Health Update

My heart has been forever touched by the kindness of so many, the prayers offered, heartfelt expressions of love and support and all the service rendered for me and my family.

Sitting in my position in life, I have witnessed the true goodness of the multitudes. Those that quietly serve, give, take care of others and love with all their hearts. I have been surrounded and buoyed up by the love and service of so many, for which I will be forever grateful.

The last month has been a change. I am slowly building strength, finding answers and learning how to heal my body. With each doctor visit, as I relay the events that have miraculously unfolded in the past weeks, the doctors are speechless and are in awe as to how I am surviving. I take each opportunity to bear my witness that my life has been spared by my Savior. With no other possible explanation, they shake their heads in agreement and wonder.

Even with the miracles, the daily progress is slow. It is a hard walk back to health. A journey that takes each waking moment to try and figure out what I should be doing to heal, slowly building strength and trying to learn the physical limitations of my body. The physical limits are still significant. I breathe easier. I do not struggle to walk within my house as much. For the most part, I can now get dressed on my own and my personal care is getting less taxing. Any exertion beyond just the daily functions of getting up, dressed, eating and conquering the day, takes a real toll on my body.

I am trying to figure out how to push my body to gain strength without setting myself back significantly. The first weeks were extremely frustrating as I felt healing should come quickly. When my body didn't seem to make any progress and my efforts showed minimal improvement, if any.

I spent a lot of time in prayer trying to understand what I was to do now that my life was spared yet healing seemed to elude my body.

My prayers changed. I no longer pray for the strength and the life I once had. I pray to see and understand the road that lies before me. Although I would love to be able to have the strength and energy to do what most consider the bare minimum in life, I am finding joy in any and all improvements, and realize that whatever healing comes is in the Lord's hands. I will continue to seek his guidance while doing all I can to gain strength and healing, but ultimately, I trust my Savior and will gladly accept whatever path he has placed before me.

In this journey, I have learned so incredibly much and have met some amazing people. I feel this is the path I am to walk right now to gain the much needed healing and strength my body needs.

So although the improvements are slight, I welcome each little glimpse of hope, each extra step I can take, each breath that comes with ease, the days that I can get out of the house, if even for a drive, the afternoons that I am able to sit and help Hayden with homework and the times I can actually stay awake while watching a movie. Most of all, I celebrate each day that I have with my family and those I love.

I realize that with time my gratitude with the waking of each new day will fade. I may possibly forget that there was a time when I just longed to be able to be get dressed without assistance and ached to be able to do the everyday motherly tasks of cooking, homework, laundry and driving. That this may all be a distant memory of a hard won battle that taught me that I am cap,e of doing really hard things.

But for now, oh do I cherish the small stuff. I cherish the things I once took for granted. I get all excited that I can just bend to pick something up off the floor without fainting. That I can take baths again. That I can have a conversation without dozing off. That I can actually get out of bed without help. That I can help Hayden get his backpack ready for school. That I can remember my conversations with Hayden. I love that Thomas and I can dream again.

Most of all, I love that I do not have to worry about whether or not Hayden totally grasps the Plan of Salvation. Of course, I want him to understand all the important truths contained in the scriptures. But, the urgency of feeling like he has to understand it all and now, has faded. I know I will be around to continue to teach him, answer his questions and help him learn day by day, line upon line and precept on precept. I no longer have to be consumed with his understanding it all right now. There is no greater relief. It is one of the sweetest blessings ever.

Although healing is slow, I am improving. Life is becoming more enjoyable. I am learning that joy in this life really is contained in the small stuff.