I went to Dr. Shiflet a couple of days ago. I explained the new doctor's theory and plans for diagnosis. He listened intently as to why the new speculation on what has happened, why and testing required to figure this out. He told me that if it was indeed blood clots like was suspected, he had a treatment to try. He used cold laser treatments on my lungs. He said that if it is indeed blood clotting issues, that this would break up the existing clots in my lungs and I would breathe without such a struggle for a couple of days until my body produces more blood clots. Miraculously, I have not had such an easy time taking a breath in a very long time. It feels amazing!
A sweet friend took me to the cardiac electrophysiologist on Tuesday. The doctor decided to hook me up for 30 days to a live heart monitor that is being monitored continuously. We laughed as the first time the machine went off, we were only two miles from the doctors office and wondered if we should go back. Day 2 and so far so good. The alarm has gone off a couple of times requesting that I put in current symptoms. Keeping our fingers crossed that whatever this is, we are on a road to figuring it out. Three years is a long time.
A different friend came over yesterday and I was catching her up on January events. This month has felt like a lifetime of its own. I was expressing that as I endure this trial, my needs change. The desires of my heart have changed, as well. Three years ago, I prayed for complete healing. Since the first stroke, I wished for no more seizures and passing out but could live with limited movement and everlasting effects of the stroke. Now, almost eighteen months after the first stroke, living through a numerous number of seizures, passing out, heart stopping, additional strokes and so much more, what I consider true NEEDS, has significantly changed.
My list of what I pray for has changed significantly. I now just wish to be able to take breaths each and every day without struggling to fill my lungs with oxygen. I pray that I will be able to keep my long-term memory and that the seizures will stop. I pray that I can stay on this earth as long as I am a benefit to my family and loved ones. I really want to see Hayden serve a mission.
It is just good that life is only given to us one day at a time. As I look back, I would have never of dreamed I could walk this path. But a day at a time, only taking today's required activities into account, it is much more manageable.
Craziest truth... I am really learning to differentiate between needs and wants. The distinction between true desires of the heart and all the extras that I thought I needed in life.
I've been given so much. Each step of the path has not been easy. At times I have walked a slow pace, other moments were ones of struggling to just cling to Inch forward. At times, people have taken my hand and pulled me to the next step and more times than countable, my Savior has gently lifted me and carried me down the path.
But, regardless of how it was done, The Lord, my Savior, has provided a way for me to keep moving. I am more grateful today for each breath that comes easy, than almost 40 years of living with the health to do all things needed and wanted. Breaths are the symbol of life. Those struggled for are the most rewarding ones.
So for today, I will delight in each breath that comes with ease. I will be grateful for each breath that requires effort beyond my own. Because, regardless of how I get oxygen into my body, I know it is my Savior that grants me each new day, each breath of air and each moment of this wonderful gift we call life. And life really is sweet!
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