August, along with significant health challenges, brought a bunch of financial challenges. With me being sick and out of work for so long, trying to juggle all the balls and keep them in the air, was getting harder and harder. We knew it would be no time until we would have to face the music and lose our home we so dearly loved. With the medical bills mounting and me getting sicker, we were getting more buried in debt.
By September, there was no more juggling. All the balls came colliding and crashing down. The fact that despite doing everything we could, losing our home was inevitable. We decided the time had come to break it to Hayden.
One of the hardest conversations of my life was sitting Hayden down and telling him that we were going to have to move. But we didn't know where we would go. We had no money to even put down to rent a place. Buying a smaller home, out of the question, but worse yet, not being able to afford rent or a deposit.
How do you tell a child that you can no longer provide a roof over their head?
With the Savior, in prayer, we sat Hayden down. We talked to him about the things that make a home. It isn't the walls or cabinets or furniture but the love inside that matters. We went thru the house asking him the last time each particular wall or fixture or decor piece brought him true happiness and joy. He laughed as we walked the house.
When we hit the bedroom and asked about our bed, he said, yes. It makes me happy because we cuddle and read and have pillow fights and talk and laugh.
I smiled and reassured him that those things are "us". The three of us together are happy and do those same things at the beach or home or wherever we are. We bring each other joy, not things or material possessions.
I loved the smile that spread ear to ear when he understood completely what the difference was between a house a home.
From there, we explained that with mom being sick, we could no longer afford this particular house. Hayden asked what the plan was. And my heart sunk. No words came. Then, as a wave of peace swept thru our home, I promised my dear son that the Savior has provided, stepped in and provided for us time and time and time again over the past. He certainly would not forget us now. That although we were not currently certain of where we would end up, that our dear Savior had a plan. We just needed to trust him.
We talked of sacrifices and complete trust in the Savior.
In true Hayden fashion, a lightbulb went off. He ran over and embraced me, smile ear to ear, with everything he could muster. He then said words that were well beyond his years and what I needed to hear.
He said, "Mom, I get it. The Savior kept you alive. He stepped in. So he exchanged you for the house."
With tears in my eyes, I said yes.
He then went on to say, "I am so grateful the Savior took our house instead of you."
We talked. We hugged. Then the words out of my boys mouth will forever ring in my heart. "Mom, it's kind of like Abraham and Issac. Heavenly Father was going to make Abraham sacrifice Isaac. Abraham walked in faith, not understanding but being obedient. When Heavenly Father saw that Abraham would be obedient, he provided a lamb to sacrifice instead of Isaac. That is kind of like this. Heavenly Father knew me and dad really needed you. But there had to still be some sacrifice. A trade. So you are Isaac and the house is he lamb. Our replacement sacrifice."
With tears in my eyes, I embraced my boy and Thomas embraced us both.
Yes. I simply reassured him. Yes.
Thoughts raced thru my mind. As I realized the truth behind my dear son's words. Gratitude and peace filled my soul. All fear and doubt and uneasiness departed. We had each other. Nothing else mattered.
If the moment would have ended there, I would have been forever grateful and at peace. And comforted.
But then, Hayden added words that were simply beyond his years and understanding. He said, "Mom, what I have never understood is why when Heavenly Father and the Savior provide an alternate sacrifice that people would complain instead of be grateful. It's like they say, oh but why do I have to sacrifice the lamb. I want the lamb, sacrifice something that doesn't matter to me. Mom, I promise, I will never complain that The Lord asked me to sacrifice the house for you. I mean, that's crazy. Yes, the house is nice, but you are what is important. I can replace the house. No one or nothing could replace you. I would choose you over the house any day. I love you, mom."
Tears swelled in my eyes as I hugged Hayden so tight. I saw this boy. My eleven year old son grasped concepts adults struggle with. He understood the gospel and principle of sacrifice at the truest level. He wasn't freaking out but calm.
I then remembered the saying "sometimes the Father calms the raging storm but most often he calms his child."
With tears in my eyes, we offered a prayer of gratitude and thankfulness to our Father on Heaven. No requests. Just a sheer prayer of gratitude.
The Spirit was so strong in our home. Love filled every inch. Fear and anxiety and apprehension was replaced with peace, reassurance and love.
All was going to be ok. The Savior had spared my life time and time again. Nothing else mattered. Thomas, Hayden and I would be happy wherever we found ourselves. Location. Address. They no longer mattered. Hayden was right. We would never complain to our Father in Heaven because we didn't like the lamb he choose. We would just be grateful for the alternative sacrifice he so lovingly provided us.
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