Life is hard

Life is hard. 

I know this. 

But some days it has a way of sweeping you off of your feet and knocking you down....

It makes you look at things differently than you ever have....

It throws reason and routine and all rationale away and just slams hard. 

It feels as if it's all spiraling.. Spinning....crazily out of control...

Somehow...some way...just when it feels as if nothing will ever make sense again...the Savior has a way of making things ok. 

The parent becomes the student and the child the teacher. 

Tonight was one of those nights. 

As I laid in bed sobbing and broken, my sweet precious son slid up next to me. He put my arm over his head and rested it on my shoulder. 

He pulled out his phone. He started reading me the scriptures. Verses on peace and hope. Some of my most favorite. Some of those that build my strength when I have none left. 

He then sang ever so sweetly...I am a Child of God. 

I asked why? 

He said that when he can't focus, when he struggles, when he is scared or tempted or frightened, the words comfort him. His mind cannot wander. The darkness is shut out. There are no distractions that are powerful enough to take away the truth and strength of those words...I am a child of God. 

He was so sweet as he said that sometimes he gets to the second verse and only remembers. "I am a child of God and so my needs are great". His inspired words continued as he said, "Mom, we allNEED the Savior. Sometimes we all feel like His little child and our needs are so great. It's ok. He knows we need Him. That's why He came. For the hard times. Just take a deep breath. The Savior KNOWS how you feel. He experienced this moment for you. He loves you. He believes in you. And so do I."  

By this moment, I knew how precious my son truly is. He is no longer just my little boy but is a spiritual giant. He knows who he is and who's he is. He knows where to turn for peace and answers, comfort and hope. 

I asked why he pulled out the scriptures. He replied in a way that touched my heart deeply and made me feel like I am enough. "You taught me that when we want to talk to our Father in Heaven we pray. But when we need answers and to hear His voice, we read the scriptures. You need to hear from Him. So we need to read." 

I may not be the mom that can go and do. I may not have it all together. I may be feisty and stubborn and hard headed. I may get frustrated beyond belief with my lot on life, at times. But even in my lowest moments, when I feel as if I'll never be enough. When I feel as if the world would be better, my family would be better off without me in it.  My Savior has a way of showing me what I do do right. The ways which I have succeeded. The areas in which I am enough. 

I'm so far from perfect. I make so many mistakes. I get mad and I yell. I struggle to find where I belong. I fight to try and have the life I want and once had. But in the end, I am always humbled. I am taught  that it doesn't matter. I'm given what I need. I'm given the tools I need to be the mom and daughter that I need to be. That I was born to become. 

I'm grateful for a loving Father in Heaven that forgives me. That looks past my insecurities and shortcomings, that knows how to turn my weaknesses into strengths. That knows when I need a gentle reminder to listen to the lessons I've taught many times and to become the learner again. And when I just need my sweet son to be my teacher and exemplar. 

Because no matter what life throws at me....my Savior knows...when my precious sons slides up to me and wraps himself in my arms, there is no amount of pride that can keep me from melting. And when this precious boy then takes my teachings that I have so diligently taught him and he turns those teachings into life's lessons and teaches them back to me....my Savior knows I will stop and truly listen. 

And when I listen and decide to stop, I find my Savior's way, I find peace. Peace in the moment. Peace and hope. Peace to be still. Peace in knowing that although nothing at the moment makes sense. In time, all things will be made right. I am wrapped in His love and peace. 

And although nothing has changed...everything has changed. 

Yes. Life is hard. 

But I will be ok.