Neurologist Response

The next day, I received another call from the neurologist, was I sure that I understood that the risks were approximately 70% death? I expressed that I cannot continue to live with my body shutting down on itself and killing itself, one day at a time. My husband and I agreed that the life I have now, is not the way we want the future to look like. We understand the odds and feel good about going forward with treatment.

The Neurologist explained that there was no data out this far. No one else, as far as they knew, that had my condition, without immediate treatment at onset, had survived. They did not know the odds.

I expressed to the doctor that the Lord has chosen to intervene and save my life time after time this year in the following situations that we were aware of: I survived my vasovagal nerve being cut, a complete bleed out within my body, my heart stopping, seizures, grand mal seizures, heart rate significant slowing, unconsciousness, falls, organs shutting down and I am sure more other times that I am even aware. My theory remains, if the Lord chose to keep me here in all the above situations, where I was blessed to receive divine inspiration, that I was confident that He would continue to watch over me and bless me as I face this next hurdle and challenge.

As Thomas and I sat in the temple, I opened the scriptures. The first verse that I opened to was Alma.

Alma 31:31

31 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity of this people.

Then, this scripture:

Alma 34:41

41 But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.

And Finally this one:

Doctrine and Covenants 75:11

11 Praying always that they faint not; and inasmuch as they do this, I will be with them even unto the end.

As I read these scriptures in the temple, I realized that the Lord had a direct message for me. What my Savior is asking of me is to bear my afflictions and trials with patience and I must continue to endure to the end, whether that is to the end of this trial, or until the end of my life. And, as I do these things, the Lord will help my symptoms to ease. The fainting, the seizures, the miserableness of the nerves being attacked and organ functions being limited are all temporary and all will be resolved in time. It is a temporary state.

All the Savior is asking me to do is endure to the end. As I endure, as I take each step forward in faith, as I try to conquer this illness, He who has walked this road before me, He who has already borne this burden for me and suffered the pains of it for me, He understands the depth of my pain, the agonizes shooting nerve endings, the depth of my hurt.

As I closed the scriptures, I said a prayer of gratitude for the answers that I had received, for my Father in Heaven and His continued presence in my life. I felt the arms of my Savior around me. I felt peace. Not peace in the outcome or the journey, but peace that I would not walk this journey alone. The peace and comfort that my Savior, my older brother, and my friend would walk each step with me, and when the journey gets to hard for me to walk, He will gently pick me up and carry me to a point where I can again walk the road required of me.

What more can I ask for? I have been blessed beyond measure and although I am apprehensive about the treatments, the pain, nausea, headaches and all the temporary ailments that this transplant will bring, I am confident that my Savior will walk this journey with me. I may be weak and unable to do what is required of me on my own, but with my Savior at my side, I have faith that together, this is totally conquerable.