Jodi's Ward

Jodi and Troy spoke in church and Thomas and I had the pleasure of sitting with their kiddos during church. The talk they were asked to speak on was President Monson's talk on where did we come from? Why are we here? Where are we going?

As Jodi discussed this topic during the week, we had many great conversations about these questions. I feel so blessed to really know the answers to those to questions. To have the knowledge and understanding that I lived with a loving Heavenly Father and my older brother Jesus Christ in the pre-existence, in heaven, before coming to this earth to receive a body. We are here on this earth to be tried and tested to see if we will remain faithful to our Father in Heaven. To make choices each day to follow the plan that the Father set forth. To gain a body and learn how to control it. Then, someday, when this life is through, we will die, leave this earth life, but we will continue to live. Our Spirits will be reunited with our loved ones that have gone on before us.

What an incredible knowledge. What a road map. The universal questions of life... where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? I know the answers to those questions and am so lucky to be able to teach Hayden and help him come to his own understanding and beliefs to the answers for these questions himself.

As Jodi spoke, she used mortal experiences to explain why knowing who we are and where we came from are so critical to making decisions in our day to day lives. And, why knowing that this life is the middle, not the end, is so critical.

I was not ready for how she tied my life into her talk. She explained that as I have had miracles and lived through the impossible, save only for my Savior intervening, that I have learned so much. She told how much stronger I am and more equipped with experiences to teach Hayden. She lovingly talked about me being able to endure more because I understand that this life is not the end. No matter what happens to me, I will see Hayden and Thomas again, and continue to be a family with them in the next life.

She expressed how I now take more moments to really talk to Hayden about the Plan of Salvation. I take every opportunity that I can to teach him important gospel lessons and how they apply every day. I use these teaching moments to help Hayden understand that this life is not the end. It is simply one step in the process of becoming more like our Savior.

Jodi was chocked up a couple of times while expressing how my relationship with my Savior has become so much more deep and meaningful during this trial. She is right, I have had quite the challenges, endured more pain that I would have thought possible, I have been stretched well beyond my limits, but it has been in those moments, that I have developed a greater and deeper relationship with my Savior. I have learned how much he knows me, and loves me. My relationship and trust in Him has grown so deep. I don't know if I could have learned the things I have without walking the path I have been down.

I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven. As Troy stated so wonderfully, life is long, it is a marathon, not a sprint. We have to pace ourselves. In a marathon, there are points when you feel absoutely broken, but it is in those moments that you dig deeper and pull out your inner strength, rely more on the Savior and become and do more than you ever could have, more than was ever possible.

My relationship with my Savior, my greater understanding of who he really is, the depth of my knowledge and love and adoration of my Savior has just exploded.

I am grateful for Jodi and Troy's talks and being able to sit there and have so much gratitude for all that I have learned, all of the priesthood blessings that have helped me gain strength and understanding. The knowledge that I have been blessed with.

What a beautiful knowledge to be able to answer the questions that I know who I am. I know where I came from. Why I am here and know where I am going when my time on this earth is through. I don't know how I would be coping with my illness if it were not for this eternal knowledge. It grounds me, it helps keep me balanced and helps me to trust my Savior. What a wonderful and priceless blessing that I am so grateful for.

Birthday Celebrations

Everyone was so wonderful to me. I have been spoiled rotten with people trying to be so good to me. Saturday morning, Suzi took me, Thomas and Hayden to a new breakfast place literally right across the street. We wanted T.C. Eggington's but I just didn't have it in me to venture out that far. It was yummy and nice for a quick outing.

I went home and slept while Thomas and Hayden cleaned the entire house. I mean Hayden cleaned both bathrooms, helped with dishes, cleaned his room, toy room, cleaned all the walls/light switches and picked up the entire house. Thomas said he stayed right with him and cleaned for several hours.

Rosie, Suzi and I went to a late lunch at Brio. It was good. I had never been there before. I loved their bread and seeded crackers. Absolutely delicious. Yummy chicken salad, too. Then, we headed to Frost for some yummy peach gelato.

Julie came over and made me a strawberry fields salad for dinner and we watched P.S. I love you. Lots of fun!

Thomas took Hayden to Cambridge's Back to School Party at Mesquite Groves Water Park. They had a great time. They loved having a guys night out. Hayden enjoyed hanging out with some of his new friends from school. And, he loved every minute playing with his dad.

Yep, I have been pretty spoiled, that is for sure. I appreciate all the love everyone has shown me. It is has been so appreciated!

Seizures Galore

I only worked a couple of hours on Friday before I was completely done. My body had been pushed beyond its limits. I had a ton of events of seizures and passing out all afternoon. Jodi called in the early evening and asked if we could do a kid swap. I laugh as it is always Hayden for Talmage. Jodi took Hayden, Brooklyn, Brigham and friends to see the Lorax.

Talmage, Thomas and I cuddled up on the couch and watched a couple of Disney movies. Man, I sure love my cuddle bug. He makes me smile. I love how much he loves being with Thomas and I. He is easy breezy for us. Thomas loves it because when Talmage is around, I don't try to do anything. I just soak up the time with him and cuddle him..... sheer heavenly moments.

Hayden came home, saw that I was cuddling with Talmage and asked if we could watch a movie and cuddle. I couldn't pass up such a wonderful invitation, so Hayden selected a movie, and, as promised, he cuddled on the couch all during the movie. I may have dozed off some, I may not have remembered the movie, I may have gone in and out of consciousness, but what I do remember and cherish is those precious moments that Hayden wanted to sit on the couch, cuddle and watch a movie. I am sure learning to not be busy and take the time to just stop and be present in the moment. And, oh how I relished in each moment of that evening.

IEP Meeting-Cambridge Academy

What a week... started out with major testing at Mayo Clinic and ended with an IEP meeting for Hayden at a new school. I was unsure how things were going at his new school. Poor kid, so many challenges and obstacles to deal with right now. As if nothing was going on in our lives, I decided to rip Hayden from his place of stability where everyone loved him and put him in a new school where he has 5 different teachers instead of one. He switches classes. He is in a new environment. There are new rules and new people to meet. Poor boy.

There is no way I would have switched Hayden schools without the overwhelming feeling that Cambridge Academy is where my boy needed to be. So, the three of us took a leap of faith and with more courage than I have ever seen anyone muster, Hayden has attempted making Cambridge his new school. He has done an INCREDIBLE job! I am so proud of him.

I requested a meeting and Cambridge all came together. All of Hayden's teachers were present along with the principal, the special education teacher and special education director. I was nervous... it was my first IEP meeting without people I knew in the room. My heart was pulled to Hayden and I felt terrible for placing him in this new situation.

As I spoke, I could tell the mood in the room lightened. Yes, I definitely want my son to receive all that he can to help him succeed. Yes, I know the law and what schools are required to provide him with. I also want to be and realize that we are all team players. During the meeting, I could see one by one, each other educator in the room begin to relax and realize that if Hayden is happy and learning and growing, that I am happy and will go overboard to help out.

The Spirit was so strong. I was able to express Hayden's needs clearly and accurately. I was able to ask for helps for him and receive more than I even bargained for. Each teacher had already begun to really care for Hayden and all had felt his sweet spirit and his goodness. One teacher summed it up when she said, "There sure is something special about Hayden. I cannot pinpoint it, but I know when I am around him that I want to be better!" Wow, what a phenomenal compliment.

Hayden will receive what he needs... unlimited bathroom breaks, modified homework, verbal testing, modified assignments, extra speech and OT services. What they gave him that I am shocked is that the last hour of the day, Hayden will be with one teacher to four students. Unbelievable. They will review all lessons that day. They will do homework as a group. They will work on the agenda together and review anything he missed. Really? That is an extra 20+ hours a month of semi-individualized help.Fantastic. We also discussed his handwriting issues due to strength... the principal said, No problem... we will get him a laptop. Anything else?

He will still receive everything he had at Liberty Arts plus this extra 20 hours a month, or more.

I feel so blessed. I walked out realizing how much my Father in Heaven is indeed in charge and directing our lives. I was again reminded that if I turn over my life to Him, that He will do far greater things than I could ever imagine. And, oh how much that He loves my boy... I am in awe.

As I walked into my home the song of the hymn, "I Stand All Amazed" flooded my mind an soul.

1. I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

[Chorus]
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

2. I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

3. I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.

Blessed.... Grateful... in Awe.... appreciative......loved.... What a great life!

My Birthday

I woke up to a sweet husband and son making me breakfast. Hayden was so excited to give me his card and presents. I was spoiled rotten. A new Sunday dress (the boys did a great job), a jean jacket, 2 new pairs of scrubs (aka my jammies) and beautiful red roses.

I was down flat due to Mayo testing the previous day. Jodi was on Jer duty during the day. We went, got our diet cokes at QT and had a relaxing day sitting on the couch and talking. Jodi ran and picked up take out from Olive Garden, yummy chicken fettuccine Alfredo with bread sticks and salad. We sat on the reclining couch and ate yummy food and talked and laughed. Talmage entertained us and we had fun just being together. She showered me with a fun "stay at home family night basket" included new games that Thomas, Hayden and I could play and filled with all my favorite treats and a gift card to QT for my Diet Cokes. So thoughtful and fun!

Suzi picked Hayden up from school and sat with me during my afternoon snooze. Her and Hayden ran to Firehouse Subs, grabbed food, another Diet Coke and brought food back for Thomas and I.

Joyce stopped by with beautiful flowers, a cake and cute pink and black scrubs. (I seriously live in the things. So comfy, soft material, plenty of pockets to hold my phone, laser, etc. and yet, presentable for the unexpected guest.) So sweet of her.

Shortly thereafter, Julie came over with presents exploding everywhere. She added new pieces to my Disney village, including a cool Mickey Ear Factory, light posts and cool Mickey Village items. I loved them all!

Suzi stopped back by with a plaque for Hayden with all of his wonderful qualities on it. I need to take a picture. I love it! She added to my Jim Shore Christmas collection which is so fun!

I received phone calls/letters/emails/ texts/Facebook messages and cards from over 100 different people. I was in awe, in shock and in complete disbelief. How did so many people remember? How did so many people care? How did so many people know that I really needed to know I mattered and was loved on this day of mine.

It touched my heart in ways that I cannot express. Thanks. Thank you! I will always remember the incredible love that was shown to me.

Mayo Clinic

Yesterday was spent at Mayo Clinic having tests run, procedures and biopsies. Long day. Lots of pain.

As I drove home with Julie, we talked of the doctors, the new information, the testing, the reality and the hope. My feelings are so mixed up right now. I am praying for hope, for resolution, for treatment options, for understanding, for a course that leads me back to health. I am unsure if that is possible. I am hopeful that it is. I pray that it is. I plead that it is. But, I am so unsure about my health right now that it is a constant struggle.

Of course-testing aggravates the symptoms and causes a lot more pain, passing out, seizures and funky symptoms.

It is nice, comforting to feel like I am with doctors that do understand the pain and unusual symptoms that I am describing. Even a greater feeling when the doctors are able to put into words feelings/pain/symptoms that I have struggled to find adequate words for. I do feel so blessed that I am now with the doctors that I need to be with. Looking back, I am able to see how each doctor, each appointment, each failure, each heartbreak has brought me to where I am today. I am grateful to have come this far. I do have hope.

I certainly am leaning on my Father in Heaven and the priesthood to stay hopeful and at peace with all of these challenges. I certainly hope that I am understanding these blessings and interpreting them correctly. I want to get better. I want to be able to do more, serve more, take care of other more, be a blessing in others lives. I keep telling my Savior that I am not ready to give up the fight or "go home". I want to stay here longer with those I love. I have so much I still want to teach Hayden. So many things I still want to experience and share with Thomas. I want to see my son go on a mission, hear about his first love, experience his wedding, love and snuggle his children and have a daughter in law to cherish and love. I want to grow old with Thomas... I want to sit on front porch chairs and laugh at our lives. Smile at the joy and have a greater understanding of our heartaches and see that they took us to a beautiful place.

When I look at my life from that vantage point, I dig deeper and find more courage, more hope, more strength, more love... more appreciation for life and all of the wonderful blessings that are mine to hold. Hopefully, I will have a lot more time with my family. I'm hoping. I'm praying. I'm believing that I can. I sure hope my Savior and Father in Heaven feel the same way.

Combined Birthday Party

Stephanie and Rosie threw a combined birthday party for me, Josh and Jake since all of our birthdays are so close together. We had pizza, texas sheet cake, Krispy Kreme donuts, veggies and fruit.... yummy!

Some of the gang sitting around chatting.... Troy, Jodi, Rosie, Jake & Suzi
Talmage kept begging Thomas to go outside and take him swimming.... sucker!
Hayden actually was all grins when he saw that I was actually going to get in the pool with him.
Thomas had so much fun with Talmage. Talmage kept jumping off the side of the pool, the rocks, the table, anywhere and jumping into Thomas' arms.
I love this one with Talmage in mid-air.
Talmage also decided to hit everyone with the huge hammer. He was apprehensive about getting Grandpa. Jodi and I told him to go ahead...grandpa wouldn't mind.
Brigham and Brinley are the bestest of buddies. They had so much fun trying to balance on that boogie board.
Hayden was thrilled that his best buddy Gunter was staying with us and got to come to all the excitement. (Boy did Hayden have a great weekend.... Gunter after school on Friday, watched movies, played Suzi's X-BOX, Amazing Jake's with Suzi on Saturday and home just in time for this party... busy guy).
Kiley did it! She made it to the top of the rope swing.
Gunter and Hayden would attempt jumping from the diving board to the rope swing.
Little Missy... I love when Brooklyn is all smiles.
Of course, Jake and Thomas threw a lot of the kids in the pool. From the looks of this, the kids deserved it. They are both great dads and great uncles. The kids all adore them.
Poor Hayden, he is being tickle tortured even in the pool by Thomas. Hmmm. I am guessing that Hayden somehow egged Thomas' on.
It was a fun night. We love spending time with family. We are lucky to have so many wonderful people live so close to celebrate special occasions.