Foot Baths and Two Steps Backwards

No shocker to anyone close to the situation. I'm not doing so good right now. The farther I get away from the treatments, the more seizures I am having, more episodes and just sleeping a majority of the time. It has been a time of not knowing where to turn, which doctors to go to, or how again to start on the path of healing. I feel like I have again reached a road block. A dead end. It is a scary situation feeling your body slip away. Feeling like each day is a little harder to breathe, a little harder to walk and a little more difficult to function is frightening, especially when the path ahead or course to chart is still out of view.

I have been relying on whatever means I can to try to minimize the symptoms and ease the pain. I want to keep doing as much as possible so that I am here for Hayden and Thomas long term. What those answers are, we are not sure.

In the meantime, I am doing what I know helps and eases the pain and helps movement, if only to get relief for short periods. The number one way are these "foot baths" that we refer to them as. Somehow it takes the toxins out of your body and pulls them out, similar to dialysis but it dumps the kidneys/liver instead of blood. It is absolutely disgusting and I cannot believe how nasty the tub gets. I watch so many others with their light browns or yellow tinted water. Then there is me, black gunk everywhere.

This lets the doctors know that my body is barely hanging in there. That the toxins and mutated cells are multiplying faster than my body can rid them and faster than the alternate health devices seem to be working. It does ease the pain....sometimes for an entire day, other times for a few hours. But, the break from the constant, gnawing pain is so welcome, even if only partial relief is achieved.

I am grateful for doctors that continue to try to figure out how to help me, how to help cure me and how to fix this imperfect body of mine. I am grateful especially to the ones that consult our Savior and ask for His guidance. I am grateful for the many doctors I have that are willing to seek and hear inspiration to help heal my body. I know they are good, good people.

Thomas and I are praying for guidance in where to go next. Where to find answers and hopefully where to find healing. We are searching, we are praying, we are seeking guidance. We know that life is long, there is much to be learned and many trials to conquer and overcome. Healing, answers, guidance, inspiration all come in the Lord's time. He is the only one that sees the entire big picture of how things are effected and how lives can be changed, lessons learned and faith restored. I trust that right now He is aware of me and my situation. I may not enjoy the daily pain and daily need for help but I do find comfort that I am not alone. He has brought so many incredible people to my side to help me navigate my way through the pain, sickness and heartaches. He has comforted my deepest fears and infirmities. I have felt Him so close with His arms wrapped around me when I no longer could face the fear or pain.

So for now, we wait as patiently as possible, we try to hear the inspiration that I know He sends and we pray fervently that we will find answers and that the doctors we see will be inspired to run the right test, seek the correct treatment and listen to the promptings that our Savior sends to help them heal me.

The blessings are numerous and we are so grateful. We feel our Savior near. Even in the painful moments that feel everlasting, I know that with His help, I can endure all things. He has given me the wonderful support group to help me through this and the tender mercies from Him and his earthly angels are without number. As we seek and find answers, I will keep this blog updated.

And, I will continue to get my foot baths, so that my kidneys and liver will hopefully hold in there until they can find a cure for my ailing body. Thank your for your prayers. I feel them. I know they are heard by our Father in Heaven. They comfort me and help me to endure.