Pain and the atonement

I used to think I understood the atonement. I was a missionary for 18 months and taught the most important part of our beliefs, the atonement and plan of salvation for mankind. I thought I understood. I thought my understanding of the atonement to erase my sins was complete. 

Oh how this illness has expanded and enlightened me on our Savior's loving atonement. Yes, my SVior suffered for my sins in Gethsemanee and bore all the heartache and pain I have caused others. He suffered for my wrong doings. He suffered for my sins. And I am so grateful for His selfless act. 

This illness has brought on a new understanding.  The atonement also bore my illness. For a moment during His suffering, He felt my pain, my illness, my disease and my limitations. He felt the unfairness of how I have been judged and shunned. He bore the unfairness of this illness and the trials this life brings. He bore my heartache. He bore my pain. He bore the unfairness of life. 

The atonement is so personal now to my heart. I understand that there is nothing I have experienced or will ever experience that my Savior has not already experienced first. I do not walk alone. I do not bear my sufferings alone. My Savior carries me. He understands. He holds me. He loves me dearly. He has never and will never leave me alone. 

My gratitude for the Savior, my Savior, is beyond words. But it fills my entire heart.