Hugs from Above

It is always interesting to me to receive "news" from doctors. Doctors, new doctors, unknown appointments and testing, absolutely makes me nervous. I think I have been poked at so much in the past several years that I'm nervous of what they are going to do to me. More than the physical pain I must endure is the emotional pain some of these doctors have inflicted. Because of that, I am so hesitant for each doctor and appointment. 

To overcome my complete fear of these appointments, I have developed some coping skills. First and foremost, I pray. I specifically pray that the words spoken by doctors will not penetrate my heart and cause me to question myself and what I know is happening. The second, when huge testing or major results are involved, I receive a priesthood blessing for guidance and understanding, that the doctors will figure out and see the complications beyond their own natural abilities, that they will be led thru the Spirit to know where to turn and that I will be given strength and courage and peace to endure whatever is asked. 

For me, I could not have survived without the help I have received from above. 

The emotional toll it takes to hear all of the new diagnosis, complications, prognosis and complications is emotionally trying. No one wants to hear that it is lifelong, no possibility of recovery. Even more frustrating is when doctors cannot find the cause or problem and suggest it is mental. I have questioned myself so many times. 

Yesterday, as I have on multiple occasions, I felt wrapped in the arms of love and peace. It was as if I was receiving my own hugs from above. As the brain mapping doctor discussed complications and problems with my brain, I felt overwhelming peace and comfort. I realized how blessed I have been. How much the Savior has taken care of me and blessed me. 

Most of all, as I was told how severe these problems were and what effect they are having on my body, I felt the promises in prior blessings till my heart. "I promise protection....I give you healing....I grant you added strength.....I will spare your life...I will cause your body to realign". 

I realized how much I have been protected. How much healing I have received. I realized that without the life saving protection and intervention of my Savior, I wouldn't have survived. And I was reassured that every promise of healing and protection was received. I have received many many miracles in my behalf. 

I felt so loved. I felt heavenly hugs embrace me. 

I no longer questioned if my faith was sufficent. If I held back blessings from Heaven due to my lack of belief or faith. No. The blessings had come. Every one. Not in the way I thought it should, but they came. I am alive due to the healing and divine miracles of my Savior, Jesus Christ. He has shown me that His miracles, his healing is still very real today, as it was when He walked this earth. 

I matter to my Savior. He knows me, Jerlyn. He knows my trials. He knows my struggles. He knows my deepest feelings, fears and heartache. He knows what I need. Most of all, He grants me the desires of my heart. I am His. And I am loved. 

I felt it. Those were not just words but true living emotions. I have been strengthened by the One on High. I an loved by the divine Son of God. My needs and actions, my weaknesses and strengths, my heartache and joy, are all known by my Savior. Because He knows me, He can comfort me like no other. His oeace is enough. His love beyond any imaginable. 

Yes, it is good to find answers and understanding. It is even more comforting to realize how protected and loved I have neem by Savior. Heavenly hugs...it is my truest of tender mercies.