Changing Tides

It has been a long time since I blogged. I am so behind, so every time I sit down, I am not even sure where to begin. So much has happened....

I couldn't let another day go by without expressing the gratitude that we feel for the events that have unfolded in our lives.

During December, my health continued to deteriorate to a point that Thomas and I were getting very scared. We were searching for answers, seeing all kinds of doctors, and searching anywhere and everywhere for answers and medical help. With each passing day, I seemed to be getting sicker, having more seizures, the pain was ever increasing and my world seemed to be crumbling. We were at a loss as to where to go or what to do to achieve any type of help.

During this time it seemed as if I was being sustained day by day, breath by breath, only by the mercy of our Savior. I knew then that I was being carried by Him and that He was helping to give my body the ability to survive day to day. I felt it. I lived it. I knew that without His power and His help that my body was at a point of giving out. I literally felt my Savior carrying me throughout each day.

Not knowing where else to turn, Thomas asked the Bishop to meet with us. I cried. I was so tired. I was so worn out. I struggled to talk with the Bishop, much less anyone else. As we sat in his office, one by one, he called in different priesthood holders... the entire bishopric, elders quorum president, our home teachers and a member of the stake presidency. The room was crowded and in a circle stood some of the most incredible men I look up to, but my eyes focused on my dear husband. I could feel my body giving into its human frailties. I knew that unless a complete miracle was wrought in my life, that my body did not have much more fight left in it. I knew that I was losing my ability to control my body. I was scared.

As the tears flowed, my dear Bishop stood and bore his testimony of the gospel and of the priesthood power. He explained that the Priesthood was the Lord's power to bring about miracles on this earth. He testified of its power. He testified that through the priesthood the Lord still worked miracles on the earth today. As he spoke, the tears continued to flow freely from my eyes, I couldn't control them nor would I have been able to adequately put into words what was happening to me at that moment. I could feel so much love, so much devotion to my Savior. It was as if I was being given to "see" exactly how close I had come to my Savior during this trial. I was able to feel the power of the priesthood so strongly, the priesthood power that I had learned to so heavily rely on to sustain my life when I wasn't sure how to keep going. I felt the power that righteous priesthood holders actually have on this earth. The tears turned from sadness, overwhelmed feelings and fear to those of gratitude, love and peace. I felt my Savior envelop me in His love and His peace. My tears then turned to tears of complete gratitude and appreciation for the trial that I had been given. I was able to see what a blessing this entire experience had been and how I learned more than I could have in any other way.

Then, one of the most amazing events in my life took place. These great men gathered in a circle around me, placed their hands on my head and in unison, utilizing the power of the priesthood that they were all worthy to hold, they called down the powers of heaven and asked for the Lord to perform a miracle in my behalf. The words that were spoken were some that I will always cherish. The Lord expressed to me teachings that I needed to learn, beautiful words of peace and inspiration, guidance and direction of where to turn. I was also given a promise that the Lord would help me find answers, help and healing. My tears turned again to now they were flowing with overwhelming gratitude for the experience that I had just been blessed with. Tears of gratitude, love and peace flowed freely with awe of my Heavenly Father's love for me. His knowledge of every feeling I had, expressed or hidden.

As the blessing was ended and the hands of those priesthood holders were removed from my head, I felt the power of the Lord. I felt His overwhelming love. I felt the peace that only can be found through Him.

I felt so much hope. So much love. So much peace. I knew that from that point, whatever happened that it was all in the Lord's hands.

I have spent every morning since in sincere prayer and have handed each decision and each fork in the road over to my Savior. I am so grateful for this experience. It changed me. I have always had a testimony of the gospel, prayer and the priesthood but the depth of my testimony has increased, and my love for the Savior has grown more than words can adequately express.

We are seeing the words spoken in that priesthood blessing coming to fruition. I am getting healthier. I am getting stronger. I am feeling better. I am getting my life back. Not any life, but the life that my Savior intended for me to have. It is a great life and one I am so grateful for. I am most grateful for the relationship that I have gained with my Savior. I am so grateful that He does still perform miracles on this earth today. I am standing as proof one of them.

My fight is not over. I am still battling the frailties of my human body. I still am relying on the Lord to help me get through each day. However, I am seeing progress each day. I am feeling better. I have hope that with the Lord's help, the doctors that he is guiding me to and doing everything I can to regain my health that I will come out of this better than I went into it. It is a daily struggle yet I can see the progress being made. The tides have turned. Instead of getting sicker by the day, I feel my strength and health coming back. Words cannot express my gratitude.