He sat us down and explained the state of the tooth as unsalvagable. He was in awe at how quickly it had almost disintegrated. He told me it had to come out. While there, my sweet dentist fixed another tooth, free of charge. Such a great man. Thomas and I left and figured that when our dental insurance kicked back in, I would have the tooth removed. However, my pain grew increasingly worse and the Spirit wouldn't quit nagging at Thomas.
Thomas prayed for guidance and felt inspired to call my dad. My dad felt waiting for January and insurance help was probably our best bet but not without JD taking a look at it. So Thomas sent X-rays on Tuesday evening to JD. As soon as JD was off of work, he called. He asked about the tooth and we discussed everything that had occurred...the vomiting, the nausea, my weakened immune system and all the events unfolding the past several years. He said that the tooth needed to come out immediately and it was not worth losing me over a thousand dollars. He told me to immediately contact the surgeon and he would be shocked if they waited until even Monday to do the surgery.
Phone calls were made on Wednesday morning, and my loving father wrote a check for the surgery. All of it. He said I was worth saving. I was so touched. He was concerned with the diagnosis JD gave and sincerely felt awful that I had to continue to walk this painful and miserable path of ill health. Tears of joy and gratitude streamed down my face out of gratitude and love.
Thursday was a crazy day as Jodi and her sweet children came to visit and drop off Talmage for the weekend. I loved every minute they were here but was in so much pain. I was terrified for the surgeon visit yet knew the path that lay ahead of me. Seeing my sister gave me the courage and added strength to face those next moments of decision making and endure the torment associated with the embarrassment of my teeth.
I was so grateful Thomas was able to meet me at the surgeons office. The office explained that they were booked for two weeks due to everyone trying to utilize their health care savings plans. The thought of enduring this pain two weeks and having surgery just before Christmas was awful. I said a silent prayer for guidance. The surgeon came in and looked at the X-ray and spoke to me and reassured me that this was all of my health condition and not a direct result of anything I did or didn't do. In fact, he told me to stop trying so hard. He then explained the severity of the infection, the disintegration of the tooth and the health concerns for my safety. He scheduled surgery at 6:30am the following morning to remove the shattered tooth, infected jaw and gums and clean the area.
Friday morning came early and before I knew it they were applying laughing gas and an IV line. I don't remember much besides almost falling out to the chair and them trying to wake me up. Julie brought me home for a day of ice packs and pain meds and trying to endure.
The past several days have been miserable. Filled with throbbing and bleeding and pain and long suffering. But there have been so many tender mercies. Hayden was wonderful with Talmage. Talmage was so sweet and caring. Julie and Suzi and Lisa and so many helping out. I felt very loved.
My life is crazy. The pain continues. The surgeries and illnesses and diagnosis seem unyielding. I feel the constant pressure of moving from one illness or trial to the next. I feel the reign of illness in my body. I long for the day I will be made whole again. That the physical torment of this mortal body will cease. But then I think of the joy in Hayden's smile and in Thomas' touch. The way that I feel when I see my sister and her children walk through my front door. The peace I feel as I sit with those that lovingly sacrifice so much for our family. I am reminded that although my body suffers and is ill, I am incredibly blessed. There are so many things to be grateful for. As I lie awake and in pain, I am grateful my life was again spared. That I may spend more precious day with those I love and adore.
I read a quote from our beloved general authorities today and if it wasn't 3am, I would probably try to locate it. Instead. I will summarize. "Life doesn't always come in the package we planned. It doesn't promise us the outcome or journey we expect. However, if we are to let The Lord lead, our view may be different and the journey a different course than we set down, but if we allow the Savior to take the broken pieces, we can again find joy and healing. And the journey can still be wonderful."
This life wasn't what I wanted or expected or pictured. But I am grateful I am still here to experience it. Each day is truly a remarkable gift. Pain or misery can set us back but not hold us down. We have a choice...is it a stumbling block or a stepping stone?
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