Grand mal seizure fright

Thursday was honestly probably one of the most frightening events of my life. As I walked into Dr. Shiflet's office, I felt a seizure starting to come on. My right eye started flicking and the pain behind it started building. I did all I knew how to do to keep it from coming. After a few moments, the symptoms were increasing and pain worsening, I got up and headed for a table to lay down on and pulled out my cold laser. A few seconds, I could hear Dr. Shiflet's voice and stood up to talk to him.

Bad decision. I started into a seizure and went completely out. According to those with me, Dr. Shiflet and Kaitlyn caught me and got me to a chair. I went into a grand mal seizure and was completely unconscious. Dr. Shiflet adjusted my atlas, used an ice pack, red and green lasers and did whatever doctors do in these situations. My pupils went black, my heart was beating rapidly out of my chest and I was completely unconscious. From what I am told, I then proceeded to go into a second grand mal seizure... eyes rolling back behind my eyes, large jerking movements everywhere, and complete loss of consciousness.

This episode definitely took me out the very longest, taking over an hour and a half for me to come back to complete consciousness, for my pupils to go back to normal and my heart rate to settle down. More worrisome is that during this event, I could NOT tell you my name, how to calculate simple 2 + 2 equations or come up with other simple answers.

Dr. Shiflet was absolutely relieved when I finally began to respond and my body started to go back to its normal state. He talked to me and said that although I had been going to him for the past six months, that he didn't even realize what bad episodes these had turned into. It seems that each time I go in for more testing, more nerve stimulation, biopsies, tilt table testing that whatever is happening inside my body goes on fast course for utter rebellion and my body tries harder to fight against itself. Dr. Shiflet told Thomas that he needed to tell the doctors that they needed to come up with a plan with no more testing..I am not a lab rat but a person that is being very hurt by all of the explorations. Although meant to help, they are causing my body to turn on itself at an alarming rate.

Tears swelled in my eyes as I realized all that had taken place, all the time and love that was administered to help me. All other patients were sent to other doctors, were re-scheduled or waited. Dr. Shiflet did everything he could do to will me back to consciousness and help me remain here on earth. He sat by my side for over an hour and a half to help me, trying to treat me and easing my fears.

In those moments following this event, although hard to put into words, were some of the most tender of my life. For in those moments, I was not alone. I felt encouragement, love and feelings of hope and reassurance, lovingly and gently pleading with me to hold on and helping me to muster all the strength I had inside to fight slipping away. Although my body was in complete disarray and my thinking was completely scrambled, a peace and sheer comfort swept across my spirit and I was comforted. I was not alone in fighting to regain consciousness, I was surrounded by earthly and heavenly angels to buoy me up, strengthen me and whisper words of encouragement that life was worth fighting for.

Exhaustion does not explain the fatigue that followed. Words cannot express the fear I felt when I wasn't sure who I was or what was happening inside my mind and body. I slipped in and out of awakened states for the rest of the evening and night. Emotions flew freely as I felt moments of fear and hopelessness to be replaced with feelings of hope, peace and love and an inner strength.

Poor Hayden, Thomas said that he would keep cuddling up to me and asking Thomas if I was going to be okay. Thomas lovingly reassured Hayden many times that his mom had been given many priesthood blessings that the Lord was protecting mommy and he need not worry. My loving boy did all in his power to make me more comfortable. Although I was barely conscious... so absolutely wiped out, he rubbed my feet, patted my back and readjusted my pillows and blankets for me. It rips my heart out knowing how scared Hayden was.

Even more than the feelings of sadness for Hayden's uncertainty, I felt gratitude that I was still here. Although I was in a semi-conscious state, I was indeed still here. The feelings in my heart far exceed any earthly words to represent their meaning. How do I ever express my feeling of gratefulness and gratitude that I was able to wake up this morning and use words and hugs to comfort my son? How deep is my thankfulness that Thomas and I could discuss Hayden's feelings and together come up with words to comfort him?

No, there are no words that adequately express my heart of thanks. Words or not, my Father in Heaven knows the depth of my gratitude, the devotion of my soul and admittance of my utter reliance of my Savior and for his protection and allowing my heart to continue to beat. The words may not be able to adequately express my love but my Savior knows my heart and my love for Him.

There is no doubt that I will forever remember this day, the lessons learned, the sacrifices made and the tender feelings that were experienced. My love has deepened for my Father in Heaven, my Savior and some of the incredible people that the Savior has helped to place in my life.

I don't think I have ever experienced a sweeter hug than the one I was given by Thomas and Hayden this morning. As Hayden wrapped his arms around me and Thomas came over and wrapped both of us in a hug, I offered a prayer of gratitude to my Father in Heaven that I was gifted more time with my boys and another day to walk this earth and experience all the good that has been placed in my life.