I talked with the nurses and students calmly and precisely. I followed their instructions as they hooked me up to sweat tests and monitors and began the testing. I was in awe of the peace.
For the first 20 minutes, I was hooked to an autonomic sweat test. As the liquid was poured in and the burning and needle pricking began, I just felt peace. I thought of how Q96 has blessed our lives. How much more in control I am of my thoughts. I gave thanks for comforting priesthood blessings. I felt such gratitude for my Savior that wraps me in His love and blankets me in His peace. I felt a heart bursting over with gratitude for all I have been given.
This road of poking and testing, illness, sickness, bedrest, passing out, seizures and so much more has not been an easy road. It has pushed me beyond any humanly limits. I have walked the edge of despair and exhausting pain.
However, these trials have given me so much more. For in walking each moment in such torment, I found the only one who could help me. My Savior.
Sure. We were close before my illness. In fact, I would have said I was dear friends with Him. But in walking my own path, I have come to know my Savior, on a much deeper and more personal level. I know He will never leave me. I am His precious child whom He loves. He is immediately there for me. I matter to Him. I'm so grateful for that relationship. And the joy and overwhelming comfort it brings.
As they proceeded to do each of the five sets of tests, I remained calm. My breathing kept time with the bouncing ball. I smiled when they had to get heating pads to get blood flow into my extremities. Then came the dreaded tilt table test. I hate the feelings and stress that comes.
They strapped me down to the bed. I couldn't feel the strap across my legs. And up I went.... Instantaneously the headache started and the fullness on my head began. Then the lightheaded ness set in... Soon the dizziness... The flickering lights.... The bouncing room. As I continued to click down time, the nurse told the student how to write down my symptoms. Then, the shaking started and the tremors. I saw the nurse grab the clipboard from the student and frantically write. The intense light sensitivity stared and the pain behind my right eye increased. I could hardly open my eyes. The nauseau was hitting almost unbearable. The room continued to spin and move. Then I could no longer feel my feet as they went numb.
I was so relieved as they laid me back flat. The intensity in my head continued. They told me I had to lay down until my system reset and my symptoms were gone. I told them that they would continue for the next 24 hours. So they let me go. I needed to eat protein to ease the symptoms. Fasting wasn't helping my symptoms.
They let me go. I was so relieved to have the testing behind me. One step closer to relief. I was thrilled to be able to go back on my heart meds. The day made me sicker as my body tried to readjust to meds and the testing. I spent the rest of the day in bed or the bathroom so so sick. I was grateful for relief of bedtime and being able to sleep.
Regardless of the pain and sickness, the peace remained. I felt a calm reassurance. All is well. I don't know if that means the doctors would figure out what is wrong or if that meant the tests would convince insurance to pay for treatment or if the testing would give hidden clues we have log been searching for. Regardless, I knew that the tests had done their job. I knew I was protected. I knew that all was well. Regardless of the outcome or results, this was in my loving Father in Heaven's hands. And He was wrapping His loving arms around me. I am His. And therefore all is well.
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