Acceptance

2 years and 10 months.  That is the time it took for me to accept the inevitable. We needed to sell the car because I was no longer able to drive and would most likely never be able to again. 

Giving up one's freedom is hard. To me, a car respresents freedom. Freedom to go at a mment's notice. Freedom to pick my son up if he gets stranded. Freedom to drive myself to a doctor. Freedom to go to a store. Freedom to pick up milk. Freedom to go have fun. Freedom to be spontaneous. Freedom to be me. Freedom to be alone. Freedom to get away. Freedom to be a mom. Freedom to not rely on everyone else for absolutely everything. 

I am so glad that life comes one day at a time. Line upon line. Precept on precept. Here a little and there a little. 

I cannot imagine if almost 3 years ago, I was told, "you will never drive a car again. You will have to rely on everyone for everything. You will not be able to stand longer than a few moments without passing out. Putting your arms over your head will cause you to collapse. You will not be able to ever be in the sun again. You will not be able to sit in the family room with the windows or door open. You will not be able to go to Hayden's school parties, plays, field trips or activities. You will miss doctor appointments and award ceremonies and play dates and memorable events. You will miss out on so very much. You will be so sick that you will wish you were dead. You will be in excruciating pain. You will endure transplants and comas and meningitis and illness walked by very few. You will loose almost all you valued of yourself. You will no longer be able to do day to day simple things without help."

I would have lost it. I would have thrown in the towel. I would have quit before I ever started. 

But life does come a day at a time; in small increments that we can endure. We don't have to conquer it all at once but one moment at a time, one day at a time. We don't have to look too far ahead or walk with a foot in the past. Today. We are enough for today. We will be given what we need for today. Our Savior's love and help. 

And we can handle and conquer and endure anything we are asked to for one day. 

I know because I could have never handled almost 3 years without driving and without my independence, completely relying on all those around me to help fulfill mine and my family's needs.   But, I have been able to handle, endure and conquer over 1,030 individual days. 

I am grateful that I do not walk alone. I am grateful for each ride given. For each errand ran for our family. I am grateful for a loving Savior that helps me to endure. I am grateful to have learned the importance of one day. 

If I thought about it today, and thought to the next 1,000 plus days, I would be overwhelmed. But I only have to face and endure this day. And that, with my Savior's help, I can do. 

Goodbye car. Thank you for the many miles of fun, the laughter you held, the tears you saw, the moments we will always treasure and all the places you took our family to grow in love. You were such a blessing. But I am finally ready to accept and embrace my future. I have learned to be strong, one day at a time.