved Christmas and everything about it. We ended up reading the book Giving Chest by Dan Farr. Excellent book! At the very end of the book I read these words, "Not gone, just gone on ahead. Forever our guardian". Hayden didn't understand why as I read these words, I had tears rolling down my face. It was once again a sweet reminder that my mom isn't gone. She is more apart of my life than I realize. I am who I am because of her love. She is still here and when I need her, her words still come to my mind and I can hear her guidance, love and encouragement. She has just gone on ahead to prepare the way for the rest of us. I am so blessed to have been her daughter.