Cupcake Day

Jodi had another Cupcakes for the Cure cupcake making day. When she does, her munchkins come over the night before and spend the night. Thomas gets up and takes Hayden to school and then drops of Brooklyn and Brigham. Talmage hangs out with somedays, and others goes to his friends' house.

Talmage is funny, especially when he spends the night. The older kids have a slumber party on my floor. But, Talmage, absolutely not. He makes Uncle Thomas hold him until he falls asleep and then he wants to cuddle with Thomas all night. As evident by these pictures, Thomas absolutely loves it!

However, this day was different. Brigham got sick during the night and Hayden needed to miss with some things going on at school. So it was a party at our house. Me and the three boys had a party day.

I tried to make it fun, after I got Brooklyn ready for crazy hair day. When my little miss found out that she was staying at my house on an important day like crazy hair day, she panicked. I reassured her that although I am terrible at doing hair, crazy hair day is right up my alley. I can make hair look crazy, just not good. She was thrilled with the results and said it was her second best crazy hair day ever. Not too shabby for one who can hardly brush and do my own hair.

Brigham wanted an "Afro circus" hair do. I tried. Talmage and Hayden were so cute swinging ipon the bench while I conquered hair.

After Brooklyn was at school, Hayden helped the boys make their own cardboard swords. They loved them. Hayden was a great babysitter! He played and played with Brigham and kept him entertained.

Talmage spent most the day on the couch with me. Although he did play with the older boys on and off.

It was one of the craziest cupcake days ever. The support was phenomenal, as usual. I am so grateful for all the co tuned support and love shown to me and my family. I am forever grateful.

Suzi came and took me to the doctor and watched the boys while I was gone. Lots of new answers and diagnosis to deal with but that is a post for another day. Still getting my own head wrapped around my future. I am so grateful for all those that support us and help us to juggle all we need with rides, diet cokes, babysitting, doctor appointments, etc. etc.

By the time Thomas walked in the door, I was exhausted and headed right to bed. I am so grateful that I only have one child during this time. What I once thought was my biggest trial ever has sincerely become a blessing. Hayden plays so well independently that I am lucky to not have to get up very often. Jodi's kids were great, just busy. Thank heavens I let Hayden stay home or I would have had to call in reinforcements. (Other than Thomas coming home from work to feed the kids lunch. And Suzi taking over for several hours while I went to doctor and took a nap.)

I love my life. I am tired. I am exhausted. But I am here. I am ever so grateful to still be here.

Health Update

My heart has been forever touched by the kindness of so many, the prayers offered, heartfelt expressions of love and support and all the service rendered for me and my family.

Sitting in my position in life, I have witnessed the true goodness of the multitudes. Those that quietly serve, give, take care of others and love with all their hearts. I have been surrounded and buoyed up by the love and service of so many, for which I will be forever grateful.

The last month has been a change. I am slowly building strength, finding answers and learning how to heal my body. With each doctor visit, as I relay the events that have miraculously unfolded in the past weeks, the doctors are speechless and are in awe as to how I am surviving. I take each opportunity to bear my witness that my life has been spared by my Savior. With no other possible explanation, they shake their heads in agreement and wonder.

Even with the miracles, the daily progress is slow. It is a hard walk back to health. A journey that takes each waking moment to try and figure out what I should be doing to heal, slowly building strength and trying to learn the physical limitations of my body. The physical limits are still significant. I breathe easier. I do not struggle to walk within my house as much. For the most part, I can now get dressed on my own and my personal care is getting less taxing. Any exertion beyond just the daily functions of getting up, dressed, eating and conquering the day, takes a real toll on my body.

I am trying to figure out how to push my body to gain strength without setting myself back significantly. The first weeks were extremely frustrating as I felt healing should come quickly. When my body didn't seem to make any progress and my efforts showed minimal improvement, if any.

I spent a lot of time in prayer trying to understand what I was to do now that my life was spared yet healing seemed to elude my body.

My prayers changed. I no longer pray for the strength and the life I once had. I pray to see and understand the road that lies before me. Although I would love to be able to have the strength and energy to do what most consider the bare minimum in life, I am finding joy in any and all improvements, and realize that whatever healing comes is in the Lord's hands. I will continue to seek his guidance while doing all I can to gain strength and healing, but ultimately, I trust my Savior and will gladly accept whatever path he has placed before me.

In this journey, I have learned so incredibly much and have met some amazing people. I feel this is the path I am to walk right now to gain the much needed healing and strength my body needs.

So although the improvements are slight, I welcome each little glimpse of hope, each extra step I can take, each breath that comes with ease, the days that I can get out of the house, if even for a drive, the afternoons that I am able to sit and help Hayden with homework and the times I can actually stay awake while watching a movie. Most of all, I celebrate each day that I have with my family and those I love.

I realize that with time my gratitude with the waking of each new day will fade. I may possibly forget that there was a time when I just longed to be able to be get dressed without assistance and ached to be able to do the everyday motherly tasks of cooking, homework, laundry and driving. That this may all be a distant memory of a hard won battle that taught me that I am cap,e of doing really hard things.

But for now, oh do I cherish the small stuff. I cherish the things I once took for granted. I get all excited that I can just bend to pick something up off the floor without fainting. That I can take baths again. That I can have a conversation without dozing off. That I can actually get out of bed without help. That I can help Hayden get his backpack ready for school. That I can remember my conversations with Hayden. I love that Thomas and I can dream again.

Most of all, I love that I do not have to worry about whether or not Hayden totally grasps the Plan of Salvation. Of course, I want him to understand all the important truths contained in the scriptures. But, the urgency of feeling like he has to understand it all and now, has faded. I know I will be around to continue to teach him, answer his questions and help him learn day by day, line upon line and precept on precept. I no longer have to be consumed with his understanding it all right now. There is no greater relief. It is one of the sweetest blessings ever.

Although healing is slow, I am improving. Life is becoming more enjoyable. I am learning that joy in this life really is contained in the small stuff.

Thank you IPhone

Life via iPhone is a crazy thing. Random moments are captured that would have usually passed with the moment. I love the little things in life. They are the moments that a life is made up of. The ordinary day to day moments that are interrupted with holidays and big events. The little moments, for me, is where the sweet joy of life is captured.

Someday I will look back on this time in my life and be so grateful for all the lessons learned and experiences gained. I will remember the big moments that entailed healing, priesthood blessings, hospital stays, little miracles, tender mercies, love shown, family moments and prayers answered. But because of our little iPhone, I will be able to laugh that a wet rag wrapped on my head kept me from passing out. I look lovely all the time with this beauty on my head but it makes life much more tolerable. And I am positive when I look back on this picture, I will laugh and be grateful that this time in my life has past. Okay, who are we kidding, we are getting a good kick out of this picture now. Life is too serious to be taken seriously.

My sweet little niece Brooklyn had to list her favorite activities of the year for her activity day recognition. Her very favorite activity was Cupcakes for a Cure. Brooklyn and Kiley went door to door selling cupcakes and raising money for my medical bills. She melts my heart. I love her dearly. What a sweet girl to willingly serve me and then to last it as her favorite moment of the year. She is such a precious daughter of God. She has such a deep desire to serve and give and love. She is a sweetheart. I adore her. I love her. I cherish her. I am so grateful that this little sweetheart is apart of my life. I always tell her that she is my girl. If I had been blessed with a daughter, she is exactly the one I would have dreamed of. She is a light and joy. I love you, Missy Brooklyn!

Talmage loves his Papa Thomas. He squeals with excitement each time Thomas walks in the door. The other night, Talmage ran to the freezer, grabbed two ice cream sandwiches, and came and jumped on Thomas' lap. I had to capture the moment. Love their sweet relationship.

Last Friday, Thomas had the day off. For some crazy reason Hayden had school. We decided to let him have a ditch day. He wanted so badly to go have a play day. He wanted to have a normal day like we used to. I was miserable but determined to do something. I dragged myself out of bed, grabbed a hat and got in the car. We went to a new restaurant we hadn't tried before. Hayden's delight was evident when Apple Dumpling Cafe brought out a huge cheeseburger. He grinned ear to ear. He enjoyed every single moment we were at the cafe. I realized how much that meant to him. Us doing something normal, like we used to brought him so much joy. He felt like life was back on track. A huge hamburger, a few French fries and a family eating together, talking and laughing was the best medicine for all of us.

He didn't even care that I came home and fell asleep on the couch right when we got home. Nope. His life was back to normal, if only for an hour, but it was enough. Simple but perfect.

To the makers of the iPhone, thanks for putting on a camera, I'm so glad these sweet and precious moments are captured.

Cardiac electrophysiologist

I spoke with the cardiac electrophysiologist this week. Decisions were made to keep trying to conquer this on my own. When I say on my own, I mean with nutrition, natural supplements, building strength and my body, and doing all the natural treatments along with current medications.

She stated that doctors, for the most part, are able to do two things. 1) prescribe medications and 2) preform surgery. And, although, the rest of the cardiac team wanted to do surgery now, it would be better to wait until my body is stronger. I agree.

Three weeks ago, I was getting sicker each day. Now, each week I get a little stronger. Progress is slow but it is still progress.

I love that this doctor will admit that there is a place for western, eastern and herbal medications. She believes in all natural treatments.. I feel a incredibly blessed to have her on my team.

That same day, my mission president's wife emailed me. She is a part owner in a wellness company. She wanted all the details so that she can help me. I am so excited for this opportunity.

I'm starting some new herbal treatments and am excited to see where this new path leads me. I know it will help me make progress. I'm so hopeful. Good things are starting to happen. Good opportunities.

Test results

Today was a day I will always remember. I was anxious to go to the cardiac electrophysiologist to get test results from all the testing this past week. I was curious as to what the doctor would say and what the plan going forward consisted of.

The doctor started going over test results. Stating which tests looked good and where problems were indicated. I had been hooked to a heart monitor for the past 5 weeks. She said she was ONLY interested in the symptoms and complications I was having during the past week. She was not interested in anything that was happening prior to seven days ago. She said that two days before my tests were run, something happened and my heart changed. Tests were run on Tuesday so the life saving event occurred on Sunday.

My mind swirled. I thought back to the blessing. I thought back to all those that fasted and prayed for me. Then it sunk in what she was saying. I was given a new lease on life, just as my blessing of healing promised.

Since I was hooked up to monitors, there was no way to all it for anything but what it was. A miracle.

The spirit was strong there in the room as we spoke. We discussed my symptoms. We discussed treatment options. We discussed various plans.

She looked at me and said, "Don't get me wrong. If almost anyone in my waiting room came in with your symptoms right now, I'd be calling an ambulance and admitting them to the hospital." However, your body is beginning to heal itself. Your heart has been repaired. Your body seems to have turned a corner and has begun to fight and been made strong enough to try and recover.

I had a plan of different doctors to refer you to, medications to put you on and a treatment plan. Instead, everything in my heart tells me to give your body a chance to heal. My head says move forward with treatments and medications. My heart tells me to slow down and let you heal naturally with just one additional medication.

As she went to write the prescription, she couldn't do it. She paused and looked at me and said, "if I prescribe this medication, it will get the credit for healing you. You and I both know the medicine is not healing you. Although you and I believe in a different higher power, that is where the healing is coming from."

She preceded to devise a new plan. Wait. Just wait. She was going to prescribe two things that I needed to do. The first to slowly start to build strength back. Short five to ten minute stretches of walking. She said to go ever so slow as to let my body try and figure this out. The second was to sleep as much as possible. She explained that healing occurs during sleep. Then to continue medications and other regimens as I was currently doing. Only adding a precautionary medication to slow down the blood clotting while I healed.

She instructed that we would regroup in one month to figure out if my body was making progress or if she needed to intervene either with surgery or medications.

I am still in awe that she, without knowing of the fasting or prayers or healing power of the priesthood, was able to pinpoint when my heart was repaired and when this great miracle occurred. I am grateful. So grateful. I feel so blessed and so indebted to my Savior.

I know that I have a lot of work to do. Up until this point, I just have held on and tried to survive. The thought of having my life back is absolutely amazing. I will start to build up my strength slowly. I will sleep. I will do all I can to help the healing process but I know that all healing and all strength I gain will come by the grace and love and mercy of my Savior.

With guidance from the cardiac doctor yesterday, I believe that outside of my primary care doctor that I will hold off on all specialty appointments for a month. I want to make sure that all healing credit goes where the credit is due to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Words cannot express the joy of my heart. The gratitude I feel or the reverence I have for the healing power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Miracles are as real today as anytime in history. My life is a living testament and witness that our Savior lives and loves us.

My gratitude to each of you for your fasting and prayers. As witnessed here, the Lord is merciful and works mighty miracles today. He is aware of each prayer, each offering of fasting and knows each of us. He loves us and desires to bless us. He is in charge. He has a plan for each of us. His healing comes. Whether it is when we first ask or after a long hard fought road or in the next life, he hears and answers our prayers. His timing may not be ours but it is a perfect timing.  My heart is full, my gratitude flowing over, my love beyond words for this mighty miracle that has been wrought in my life.

Miracles Granted (2 of 3)

Sunday night came and Bishop Smith, President Smith, Bishop Call and his wife Ann and daughter Toni, all came over to talk with me and Thomas about the fast and receive counsel from our church leaders. These leaders have been called and have stewardship over our family as they are called by the Savior to lead and guide and counsel the ward members under their charge.

These are good men that have been called of God. They walk uprightly before him. They serve and love and give with expecting nothing in return. Our Savior has asked for their service and they have willingly given.

As we sat and talked, I expressed to them how my week had been progressing both on what the doctors were communicating and what I was feeling when I prayed.

I have been struggling with what to write here. How many details to share. What to express. My feelings are that so many of you have prayed with us, fasted in my behalf, kept up on this blog because you deeply care. I want you to know the story, but do not want to just put very sacred and spiritual experiences out for any reason besides to add my witness that our Savior does care for us. He preforms miracles today just as he did when he walked this earth. He walks with us, as he walked with his disciples. He knows us. He loves us. He guides us and shows us the way, if we are willing to listen to his voice. Because I feel the need to add my testimony and add my witness to that of so many others, I will share what I feel is appropriate on such a public forum. I am happy to talk with anyone one on one if you would like more clarification or understanding as to how our Father in Heaven communicates with us and lets us know his will.

With that disclaimer, I will share according to the Spirit of our Savior the events that so miraculously took place in our home on Sunday evening.

We all spoke of the events leading up to that moment. Most importantly I expressed my feelings regarding my post, I Know that My Redeemer Lives. I expressed how that led me to feelings that what my will was, to live, was not with the Savior's, which was to go back home.

We read scriptures and talked of faith. How faith and fear cannot be present at the same time. We talked of Abraham and Isaac and I was praying that my feelings were only like unto Abraham. I had to be willing to walk the road of the Savior, willing to give me all, even my life for him. But was hopeful that like with Isaac, if I laid my life on the alter, that would be sufficient enough for the Lord's needs and show where I stand, and that I would not have to go through with my sacrifice, just as Abraham was allowed to spare the life of his beloved son, Isaac. We read Hebrews chapter 11 together and discussed faith.

We talked of my testimony and I bore witness that I know my Savior lives. I know miracles are as prevalent today as in the days that the Savior walked this earth. He is in charge. If we give our hearts and souls and lives to him, he will mold us into the person he knows that we can become. When we give our lives to him, we gain it all. I know that Savior has walked this road with me. His arm has protected me, guided me and kept me alive. He has eased my breathing, he has stopped seizures, he has removed blood clots, he has comforted my soul, he has spared my life. I testify of his goodness and know that he can do all things that are expedient to his will.

After much discussion, my dear Bishop Smith laid his hands on my head and anointed me with consecrated oil for the healing of the sick. Then, with the Bishop and Stake President at his side, my dear husband proceeded to give me a blessing of healing. We wept together. We cried. We rejoiced. We praised our God.

I was promised that this incurable disease would be made known unto the doctor. The doctor would be led and guided to finding a cure. I would be made whole. Through my faith and all those faith that fasted with me, that collectively the Lord had heard our cries and was granting our desires.

Words are not expressible as to the feelings of my heart. Gratitude, appreciation, awe in my Savior, thanksgiving, humility and so many others.

Because of all those that fasted and prayed and sent up requests of healing to our Savior, the Savior is graciously, and miraculously going to heal my body.

Going forward, I dedicate my life unto the Savior. I will do his will. I will say what he wants to be say. I will stand as a witness of his power, his miraculous healing and his infinite love for each of his sons and daughters here on this earth.

My life is a living testament to Him. I stand today because the Lord is good.  Thinking back to Alma and where I read that God grants us the desires of our hearts. Once again He has delivered on his promise and he has granted me healing so I can fulfill my desire to live.

Blessed be His name. He is our Savior. He lives. He loves us. He is so good.