So for the blessing I received today to impact me in a way different than any before, is remarkable.
As decisions will be made today and doctors reconvene to work on my care, I am so grateful to really understand and know that my Savior is in charge. That he is directing my care, where the doctors look and it will be him that guides them to the answers and solutions to heal my body.
As Thomas goes back to work today, and I am lovingly juggled from friend to friend and loved one to loved one, Thomas wanted extra protection by means of the arms of the Savior, wrapped around me today.
As Thomas lovingly laid his hands on my head, the power of the priesthood radiated through my body. When those loving words were spoken, Thomas was transformed before me from my husband to a true servant and messenger of our Savior. I felt the power of the Holy Ghost, the love of my Savior and the comfort of my Father in Heaven encompass my heart and soul.
The words that were spoken were beautiful. Eloquent.
In those moments, I came to a more clearly defined understanding of the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
If I were the ONLY one to benefit from the selfless act of the atonement, the Savior would have sacrificed and gone thru all he suffered, just for me.
The feelings that came were not the understanding from an intellectual realization, for I have long understood the importance and necessity and impact of the atonement. It was different. My Savior spoke directly to my heart. He assured me that in those moments while kneeling inGethsemanee, when blood seeped from his pores, when his pain became so much that even he wanted the Father to remove this cup that lay before him, that he suffered this for me.
He didn't just suffer for our sins and our wrongs and to undo the chains of justice.
He suffered on a much more personal basis for me. He felt what I am feeling. He felt the sting of those questioning whether I am really ill. He felt the daily struggle to try to gasp to feel my lungs with life sustaining breath. He felt the pains that come thrashing through my legs when blood does not flow and life feels to be fleeting from them. He suffered to understand the loneliness of being shut in, enclosed, and unable to leave the house for two years. He bore the excruciating pain when no earthly medicines or relief come and I quietly try to just continue to breathe. He has felt the loneliness. The heartache. The confusion. The grief of mourning each day my son grows older without a mom to cheer him on at his events. The longing to stand and serve my family.
He knows every feeling. Every emotions. Every heartache. Every triumph. Every joy. Every tender moment.
He knows me.
And for moments, when he lovingly knelt inGethsemanee, he did it ONLY for me. As blood dropped from his brow, and sweat and tears of agony feel from his face, in that moment, he felt everything that I am feeling and experiencing. It was all for me.
I am humbled that the dear Savior let me feel this and experience this beautiful blessing this morning.
As I felt the Savior wrap his loving arms around me. I knew that he knew me even better than I know Hayden. I knew that there was nothing that I could not trust him with. I knew that my heart and mind and entire soul is an open book to him. And even with that, and all my flaws and shortcomings, he loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.
I do not think three more powerful words exist in this beautiful language we have. I know that no emotion or experience has made more of an impact.
To have the deep understanding that my dear and precious Savior knows me, walks with me, carries me, lifts me, protects me, guides me, comforts me and loves me, is the truest most beautiful blessing that can be given to my heart.
His atonement, love and open arms are extended to all. He suffered individually for each of us, just as he did me. He stands. Open arms. My choice. Your choice. Each of us have the ability to come to the Savior and be wrapped in his loving arms or protection and safety.
He stands waiting. The choice is for each of us to make.
I am so grateful to find comfort, rest, relief, protection and love in his tender care.
It is the very dearest and most cherished possession I have. My Savior knows me and loves me.
The Savior knew how very much I needed him this morning. Yet, in his loving ways, he gives me 100 fold over and over more than I need and gives me even more than I knew was possible.
He does this because he loves me. And I am safe knowing I am his.
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