It has been a long couple of weeks. On Tuesday, Sept. 4th, the Mayo doctors called to check on me and see how I was doing. When I relayed the weekend and all I had been through (spiking headaches, vision loss, deep sleeping for 14 hours plus at a time, severe pain, hallucinations, nausea, weakness, exhaustion, swelling and pressure) the neurologist absolutely flipped out. She was a wreck and told me that they were sending an ambulance to put me in ICU. I told her that I was doing a little better. After consulting with the head neurologist in charge of my case, she called back and asked what I had done. I explained that everyone fasted for me and prayed. Her response was, "You Prayed? That's all?"
After she calmed down some, she explained that the meningitis had turned into encephalitis. The vision loss should have been permanent. I had slipped into a subtle coma and should have died.
I was a mess as the day unfolded, doctors calling, treatment options being discussed, ICU as a real possibility and fear of the unknown set in. I called my sweet husband who went out to his car and offered a prayer of peace. As he prayed, I felt the Holy Ghost wrap me in His love. It felt like a blanket was being wrapped around me and I was protected from the world. I felt the Savior gently remind me that He was in charge of the outcome, not the doctors. As long as it was His will that I live, I will. I relaxed as a deep peace encircled my entire body.
Jodi sat with me while the events of the day played out. I appreciated so much her continued sacrifice of her time, for me. She has put her life on hold to help me. Words cannot express my gratitude.
Anyways, the doctors determined that whatever was happening, my body was fighting the illness. My body was trying to heal. That in and of itself was fantastic news because it was unknown if my body would be able to heal.
Since that moment, my body has had ups and downs. The meningitis and encephalitis continued to hold on for almost two more weeks. The pain would worsen and I would have tender mercies of relief when I could no longer handle the pain. The Lord in His mercy blessed me with sleep. I sleep a lot. In fact, I sleep way more than I am awake, with some days only being awake 4 hours all day.
The road has been long. I have not walked it alone. My Savior has been so close continuously sending me people to help to lift me up. I have had so many people that have sacrificed and showed so much love to me and my family. I have been blessed to feel the Spirit's comfort when I no longer feel I can walk this road. I have been uplifted by so many bringing sweet gifts, loving meals, delicious treats, flowers, cards of encouragement, taking Hayden on adventures, massages, uplifting texts and most importantly prayers from so so many.
I resume treatments tomorrow. I am hopeful that my body accepts the treatments with ease and not many complications. The doctors will try to minimize the side effects. I am relying on my Father in Heaven and trusting that regardless of what happens, how much pain I must endure or how sick my body gets, that He will again pull me through this and any other trials that are placed in my path.
My testimony has grown so much during this illness. I have learned and been reassured that the Father knows me personally. He knows me and what I need better than I know myself. He loves me. He sends me what I need, whether people, blessings, tender mercies or treatments, exactly when I most need them. I have learned to rely on Him so deeply. I trust Him. I know that He will not leave me.
Many people have asked if I would have known what this last year would have entailed, would have I endured it or given up. I am grateful I didn't know what was ahead of me. I would have never thought I would have been strong enough to handle it. I wouldn't want to go through the pain and unknowing again, but I am so so so grateful for what I have gained. I am grateful for where I am today. I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father that gave me what I needed. I wouldn't trade what I have learned for anything. I am so grateful for my relationship with my Father in Heaven and my Savior. I have come to really know them and truly love them. I understand much more clearly the love they have for me. The relationship I have with each of them is priceless to me. Thomas and I have grown closer together. Hayden has gained a testimony of his Savior and how the priesthood works and that the Lord knows him. I have realized that I have so many people on this earth, and those that have gone on before that love me. These are priceless and treasured gifts.
Would I go through it again? To get where I am today.... yes. I would endure all the pain, all the fear, all the uncertainty, all the treatments and testing to feel the arms of my Savior wrap around me, to feel my Father in Heaven's love, to experience the tender mercies sent just for me and feel so loved by so many. Absolutely. For through this trial and heartache, I have come to know firsthand the joy that my Savior can and does bring. I know He loves me, Jerlyn Murphy. He loves the person I am today, not just the person I have the potential of becoming. That is an absolutely priceless gift and one that I would be willing to sacrifice a lot for.
Maybe it isn't finding the blessing in the trial..... maybe the trial IS the blessing.
1 comment:
You are amazing! Your faith and testimony...bless all who are around you!
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