Friday, July 18, 2014

Alone

I think of my Savior often. His life. His days. His path. His struggles. His triumphs. His thoughts. His feelings. His aloneness. 

There are moments, days and even years that we all must walk alone on is earth.  

Whether there are some who stand with us, there are always those that stand aside, judging and mocking. Those that minimize our struggles and trials and those that criticize and judge how we handle  our lives. They find fault. They minimize our struggles. They judge. They justify why we were cursed saying we brought it on ourselves. They minimize our walk. They think they know why we needed up in the situation, or that we chose it. They think they understand.  They feel justified in their acusations and judgements. 

I often find myself remembering how many mocked and scorned and judged our Savior. Some of those closest to Him, including his brothers and sisters, were the last to recognize who he truly was. He was spitten on, gossiped about, judged, mocked, disregarded, lied about, and misunderstood. He was the greatest and was pronounced the least. He gave all. He understood the plan and sacrificed all. 

Job was a great man of God yet as he one by one lost his family and friends, home and money, his land and inheritance, he was judged and mocked, scorned and mistreated. He was deemed unrighteous and unloved by God because of his lot in life, by others.  He was judged by what happened to him not by how he handled the situation. Most thought that if he was doing what was right, God would have protected him. No. He was cherished and loved by God because, even in his despair and desolation, he always loved and served God. He never faultered. He loved and trusted, even when all was against him. 

Joseph Smith is another of my heroes. He was chosen by God. He was the one closest to perfect, other than our Savior, to walk this earth. Yet his life was filled with heartache and despair. Pain and sadness. He suffered being tarred and feathered. He suffered death of children. He suffered rumors. He suffered lies. He was tormented. He experienced trials most all of us would have crumbled under. Most, including me, would have felt forsaken and forgotten and abandoned by our Savior.  But Joseph Smith forged on.  He never denied his Savior. He found the good and endured the bad. He too trusted God, even when all went wrong. 

I am not comparing myself with these elite men. I am just stating that as my life has had elements similar to theirs, I have taken a cue from them in how to handle these situations. They loved them. They loved their persecutors. They helped those who mocked them. They prayed for those that were their enemies. 

I am grateful for a Savior that suffered the ridicule and torment for me. That in Gethsemanee he already bore the heartache of ridicule and mockery, of being judged harshly by loved ones and acquaintances. That my Savior experienced judgements of the world and the loss of friends and family due to situations not of his doing. In his trials, instead of encouragement and uplifting that he received judgements and criticism and mockery. 

And if the Savior of man have experienced these things... What makes me think that I should be free from the world's and loved ones and friends and acquaintances judgements and harsh criticism? Why do I think that I should have it any easier than my Savior. He was perfect. I am not. 

Yet, in those moments when I find myself judged and the object of critism and acquisations, my Savior  understands. He comforts me when those I love judge me. He wraps his arms around me when those I love speak untruths about me. When they question my path. When they question my sanity. When they question who I am and all I stand for. 

I have learned that in the end, the only person who can permantly do that is my Savior. And he knows the truth behind my illness and struggles. He knows the pain and illness plaguing my body.  He loves me. He cherishes me. He loves me. And then. I feel enough. 

My Savior knows the truth. He knows my efforts. He knows my walk. My journey. My heartache. My ups and downs. The pain of doctors telling me to give up. And the sting of loved ones telling me to just quit faking. He is the only judge. He knows all and sees all. 

And again, I find comfort and relief. Knowing someday, all will know the truth. All will see with perfect eyes the ways we treated one another. I look forward to his judgement. I look forward to the truth. I look forward to standing with my Savior and having him say it was ok. My life mattered and was ok to him. What a peace that will bring when the King of Kings judges me and is proud of my efforts. I look forward to judgement day and the glorious day that will be. Until then....I will hold on. 

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Pneumonia and spiraling health

Oh have I been behind in blogging and I have to catch up as part of an importNt new journey and area in my life. 

May brought more pneumonia. So much so that ER was in my immediate future. I was told my body was quitting. Giving up. Losing the fight. At that rate, I wouldn't survive the summer. I couldn't imagine how I would ever survive the car ride to the beach. My body was tormented with pain and illness. 

Worse yet, emotionally, I was struggling to stand and get out of bed. Depression began to rack my world. I couldn't see the good in continuing to fight and live. I felt I was just becoming a huge burden on all, especially my family. 

Getting out of bed and smiling were harder than fighting the illness. My body wanted to cave in. I wanted to go home. Home to the safety and loving arms of my Savior. I wanted relief. I wanted comfort. I needed relief in the worst way. 

The pain was becoming unbearable and excruciating. The emotions whirlwinds from the struggles. The seizures more rampant. The passing out more frequent. The struggles were constant. My life was a living hell. 

My son was terrified I would die. He struggled to half raise himself as I lay lifeless in bed struggling just to smile at him. Don't get me wrong, I love being Hayden's mother and that was my fight and strength and will to live. It was in my thoughts every moment. But it was hard to see how I benefitted his or Thomas' life at all. Just as I was, they were confined to the house. Stuck because of me. Filled with fear and hopelessness. Filled with fear of my death or next illness or seizure. We were all living a hell very few could understand while smiling on the outside, we were suffocating on the inside. 

Thomas was silently struggling to fight for us both. 

We were both trying to shelter Hayden. 

Our lives were crumbling. 

We spiraled downward. 

We sought help in every direction.... Desperate to find relief and grasping for any chance at hope. 

Even the priesthood blessings has changed. They offered a choice. They brought hope only in leaving this world behind and finding rest in my Savior's arms. Yet, there was always a choice. Always a reassurance from my Savior that this life of mine was benefitting his other children. My struggles, even though barely understood by so many, were helping give hope to others to hold on. So, minute by minute, hour by hour, and on the best days, day by day, we held on. We prayed to be strengthened, comforted and held in our Savior's arms while we searched for some relief. 

The weeks of April tuned into May and May to June. With each passing day, the pain grew excrutiatingly worse. By May, the crippling effects of this disease were making walking so painful. My feet hurt so bad. Nothing would help. No creams or ointments, lidocaine and deep blue rub no longer even took off the edge. My nerves were all firing constantly.  Sleep did not come as the pain would torment me at night. 

I tried to smile. To blow off the horrible hell I was living. Let all around me not see the world I was captive by. I tried to grin through each painful step as Hayden was seeing and feeling the truthfulness of my life. He would slide up beside me and help me to and from the couch and bathroom. He brought me things. I didn't want my son caring for me.....it was more than I could emotionally bear. I could not so that to him. 

Doctors warned that my body had fought the fight longer than humanly possible. I agreed with them, assuring them that I did not walk alone. Even though the pain was one step before completely unbearable, that my Savior stepped in when I honestly could no longer carry this pain and burden. It was then that He would lift and strengthen me or ease the pain. Only then. One step before the cliff. 

I only try to paint this unbearable pain and excruciating emotionally tormenting life so that one can appreciate the blessing and answered prayer that Q96 has been for me. Are all the pains gone? No. Do I still struggle with nerve pain and insomnia and horrible effects from my disease? Yes. But, I now have hope. Hope of a future. Hope of conquering death. Hope of a better life. Hope of again being a mom and caregiver. I am hopeful.

Hope...something that helps us see a glimpse of a better life. Hope.....the strength to walk that next step. Hope..... The brighter outlook for a better tomorrow.  Hope...that our trials and earthly struggles will be worth it. Hope...that I have fought a good fight. Hope....that in spite of all, with this life is over, that my Savior will welcome me home, wrap me in His loving arms and says, "Well done my good and faithful servant. Well done."

Q96. It has given me back the ability to hope. 

Monday, July 7, 2014

Empowerplus Q96

Thomas and I are starting a new adventure. Ok. More Thomas. Less me. But we are a "we", right??

With the success that. Hayden and I have found on Q96 vitamin supplements, we decided that we might as well get them wholesale and share this amazing product with others. Everyone we talk to is interested. In today's world, most of us could use more energy, increased awareness and mental clarity, better coping skills to face life and a sense of calm and peace to get us through each and every day. So, Thomas signed up to be a representative for the company. 

Thomas has absolutely loved the opportunities this is product and company is offering. He enjoys his Thursday night meetings and loves to inspire and help others. This is his dream job to be helping others find hope and relief. 

Me, the difference I am experiencing is amazing. I never again dreamed of feeling even this good. Hayden is finding and achieving amazing results. 

Hayden's success has been astounding. He no longer has night terrors. He sleeps in his own room. He is genuinely happy....always. He is braver. More social. More outgoing. His headaches and migraines have subsided. His gastrointestinal issues have significantly decreased. His leg aches have stopped. He says the storm is gone. 

He said he never wants to be without it. 

For more info or how to experience these miraculous changes in your own life, contact me or Thomas or see our website at Murphy.myqxlife.com. 

More info to come......

Friday, June 27, 2014

New help found

My dear lifelong friend, Darce contacting me a couple of months back about a new product she was finding success with. Crazy as life is, I had several people bring new products to me within a week. With money being a major issue, we wanted to figure out which one product to try. 

One night, during a painful and emotionally rough night, I had a meltdown. A crying, sobbing, feel sorry for myself complete breakdown. I sobbed. My cries awoke Thomas. He said a prayer. That night I started on this new product, Q96. 

Within the first couple of days, I felt a change. I was calmer. I was coping with issues that were sending me into a breakdown. And much to my surprise, carrying on a conversation and it wasn't causing major concentration and a headache due to the complex strain of concentrating. Within a week, I was experiencing improved concentration and clarity. I was coping with a greater calm. 

I started sleeping thru the night and had increased energy during the day. My afternoons still included a nap but it was now 2 hours instead of 4 hours of complete unconsciousness and dipping rates into coma stats. I was happier. I was enjoying my life more. 

Two weeks on the product and Hayden came bouncing into my room with a smile stretched across his amazing face. He commented that I was mom again. How great is that!?! He said, "Dad, mom is more mom than she has been in years." We asked how. He went on about the sound of my voice and the smile on my face. But most of all that I was more relaxed and laid back. Nothing could have brought more joy and peace to heart and mind. 

Hayden is also taking this vitamin/mineral/micronutrient. He has been on it only a couple of weeks. The changes and benefits we are seeing are amazing. He is no longer having night terrors. He is sleeping in his own room. He is no longer chewing and eating his shirt and anything else he can out in his mouth. He is calmer. He is happier. He is interacting more with his peers and sticking with it for longer time period of time. His headaches are completely gone. He had daily headaches. His daily leg cramps are gone. His digestive issues have drastically decreased. He too, is experiencing these same added benefits of a calmness, added clarity with homeschooling and coping with his realm of health issues. He smiles more and is genuinely happier. 

My nephew is struggling. He has severe ADHD and Anxiety issues. Both are drastically decreased. My sweet nephew told me that, "the storm in my head is gone."  He is embracing his life with added joy and zest. He is doing things he has never had the attention span and ability to do. He went to the movies for the first time and loved it and wanted to go back. He is socializing with more friends and less anxious while doing so. He is cleaning and doing chores and things he despised with a calmer demeanor. He is seeing the benefits of this product, but his mom is really noticing the difference. It is giving him a better quality of life. 

I could keep going with story after story. Example after example. And testimonials that would wow. 

This formula of vitamins and micronutrients was formulated and created by a man who tragically lost his wife to suicide while she battled a bipolar disorder. Two of his children were headed in the same direction and he was so scared he would lose them to this illness. He just knew he had to be able help his children and his quest began. 

The day that his son walked out of his room and was better functioning. He then gave it to his daughter. They began taking control of their disease rather than the bipolar disorder overriding their lives. 

Thomas and I believe this is the road to our future. In a very personal prayer,  Thomas and I were told to pursue this product. Not just as a consumer, but we were to get into the business. I don't know that we will make a lot of money. But, we both have the desire to help others lives improve. 

In fact, the wording used by my Savior was, "A one stop shop". He wanted. Thomas and I to created a haven where people can come. Where we can help direct them in where to turn for peace, strength, hope, essential oils, chiropractor, a myriad of doctors and now Q96. My dear Savior is trusting me and Thomas to help others in helping them find different doctors, medications and treatments to help them. We will also be blessed to use our experiences to promote faith and hope and our Savior in coping with daily challenges. I couldn't be more him led or excited for this new journey and adventure. 

So, if you are struggling with depression, bipolar disorder, dementia, Alzheimer's, autism, ADHD, strokes, neurotransmitter balance, migraines or any neurological conditions. If you are hoping for a greater calm in your life. If you need extra help in order to just cope with the circumstances of life and your road. Or if concentration and clarity are causing you issues and anxiety, or just forgetting, this product may be for you. 

If there is anything that Thomas or I can do to help or answer questions, we would love to. We want to pass this on so all can see the benefits we are experiencing. We will update our journey. We are excited for this new adventure. And we are meeting incredible people along this road. 

Were our prayers answered? Yes. They were not answered how we thought they would be. However, our Savior is guiding and directing out lives. He is leading us to a beautiful place. And Q96 is definitely apart of our answer and journey. Stay tuned.... We are excited for this adventure to begin. 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Priesthood and my beliefs

I have spent the last year of my life studying the priesthood. Not because it was in the news or because it was on the forefront of topics and media and social media, but because my sweet son was preparing to receive the priesthood. 

As we studied, we learned about how Christ established His gospel when He walked this earth. We talked of how the priesthood power, with property authority, was again restored to this earth through the prophet, Joseph Smith. 

We learned of the blessings that come thru the obedience of the gospel. We learned of all the ways that the priesthood power is the power to bind in Heaven what is bound on earth. We studied the power of the priesthood that miracles are wrought by. 

We studied the priesthood line of authority. Where all of the authority of each person ordained, could be directly traced back to the Savior. My sweet son was excited to learn that his priesthood authority directly came from our Savior. We studied this and the importance. We studied the scriptures. 

During that time, we learned important truths. The priesthood is a power do service and blessing the lives of others. Others. In no way can this sacred priesthood power be utilized to bless the lives of oneself. It isn't possible. 

To me, women are born with the internal desire to bless lives. We see the needs of others and we try to meet them. We are born to love and serve. We are born to be mothers and nurturers and caregivers. We naturally take care of one another. 

When our Savior placed Adam and Eve in this earth, they both had divine qualities that are gifts from our Heavenly parents. Women received the gift to give birth, to nurture and received the greatest call given, to that of divine motherhood. Men, to help encourage them and keep them focused on the Savior's ways, were given the gift of the priesthood to help them to look beyond themselves in this life. 

Both gifts different, but both essential critical and important. 

Is playing the piano or having a beautiful singing voice more valued? What about a fabulous cook or an amazing craftsman? What about an eloquent writer or a beautiful illustrator? 

We are each given beautiful gifts from our Heavenly Father. Whether raising  a child or raising the dead, or comforting the sick and making them meals or laying of hands to call down the powers of Heaven, we are all valued and needed in the Lord's kingdom. Each of us. Men and women. Fathers and Mothers. Sons and daughters of God. 

I am grateful to understand that my divine role of a mother and daughter of God is valued and precious to my Savior and Father in Heaven. I am grateful for a loving husband that guides and directs our family with love. That he uses his priesthood power to bless our lives and the lives of all of those around us. 

To me, the priesthood is a partnership. It is a power, given to righteous men to bless the lives of all those around them. With Thomas, I am a recipient of my Savior's love, because my husband can call down the powers of Heaven to bless our lives. 

After I have been caring all day for a sick child or parent or friend, my husband can help, be of service, by laying his hands on their head and calling down the powers of Heaven, to help heal and comfort and strengthen the sick and the caregiver. While giving the blessing, he can receive inspiration and guidance in what words to speak, what actions to take and how to bless those around. A good and faithful priesthood holder would then help in any way they felt inspired, teaming up with others, creating a partnership with the caregivers and our  Father in Heaven and Savior, to bless the lives of those in need. 

Each of us are important and critical in this life. Our Father in Heaven needs all the willing hands he can get to help in this life. Whether we help utilizing the priesthood, or God given gifts of nurturing and serving, we are all needed and wanted and a vital part of the plan. 

I am grateful for the priesthood, it's power, and the blessing I have to have it so easily accessible in my home. It is truly one of my greatest blessings. 

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

My Savior

Oh how this quote describes my life now and always. My Savior has asked me to do hard things. He has asked me to walk a road very seldom traveled. He asked me to forge ahead and create a path. He asked me to trust Him. He asked me to do the impossible alone, but assured me that He would walk with me and together we could accomplish His plan. I am so glad I trusted Him. I am so grateful for my experiences. I'm so blessed to have come to know my Savior in a very personal and intimate way. He is my Savior. My Redeemer. My strength. My wisdom. My best friend. My comforter. My all. 

I am grateful my Savior loved me enough to allow me to walk this path and journey with him. Though this path was unbelievably hard and undeniably the hardest journey I could imagine, my Savior lovingly and patiently walked it with me. He has taught me. He has guided me. He has comforted me. He has given me so much. Most of all, I testify that He lives. 

He is all the wonderful things that everyone says. He loves me. His daughter. He knows my name. He knows me better than I know myself. And he is so gentle and kind and loving. He is patient with me and oh so gentle. 

He trusted me. And I have learned to trust him always and without question. I have experienced his love and compassion. I have felt his arms gently wrap around me and comfort me when all the worldly and earthly things were taken from me.  I have come to trust his words, his heart, his eyes, his soul and his will. 

I testify His ways are better than mine. I testify that He will never lead me or anyone wrong. The path may be rocky and rough. It may feel like it is straight uphill and impossible. But our Savior has taken me to new heights and new places. He has helped me to grow and reach beyond anything I could have attained myself. He has allowed me to feel excruciating sorrow and pain so I could feel exhilaration and His immeasurable love. He allowed me to walk alone so I would recognize Him and His presence. I'm grateful for His wisdom and trust in me. 

I love my Savior. He is my Redeemer. I am eternally indebted to Him. Because He loves me.  

Baptisms

Saturday was a day that I had been looking forward to for a very long time.

Almost a year ago, I started selling items on the online garage sale sites. We needed money and people wanted our things. It has worked out so well for us.

Not only have we been able to raise money by selling items online, I have also had the opportunity to meet some amazing people. I have been very blessed that many of those have now become my friends.

One of these ladies that bought things from me online was Kerri. Who would have known that a Star Wars Luke Skywalker costume and a star wars shooter could have put events in motion to unfold the way they have.

Last September, I listed different Halloween costumes of ours for sale. Immediately, Kerri sent a reply that she was interested in Luke Skywalker. She decided to meet at Thomas' office. At the last minute, her husband decided to come. Thomas and Shane sat and talked, as Shane used to work where Thomas does. Kerri and I spoke after and realized how many things we have in common.

In November, she was excited to buy several of Hayden's old toys and clothes from us. We were scheduled to meet. When she came, the trunk of the car would not open and we could not get access to the things she wanted to purchase. We struggled and struggled with that trunk. As we were moving, I was cleaning out more things that did not fit into our home. As I was sorting thru some books, I thought she may like some of the books I had on sensory processing and autism. I put them in a bag, didn't think much of it and was just going to give them to her, as we had spent many night awake and talking while she was dealing with a struggling child and me struggling to breathe. As I further went thru books, I picked up a Book of Mormon reader. I flipped thru it remembering all the times I read it to Hayden, and all the family home evenings that had been given using that book. Good memories. I started to keep it because I am sentimental. Then, a quick thought came and went, Kerri needs this. So far, Kerri and I had talked only a little about the church...I knew she wasn't a member and knew that she was only starting to have questions about God and the Bible. I set it aside and would pray about it.

I invited her to the Gilbert Temple open house. She accepted. We talked a little about temples and the church's views on different things.

On December 21st, we were to meet for her to get the items that had been previously stuck in the truck. I remembered the books. When I grabbed the Book of Mormon reader, I thought, what else do I have and what do I say? I grabbed a copy of the Book of Mormon and wrote my testimony in it. I grabbed the Book of Mormon reader and found the box with the Bible Readers in them and some other children's church books I had. I put them all in with a note. I told her that as I thought of what I could do for her, this was the gift I treasured most in life. It is also the book that I get most of my parenting skills from. It is the book I turn to when I need more patience, more guidance, more understanding, more humility and the list goes on.

December 22nd, I received a message from her thanking me. December 23rd, I received lists and lists of questions. She and her husband had stayed up all night and read all of the children's books cover to cover and had a list of questions. I spent the next several days responding to her questions and the new ones coming in. She craved reading and wanted to understand it all. We talked on families and the Family Proclamation. We talked of Christ. We talked of scriptures. We talked of prophets. We talked and talked and I wrote and wrote. She was just soaking everything she could in.

January came and her questions and comments became a regular part of my week. I looked forward to them and the way they made me think.

I loved hearing of her experience in the temple and how her son wanted them to go into the baptismal font. I loved when missionaries started coming to her home. I loved the day when she asked me about my testimony. I loved the moments we spent learning and researching and reading and growing. I loved her comments and the amazing person my friend was.

Good things happened to their family. He adopted her children. They had great experiences together. She was pregnant and all was going great. Then she developed a medical emergency. Next thing I knew, her baby boy was in critical condition, was over a month early and he was struggling to live. I got a message asking me to pray. I told her about the temple prayer roll. We put their names in. I talked to her about priesthood blessings and explained that Thomas could come to the hospital to help.

Her baby took a turn for the worse. He wasn't doing well. We went to the hospital and Thomas and another family friend of hers, laid their hands on their heads and gave both mom and baby blessings. We also brought up more reading materials. The Book of Mormon became a source of strength to her while she spent over a month in the hospital with her son. I looked forward to our daily talks about the gospel.

Her son grew healthier and with monitors attached, they took him home. While in the hospital, her ward in Casa Grande became involved. They helped with the other children at home, meals, cleaning the house and rides to/from the hospital.

Her daughter attended girls camp and loved it and the relationships she gained with the girls.

Last Saturday, I was blessed to attend the baptism of my friend, Kerri Haggstrom, her husband, Shane and their daughter, Autumn and son, Corbin. It was amazing seeing them all in white. The smiles stretched across their faces. They seriously beamed with excitement and anticipation.

When their 3 year old son walked in, he came right to me, even though I had only met him once. He sat on my lap, we played stickers, we read the Friend. He kept saying, "I want go water. I want Jesus. I want baptized." over and over he repeated the phrase, even making me leave the baptism to "go see Jesus". He was convinced he was there. He was so tender. The spirit so strong.

The baby saw me and smiled his little heart out. All joy.  All smiles. When he saw Thomas, he literally arched his back and coo'ed and tried leaning to Thomas. He smiled at him, he coo'ed, he giggled and just was so cute. His mom looked at me and said, "He must remember the blessing because I have never seen him like this." The smiles continued. Thomas loved it.

When I gave the closing prayer, Lil Red, my three year old buddy, prayed with me.

The joy I felt was indescribable. I am so grateful that I sold Hayden's Luke Skywalker costume. I am grateful I listened to the prompting to send the Book of Mormon reader. I am grateful for a lifelong friendship that has been built. I am grateful that my Father in Heaven allowed me to be a small part of His plan in bringing the greatest gift I have, to the lives of this amazing family.

The Lord is in the details of our lives. He can turn costumes into the gift of the gospel. He can turn a prompting into a gift.

I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know He lives. I know He atoned for our sins. I know that He restored His gospel, the same that He established when He walked this earth, to the young boy, Joseph Smith. So that we today, could have the benefit of His gospel. With all of the priesthood ordincances and life saving covenants that He taught when He walked this earth.

God lives. He loves me and each of us. I know that our prayers are heard. Each one. Always. He answers. He answers in the way that is best for us, but He always answers.I testify of His goodness, His mercy and His love. I have been a recipient of all the good that He has given us. I am grateful each and every day for His atonement and gospel. And to be able to share it, has brought immense joy to my life.

As we drove home, I was exhausted and happy. I felt like my feet didn't touch the ground. I knew the Savior had used me as a small part of His plan and that felt amazing.