The Blind Side & My Answer

I loved the this movie! I loved the message behind it! I loved everything about it! And, oh how I needed to see this movie. And, this movie changed me.

I don't blog about the girls much. Two main reasons. They read my blog and their parents read my blog. This post isn't about them... it is about me.

Here goes honesty...
In the past couple of years we have taken three amazing girls into our home. Ann, Taylor and Ariyona are all mine as far as my heart has concerned. No, I am not their mother. But, by serving them and doing for them, I have come to love them with a love that only mothers have. They have touched my heart and changed me in so many ways. And, I honestly do love them.

The past couple of months has been really hard on me. I have been accused of a lot of things. I have had family torn from me. I have been told things that are so hurtful and attacked to my core for doing what I have done. The course of the past couple of months has brought me to my knees and made me question myself, who I am, and I have re-evaluated everything about me. It has not been a good place to be. It has hurt so deeply and I even started questioning why I did this and if my intentions were pure.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. But, I can honestly say that all I have tried to do is help these girls. I have tried to help them to reach their potential. I have tried to help them become who they really are. They are amazing. They are daughters of our Heavenly Father and I know that he loves each of them.

There was a scene in the movie, where the mom is sitting on the bed crying. She asks her husband some questions. Thomas reached over, grabbed my hand, and smiled so big and softly says, sound familiar honey? It is true, she was questioning her motives behind helping people, she was questioning herself, she was questioning if she had ulterior motives, she was questioning who she is... been there done that. As silly as it sounds now, I received my answer, sitting in a movie theater on Thanksgiving day. It was if the Lord was saying to me, "Jerlyn, do you realize how crazy these other people are making her out to be? Do you realize that they are taking the good she has done and trying to twist it? Do you realize that she has changed lives? You didn't do this to hurt anyone... you only tried to make the world better for a couple of my daughters."

It was like the pain in my heart was extinguished. The questioning was gone. And, I realized that although, I make a lot of mistakes and no I haven't handled each situation correctly, that all I tried to do was help. Peace flooded back into my heart. I felt whole again. Peace, understanding and love instantaneous replaced all the deep hurt and anguish I have been coping with.

An extra bonus, Ann put her arm around me after the movie and said, "Jer she is you. I understand you so much more now." The Lord took my broken heart and put it back together on Thanksgiving. What a blessing, what a gift. And for that, I am truly thankful!