Goodbye 42. Welcome 43.

For anyone that has kept up on my life at all, it won't surprise you that I am glad to have my forty-secondth year behind me. I have mixed emotions when I look back on this past year. Don't get me wrong, I am most grateful that I survived this year and am still alive. But it has tried me and tested me, strengthened my faith, brought miracles and at moments I would have gladly succumbed to death to escape the horrific depths of pain I faced. 

So as I turn another year older today, my heart is full of gratitude as I reminisce about the past year. 

My 42nd year started with an immune system transplant, brought bouts with seizures, short lived comas, four different battles of meningitis, hundreds of doctors visits, had a half of dozen different doctors give me less than a week to live, took what I thought were some of my final breaths, spent months in excruciating pain and have survived against all odds. 

Along with the challenges I have faced, my 42nd year brought more miracles and love than I could have ever imagined. I was the recipient of genuine Christlike service from more people than I can count. Heart touching moments were numerous and I have never felt more love. Cupcakes for a Cure touched my heart in ways I could never express. I felt surrounded in love. I have had the life altering experience of being taught by my Savior. I have felt his loving arms around me as I struggled to breathe. I have be encircled in the arms of love of those on this earth and those that have gone before. My testimony has been strengthened. My gratitude has grown exponentially. My love for my Savior, family and friends is without express able words. 

I have been surrounded by incredible family and friends. I have had the support and care of genuinely Christlike people. I have never loved my husband more. He has served and loved me every single day. I have been wrapped in the arms of my loving son. He has made me smile and brought incredible joy to my heart and soul. They have given me the strength to survive beyond all earthly abilities. Along with my amazing extended family and friends, they have all buoyed me up and brought strength well beyond my own. 

Most of all, my Savior has loved me, brought beautiful priesthood blessings and worked amazing miracles in my life. I am still on this earth because of the love of my Savior. My heart has never felt such gratitude, love or complete thanksgiving for all I have been blessed with and given. 

So, as I close this year and start a new one, I am hoping for healing. Praying for answers. Pleading for the strength of my body to heal itself. I know all of these blessings will come only at the mercy and love of my Savior. But I know if it is his will, I will survive and against all odds find healing. If it is not our Savior's will, I will be forever grateful for these moments I spent in the refiners fire so that I could be sanctified to know my Savior. To have the blessing of his companionship, the recipient of his tender mercies and to have spent the beautiful moments with my loved ones. 

Yes. 42 was a crazy year. The most painful, most trying, most compassionate, most heartfelt, loving and incredible year anyone could ever experience. I am grateful my Savior loved me enough to allow me to experience a lifetime of learning in a single year. 

I pray that my 43rd year brings healing and joy and love. 

Regardless. I am so grateful for the incredible group of earthly angels that have surrounded me and loved me every single day. I am forever grateful!