More to Endure

After I was discharged from the hospital two weeks ago, Saturday, I was sure that all was well, sure I would have some pain and recovery to go through, but the scariness of the situation was behind us. Unfortunately, that was not to be the case. On Sunday, I started feeling sick, not terrible but like I had the flu. By evening time, I was running a fever, not good after surgery and internal bleeding. I contacted the surgeon and was told to take tylenol and as long as I could keep the fever down to get in the office on Monday morning. By midnight, I had been vomiting for hours and started vomiting blood. That was it, Thomas and I headed to the hospital, I was too sick to make it far, so we went to Banner Ironwood. They were wonderful and nice and so helpful. However, they found more internal bleeding along with some hematomas. They released me on Monday and told me to go to my surgeons office in the next couple of days.

In the meantime, my Dad hired an Internist to take my case. I can tell that this has really scared him. I have had all types of doctors trying to figure out what to do and how to help me.

On August 3rd, I didn't get home until really late from the surgeons office. Thomas and I both were very scared. No one seemed to have any answers and my health was deteriorating quickly. Our sweet bishopric came over at 9pm. Not just the Bishop, but all three of them. They asked questions, tried helping us find solutions and gave us some of the best council I have ever received. I will always be touched by Brother Epps and him looking at me and telling me that he was personally driving me back to the hospital. I cried. Thomas cried. Each member of the Bishopric cried. Julie cried. Suzi cried. For each of us, different emotions and feelings were going on, yet we all were there for a similar goal, to call upon our Father in Heaven to guide us into knowing which path I needed to take and where the Lord wanted me to turn.

As I write this post, the feelings of that evening are again filling this room. Heaven and earth met that night in our home. Tears were shed out of sheer fear, pain, gratitude and some for the overwhelming feeling of our Savior's love. After 2 hours of sharing scriptures, discussing medical questions, trying to determine who to turn to for help, prayers and testimonies borne. These three men, along with Thomas proceeded to give me such a tender blessing. As words were spoken, I could feel my Savior. I felt Him. I heard Him. He wrapped me in the arms of his love. He allowed the heavens to be opened and us to learn from this incredible night. Bishop Call was the mouthpiece for our Savior that night. As he spoke, such precious truths were enlightened to me, promises were made from my Savior to me.

The Lord did not promise this trial to go away, in fact, quite the opposite was true. The Lord expressed the multitude of things I would learn while facing this trial. I would learn to trust my Savior in more than I do today. I was promised that although the Lord would not take this trial from me, he would help me grow through this trial and would help guide me. He promised me that new friendships would be kindled and that my ward would become a second family to me. Thru tears streaming, I hugged each of these great men and Thomas held me especially tight as we cried together, knowing that the next couple of weeks would be long, painful and ones of uncertainty. But, we also knew we were not alone. We had the Lord, our wonderful bishopric, relief society members, family, friends, doctors, and the legions of heaven to help sustain us through these trying times. I felt such gratitude. Such peace. Such a pure love. I felt as if we were all being allowed to stand in the midst of our Savior, to give us solace, peace and a calm before we were thrust back out into the storm.

At some point in my life, I would have probably questioned why I was able to have such a miraculous experience, but the Lord has taught me so much. For today, I know who I am. As much as I am Hayden's mother, I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. He knows me. He loves me. He doesn't like seeing me hurt and in pain any more than I like seeing Hayden struggle and cope with pain.

I have also come to realize that the Lord has not and will not leave me. He has been by my side during this entire ordeal. He has held me when I felt I could no longer go on, he has guided me in which doctors to trust, he has given me the gift of discernment, he has let me utilize his strength when my strength was no longer sufficient. Most of all, He has loved me.

And, although I am back in the midst of the storm trying to get well, I hear my Savior cheering me on, encouraging me, teaching me and as always, loving me.