Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Not Again

Yep. Regardless of how I would like life to go, I'm lucky to always get to experience the 1% chance. 99% chance will be ok....I must worry. Although I guess the reverse is true, as well. I should have died but yet I defy the odds. 

This time it is not fun. I've now had three intestinal blockages or obstructions in the past month. I can't get rid of them. Oh man do they hurt like crazy. The symptom list includes intense and unbearable pain. Yep. Great explanation along with nausea and vomiting and doubling into a ball. And it should include a trip to the ER. However, been there, done that. Miserable. A week with no food or water, hooked to iv's, getting CT scans every day and ultra sounds.  Um. I pass. 

I'm grateful for priesthood blessings that confirm my suspicions so I know what I am dealing with. I know how to out myself on an all liquid diet. And I'd rather lay doubled in a ball in my bed or on my,couch than anywhere else....especially a hospital bed. 

No wonder I haven't been able to eat anything or keep anything down. I have zero appetite. I am hurting beyond compare. 

I am also grateful for priesthood blessings that promise comfort and peace and endurance. For peace to know that if I follow guidelines at home, I will survive and be ok. Even when it's 3:30am and I have not yet been to sleep because of unbearable pain and spending most of the night on the bathroom floor. 

I've had this before and barely escaped the condition prior to surgery.  I am praying for that type of miracle again. Why do I share? I know that everyone has prayed and prayed and fasted and been there for me. I feel your prayers. I feel your strength as I pass through these hard trials. The pain is eased as I rely on my Savior and feel the added protection and comfort from the prayers of so many loves ones and dear friends. I feel the strength and prayers of my ward family and total strangers. 

I am so grateful for the priesthood and the power of healing it brings. I'm praying for yet another blessing of healing in my,life. That through our collective prayers that I may be healed and may go on again. I'd appreciate any prayers that you could offer up in my behalf. I'm a firm believer in prayer and the Savior hearing our petitions. He answers in His own way and in. His own timing. I'm praying this is short lived and may pass quickly. Your prayers, as always, are very very appreciated. Hugs to all of you, my dear friends!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Garage sale

Getting ready for a garage sale is a TON of work. 

I have been pricing clothes and toys and home goods. I'm praying for a good turn out and lots of buyers. I'm so grateful for all that has been donated. If anyone has anything lying around you are wanting to get rid of, and you are close by, we will come pick it up. 

Will Rogers is having their annual neighborhood garage sale a week from Saturday, Nov 5th and 6th, I believe. Come. There should be lots of good stuff. We have a ton of clothing. Tons and tons. Lots of home goods. Video games. Mega blocks. Toys. Furniture. Antiques. And more. 

We moved most of the items to Julie's house. Our garage is looking so so good. It's so nice. Heavenly. I love being organized. Kudos to my husband and son and Chad for lots and lots and lots of hours of hard work to get it organized. We have more to oh but it's heavenly. 

Suzi

Suzi asked of Thomas would come help put up her tv. She said in exchange she would give us some items to sell at the garage sale. Oh wow did she. Bags and bags of clothes. Many pairs of Miss Me and LA Idol Jeans. Baby Nike's and lots of clothes. 

When we got to her house, she also took us out to breakfast. If you live in Gilbert or Queen Creek the Egg and I is delicious. So so yummy. Whole wheat waffles were amazing.  Yummy!!!!

While at the restaurant, Suzi ran out for a minute. She came back with a prepaid appointment for me to get my hair done. I told her no. Too much money and asked her if she would just dye the roots if it was that bad. Well, I guess it was awful because the hairdresser asked if I had my hair dyed in less than a year. Ummm. No. It just wasn't a priority. I'm sure it looked awful but honestly, where do I go? The lady who did it was amazing. Suzi told her she needed to do it as fast as possible. I e never seen someone wrap foils so fast. And my hair set up in minutes. I was in and out in less than an hour and a half. And it looks and feels great. 

We also raided Suzi's food stash she was getting rid of. She was going to take her out dated food the the food bank. I looked up shelf life of items and we were able to utilize quite a bit. Even a case of green beans and a case of canned corn and a case of peas. The case of fruit didn't work as it was bulging and had exploded inside. Oops. That made a little bit of a mess. 

Needless to say, we scored big time! Breakfast, hair highlighted and cut, pantry items and tons of items for sale. Probably 10 garbage sacks full. Needless to say, it was a great score of a day. Thanks, Suzi for the fun and special treatment. I felt so good getting my hair done. Exhausted but happy!!!

Tyler's birthday and cousins

Oh how I love Tyler. I was so excited he flew in on Saturday to visit his parents and family. Part of the bonus of us living down the street from Lisa, is I get to see her kids when they come to town. Tyler flew in for his birthday. Lisa had her brother and his family and kids with their kids and her mom over for a BBQ at the park. Luckily, I was invited. I loved seeing cousins and my cousins kids and their kids. I loved talking with my mom's sister. 

While we were there, Jake called. I said to come down. He did. I loved seeing Jake and Rosie and I kept Katelyn. 

We laughed and had a great time at the park. I sure love Lisa and her children. And of course, Bob! 

After the picnic, Katelyn, Chad and Hayden hung out and played video games all night. I loved hearing the giggles and laughs from the game room. 

Sweet Katelyn spent the night. Oh how I love her. Being thirteen and a girl is hard. Having a very popular sister a year older who is athletic and outgoing and the life of the party is even harder. Add in a perky little sister who is a cheerleader and skinny and life feels rough and overwhelming. Poor girl. I hugged her and told her that teenage girls are unfortunately mean. I tried to have her remember how precious she is and how much she is loved. She needs to be her and not her sisters. 

Why are teenagers and girls so stinking mean? She struggles with self esteem like so many other girls. And boy how she struggles with trying to find her place and where she excels. She is an amazing girl. She has so many talents and so many great qualities. She is so loved. I wish I could hug her and let her see herself as I see her but more importantly, as her Father in Heaven sees her and values her. 

We sure loved her being around. I love that Chad identifies with her struggles and he tries so hard to make her and Hayden feel so important and special. 

Last night as Suzi asked him to do something for Katelyn and Hayden, he refused to be paid but said he genuinely just wanted to help and be there for them. I admire Chad and his ability to see a need of others struggling and wanting to help. He sure loves the underdog and will do all he can to build another and make them feel good about themselves. 

Families have their crazy qwerks. They may be goofy and funny. But, I love th bonds from one generation to the next. From grandparent to kids and grandchildren to aunts and uncles and cousins and nieces and nephews. Families are the essential and vital unit on this earth. We are here to hold each other's hands and lift one another and help each other navigate this life. 

I've watched Chad do it for Hayden and Hayden for Brigham or Talmage. I love that Kaylee has reached out to Hayden and Hayden to Katelyn. I love that Brooklyn takes care of Brinley and loves being with Hayden. I love the bonds. 

I love my cousins and how much they mean to me. I pray that Hayden states close to his cousins. That him and Brooklyn are always friends. That Chad and Hayden get together with their families someday. One of my greatest wishes would be for Brooklyn and Hayden to grow up and marry and live close to each other and be best friends. Oh how I pray that Chad and Katelyn and Brigham and Talmage will always love Hayden. He doesn't have siblings but he has amazing cousins. Wonderful and loving and kind and good cousins. 

Family...it may be crazy but it sure is fun. I'm lucky for such wonderful family that are my dearest friends. 


Saying Goodbye

These sweet children and their amazing parents have a special place in my heart. 

I met Sarah and Jordan when they were newlyweds. They were speaking at church and I had a distinct impression that I needed to become friends with Jordan, but especially for Brigham's sake. We were then both called to serve as ward missionaries. The night Jukei was baptized, we had a celebration at our home afterwards. Sarah and Jordan came and supported Jukie and stayed afterwards to help me clean up. Sarah was struggling and wanted children so badly but it wasn't happening. She met my sweet sister, Jodi, and her children that night and Sarah knew adoption was the answer. 

From that time, we all talked many times about the gospel, missionary work, kids, and adoption. They became certified and received a beautiful baby, Ty. He was with them for four months until he was reunited with his birth parents. Sarah called sobbing and I talked her thru how I handled baby girl being ripped out of our hearts, arms and lives.  I prayed for her to find peace. 

Shortly thereafter, they received sweet little Zee, weighing only a few pounds and with a broken arm, a cast and a broken spirit from all of the abuse. Sarah and Jordan healed his heart along with his underdevelopment, broken bones and broken little soul. 

Within a short time period, they found out about Rex and started getting transition visits. There is only a 3 month difference between the two boys. Rex was living with his grandma with many siblings and she just couldn't do another. 

Within a short time, two other little baby boys joined their home and became theirs. TJ and Ace. Both see reunited with others. I watched Sarah's heart break. I cried with her. I held her. We sobbed together. Then Zee got taken back and oh howdy did she break. Especially knowing he situation he was going back to. She fought like crazy for him. 

Devastated, she went on with life unsure how to survive without her precious boys. A bright moment happened when their precious Rex was officially adopted and sealed to them in the temple. Oh how they rejoiced and we rejoiced right along with them. We also shed many tears over the loss of her other children. 

Then Sarah received the call...twin girls just born. Great chance of easily adopting them. They were only one day old. Jet came home and a couple of days, Rudy, joined her. Sarah loved her twin girls. 

With the babies quite little, Sarah go a devastating oh on call. Zee had been badly hurt by his birth family and was fighting for his life in PCH. Sarah fought and called and did all she could to get to him. She requested an emergency hearing and was able to heal Zee in their home. The poor boy had been hurt physically, mentally and emotionally. He was broken inside. The loving parents that they are, they thught their son to walk again, to talk, potty trained him and held him as he would scream and cry. 

She raised these four precious babies. She has more patience and love than I could ever imagine. Then came more devastating news, after almost a year of trying to adopt Zee and court battles, all prior abuse was consider an accident and he went back home. Sarah broke knowing what was in store for him. 

We all fasted and prayed. We pleaded for something. Meanwhile the adoption and likelihood of the girls being adopted grew brighter. With hardly any contact for months, Zee and his birth family showed up and said that she knew the best thing was Zee needed to be with them. He hadn't slept or ate or stopped crying for his mom and dad, his Rex and sisters. They were reunited. The fasting worked. 

A couple of weeks ago, I sat in the temple as these three younger babies were sealed to Joedan and Sarah. It was beautiful. 

Jordan was transferred to Utah. 

This sweet family that became our family had to move. 

We went to say goodbye last night. Oh how it ripped my heart out. Thomas and I consider these babies our nephews and niece and/or our grand kids. We love them. Sarah and Jordan are some of our dearest friends. 

We came to the door to hear the boys yell, "Aunt Jer is here!" Oh how I will miss that. 

Hugs were given, they attacked Hayden, and teased with Thomas. I cuddled them.  

I brought out their small going away presents. Each was given a small stuffed animal to remind them of us. 

As I gave Zee his, he said, "will this keep me safe so no one can hurt me ever again?"  I assured him it would and I held him tight. Rex begged for us to come with them. He smiled and gave pouty faces and tried all tactics to get us to agree. Once we agreed to come visit, he said, "but I will miss you so much."  The girls just smiled and laughed and soaked in cuddles and kisses, oblivious to the changed ahead. 

Rex and Zee wrestled with Hayden. He tickled them and teased the.  Hayden is so great with kids. He had all four following his every move. 

We hugged our dear friends. We cuddled and hugged these four precious babies that I fasted and prayed for many many timesover the past several years. Hayden consistently prayed for them and fasted for them to be a family. 

I will miss them like crazy. I will my boys and their excitement to see us. I will miss the hugs and kisses and laughter as they play with Hayden. I will miss the words...Aunt Jer.... Coming off of their lips and those sweet voices. I will miss the baby girls and their ability to warm my heart. I will miss my dear sweet friend, Sarah and our talks and hugs. I will miss Jordan and his hugs and huge smile when we walk in the room. I will miss the way he makes Hayden come to life. 

But, I'm so happy that their journey in Arizona brought us together. That they came here to adopted these four precious babies that I love. That they influenced Hayden in such amazing ways. And that they were our friends. They didn't care if I looked like death and was barely able to walk. Regardless of anything, they were our friends. Friends that chose us as family. And we chose them right back. 

I love you..Jordan, Sarah, Rex, Zee, Jet and Rudy. Never forget us. We will all love you forever. 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Little Things

It's the little things that make life doable and endurable. 

A couple of night ago...other than I am alive and am surrounded by wonderful people and of course all the benefits that come with that and the beloved gospel of Jesus Christ in my life..... I was struggling. I felt like the trials were piling and I am drowning. 

However, like I have done so many times, I knelt down and handed it over to my Savior. I told him I was overwhelmed and done. I tried and tried and couldn't figure it out. I guess that I has taken too much back over. When I trust the Savior completely, I find peace and help and answers. Instead, I think I must do it all. How many times must I learn?!

Yesterday morning , I woke up. I wasn't going to dwell on finding answers. I would walk and trust the Savior that. He would "bear my burdens that they may be light". Every thought that would come into my head, I would pray it back to my Savior, telling. Him I would "do" anything in my power but I needed guidance and direction and answers. Fear and frustration and anxiety wasn't helping me.  

I had prayed as to whether or not to try to develop q96 more or pursue other opportunities for financial gain. Of course I would take it but should we focus on building a business. I prayed for an answer for Christmas. I prayed for disability date to be confirmed. I prayed for peace. 

I received so many calls on Q96 and so many orders. I received a letter from the state and department of social security stating they would arrange a video conference so I wouldn't have to go to the courthouse as they thought I was too sick. And I figured some ideas for Christmas. My prayers were answered when I turned it over to the Savior. 

When I tried working it out and carrying it and "fixing" things, I failed miserably. When I handed it over to my Savior, things started to fall into place. 

It amazes me every time. It shouldn't. My Savior always takes care of me. Always. And  he provides more than I could ever dream of. 

I'm so grateful for a loving Savior that knows me, Jerlyn. He knows the struggles I face. He knows thw pain I endure. He knows my needs and my wants and my desires. He knows my husband and son. He knows what they need and how to help. I love Him. I'm grateful. And I am so relieved today and filled with the Spirit. 

Walks

Tuesday night, Thomas and I talked. I knew with all of the stress and challenges in life right now, I needs to make changes. I told him I was going to try to start walking early in the morning. I may only make it a few houses but the dogs needed it, Hayden needed it and I needed it. 

I said walk and Max went from sleeping to pulling at his leash. He would not stop. So Thomas ended up taking the dogs for,walk at 11pm at night. I had told Max. No. In the morning.  When boy wakes up, we will go for a walk. Since Thomas took him, I gpfigure he wouldn't remember. 

Boy was I wrong. Max was peacefully asleep. When Hayden woke up and went to the bathroom, Max climbed out from bed and looked around. When Hayden laid down on the bed, Max attacked him. He kissed him and kept trying to get him up. He then ran to get his leash. He remembered. Crazy dog. 

I got up and put on my big hat and sunglasses and we went for a walk around the block. It was beautiful. Seriously. Birds chirping, the sun rising, a gentle breeze blowing and the smell of fall in the air. I took a deep breath. My heart loved it. 

I have been stuck indoors since we went to the beach. And before that, it was May since I was able to be outside for more than just the seconds it takes to get from the door to the car. Sunshine and fresh air are so nice. I'm loving this weather. 

After we walked the block, I supervised. Hayden weeding. Well I may have bent down some. Oh man sakes alive am I sore and exhausted today. But it feels so good at the same time. The pups were in Heaven. 

This morning, they woke up again ready and willing to go on their walk. This morning, Thomas woke me up earlier and he walked with us. I was so slow that Hayden lapped us. Maya would stop and smell as I tried to out one foot on front of the other. I laughed I went so slow. But it doesn't matter. I DID IT! I walked two days in a row. Now, I crawled back on bed and haven't been out since. I'm not sure that I will be able to the rest of the day. But that doesn't matter. I got some sunshine without passing out and it felt great. 

The doctor thinks early early morning or late evening sun, with hats and sunglasses, and I may be able to endure up to 10 minutes in the outside. Heaven I tell you. Sheer Heaven.  Boy does it do something for my mood to increase my time outside. 

Life is good. It really is.