Wednesday morning, I felt pretty good after my doctor appointment. I decided to see if anyone wanted to take me and Hayden to the movies. Julie quickly agreed. We took Gunter with us and saw how to Train your Dragon 2. Cute movie. Most of all, I loved having a fun day with Hayden. Oh how I laid in bed for years and longed for the simplicity and ability to go to a movie with my boy.
I did fine during the movie. It was cool inside, I sat with my feet up, and soaked in the freedom that I had for so long just dreamed of. (Yes, Hayden and I would watch movies on the couch and pretend we were at the movies. He would make popcorn, get us drinks, we would recline and tune off our cell phones.) so to attend for real....a dream come true.
On the way home, it was hot. So so hot. The boys wanted to go to lunch. Thinking I would play it safe, I told them to pick a drive thru and we could eat at home but mom had to get out of the sun quickly. I could tell it was starting to cause issues and I needed out quickly.
Sonic slushies were on their wish list. Perfect. Quick in. Quick out. Home to safety and to a nap.
Well, plans don't always work out. The drive thru had several cars but nothing alarming. The sun was direct. It started to get hotter. Sonic has no way of pulling out of the line. You are trapped. Minutes turned into longer minutes. I could feel the seizures building. I felt as if I was going to pass out. Panic set in. Then anxiety as I knew I HaD to escape the sun. My blood was beginning to heat up and my heart racing. I was in trouble. I whispered to myself. "Stay calm". Panic set in. No where to go. Sonic doesn't have an indoors for me to escape to. No misters. Walgreens was too far to walk. I prayed. I pleaded. Please let the cars move. It hit 10 minutes. Then 15. Then 20. How long can it take to get drinks for 8 cars? At 25 minutes, I was struggling to not just run until I collapsed. Everything hurt. Pain was excruciating. I was hotter than hot and my inside was burning. On fire. At 27 minutes, we were finally able to get out of that horrendous line. How in the world can a drive thru be so slow.
I don't remember much on the way home other than pleading for green,lights. Each stop we came to, I felt the need to escape. Find shelter. Coolness relief. I also just wanted the safety of home. I sat. I pled with my Savior for protection. I questioned my sanity and ability to make choices. Why did I go? What was I thinking? I know I cannot survive the heat? What happened to my judgement?
As we pulled into home, I planned to dart for the indoors. However, I was almost delirious. My movements slow. I felt as if I had been living on slow speed. Each step felt dragged out and deliberate but slow and excrutiating. I finally made it inside. I wrapped myself I. Wet towels. Changed to get the heat filled clothing off my body. As I struggled with the water and towels, I could feel myself slipping. Slipping back to that unknown and scary place of seizures and unconsciousness. The place of racing hearts, headaches and falling. I braced myself. I threw water all over me. I collapsed.
The rest of the day brought sickness, chills, heat, miserable blood boiling heat radiating from within. The night was long. I barely endured.
Thursday brought more intensified symptoms. I felt awful.
So much for a meeting I was supposed to speak at that evening. Not possible. I couldn't leave the house. Much less get ready, endure the heat and drive in a car to an event.
Instead, Thomas took Hayden and I to Lisa's after giving me a beautiful priesthood blessing. The blessing brought some relief but my body still had to endure the effects of a terrible heatstroke.
Heatstroke. Or death. They are awful. I remembered why I don't leave the house in Arizona. It was so nice to find relief for the intense heat while in Cali.
I was reminded that although some things are better, this will be a long journey of trial and error. Days of relief and days of misery. Days of feeling better and days where I am as sick as I ever was.
It's ok. I can do this. I will learn my limitations. I will learn my abilities. I will learn to take to slow. I will learn to deal with this body. I have learned that this body is frail and weak and Imperfect.
I am reminded of President Uctdorf's conference talk. We are not mortals having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a mortal experience. Our spirits do not always conform to these bodies. Our bodies are mortal and prone to diseases and illness, problems and complications, it breaks, it gets sick, it gets tired, it is confining and painful. But, the ability to perfect our spirit within this mortal vessel is a blessing. Our spirit is strengthened by learning to navigate it. Learning to endure.
I am grateful every day for this mortal body of mine. It is what allows my spirit to stay on this earth with those I love. It's fragility and frailness has taught me dependence on my Savior. It has taught me patience and endurance. It has taught me to trust my Savior. It has tight me to fine tune my spirit. As my physical and mortal strength was taken, I was blessed to have been able to develop my spirit and strengthen it.
So, for now, no more outings during the day. Hopefully the nauseau and vomiting and chills and heat will go away. Until then, I will to back to the routine that I know so well. Stay away from all windows and doors. Do not let in the outside light. Keep cool. And this too shall pass.
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