Tuesday, July 5, 2016

My history part one

I came into the world ready to party. My moms birthday was the day before and there was a party for her. Always one to never want to be left out and the chance for a family get together and even though I wasn't due for several more weeks, I couldn't be left out of the festivities. 

soon after my parents went to bed, the contractions started and got closer and closer together. 
My dad and mom timed contractions and decided to take her in. When they arrived at the hospital, my moms doctor told my dad it would be several more hours and my dad might as well go home and get some sleep. He left and returned home. When he got back, the doctor had called telling him to get back to the hospital. He drove crazy fast and had to cross a lift bridge. The bridge got stuck Nd all the cars had to back down the bridge. It took hours. 
When he finally made it back to the hospital, I had arrived. They wanted to amd me Stephanie or Melissa. When he held me, he decided my name was "Jerlyn" named after him, Gerald and his beloved sister, Carolyn. 

My first months of life were spent with my grandpRents, Daddy Bud and Gammr Simonton. Although my parents hD been told I was a boy the entire time, he insisted I was a girl. I spent hours on his big tummy sleeping which scared my mom.  He died only a few months after my birth stating his mission in life was complete knowing we now had a connection. 

I spent the first two years of my life at BYU with my parents finishing school. There I met my first life,one friend, Darce Jones, as we had the same babysitter. I still love and adore Darce. 

I would cry hard when I had to get in my snow clothes. I hated cold then and now. 

I could often be heard saying bees bite as I hated the cold. 

Soon as my dad graduated from BYU, following my moms graduation, my dad accepted a job in Florida and we moved to live by his parents. My love of all things Disney started when we moved into Peter Pan Place. I mean what kid could grow up living on a street named after Peter Pan that could actually grow up?! I think part of me still is connected to that. I so enjoy fun and laughter, games and joy and believe life is better mixed with a healthy dose of childlike faith and an overwhelming joy for life. 

I spent the first years there surrounded by my dads family and held in love. While my mom taught school, my two aunts watched me. They loved me as I was their first niece and the only granddaughter after a Long line of boys. My love of little children began here at only a year old when I uttered my first sentence, "rock by baby". I wanted to be a mom as long as I can rememeber. I spent hours holding and rocking my baby dolls, singing to them and wrapping them in blankets. My love of children and babies was deep innate in me. As much as I breathe and am, I love babies and children. 

Josh was born while we lived in Florida. Oh boy, I dressed him up, invited him to tea parties and played clowns with him and tinker toys and spent years hanging with him. 

One of my favorite memories with josh is he was bugging or annoying me and my friends. So I let the bunnies out of their cage and locked josh in. Finally.  Freedom with friends. 

My moms dad had a heart attack so my parents moved to arizona to help them out. Whenever moved back. 

At five years old, the play My Turn on Earth came out. I listened to that tape over and over. Then Saturday's warriors. And those were my favorites. I memorized them and from them learned about the plan of salvation, our purpose here and what we are supposed to do. Anxious to share my newly found knowledge, I sat down with the tapes and began teaching each of my friends. My friends parents were so concerned with the vast knowledge their children had come home with that they enrolled their children in catholic school scared I had so much know,edge about religion and their children's knowledge was now coming from me. I don't remember all I taught, but I do remember at the tender young age knowing I was a daughter of God, God knew me and that I lived before I came here, I had work to do here and that there was life after death. My teaching of these truths continued with more neighbors and people I came in contact with at schools, home or out and about. 

School was scary for me. It was loud and overwhelming. Although I made fantastic grades, I begged my mom to home school me. 

Jake came along when I was almost six. I broke my moms heart because Jake wanted to take bottles from me and eventually called me "ma-am" before he called my mom that. It broke her heart. One day she watched to see why Jake would take the bottles I gave him and chuck the ones she gave him. As she watched me make his next bottle she laughed as I added chocolate syrup to his bottles. No wonder he liked mine better. Oh and keeping him from crying, I dipped his pacifier in honey. And the calling me momma. Well, I taught him that cookies were "mama". So he saw me and said mama, I'd sneak him a cookie. I just knew I wanted to be his mom. I would sneak in and get Jake out of his crib and put him in bed with me. To help my mom get sleep.  Or I wanted him. My parents had to have jake and then Jd and Jodi sleep in drawers as they were terrified I would drop them. But I loved them. 

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Darce and funerals

Renee Jones passed away from cancer at 70. I'm still in awe that for 29 years she was such a fabulous friend to my mother. After she died she continued to watch afte the five of us and care and attend our children's and our events. I'm sure th reunion in heaven was glorious. 

Darce has been such a dear friend all my life. Friends since we were babies. We go long stretches without talking but always pick right up. Talking. Laughing. Trusting one another. She is a true gift and blessing in my life. 

Renee's funeral was hard as I had just been told I didn't have much longer to walk here. As I listened, I thought of Thomas and Hayden and jodi and others and how hard my funeral would be on them. I cried. 

As I sang the song I know that my Redeemer lives, it was on a different level. It was as if he stood at my feet and I sang to him. My heart swelled with all I knew  all the joy I felt. My heartache. My fear. My peace. It all testified of our Redeemer and Savior.  My heart broke. Yet I knew my Savior loved me. 

I love each of renee's children. They all hold. Special place in my heart. They are more than friends. But family. Loved ones. Cherished. 

The pain each child felt was excruciating yet they were calmed. I grateful for peace that filled the room. I'm grateful for the calm. The reassurance of life after death. The reassurance of the love our Savior has for each of us. 

I'm grateful I sat between my dear husband that I love and adore and my sister that comforts me and loves me. These two have walked me through this journey with Hayden. They have been rocks. I'm grateful for all those that have loved me and help walk me home. 

I was grateful for her life. For Renee's love. For her meekness. For her willingness to serve God. She has been a strength to me. And I am grateful. 

When life is over we remember important truths. What is I,portent. And what is not. People matter. Memories matter. Life is about learning who we are, remembering who we were in the pre-existence, trusting and following the Savior and loving. Loving and serving and growing a greater testimony of God and our Savior. Little else matters. 

I felt my own life and mortality that day. My own walk with God. My goodbyes. My lingering adventures. My life. Those I love. My joys. My overcoming trials. My turning to Christ and God. My walks with them. My walks with my family.  My friends. Those I loved and served. Those that matter to me. 

My Savior whispered "well done, Jerlyn. Well done." 

Those words were ones I longed to hear my entire life. I would have done anything to hear those words. I desire to follow ,y Savior every day. To do his will. To trust him. To,love him. To be faithful always. 

There were rocky roads and times I fell down. Hard climbs that caused me to lose my footings and. I fell. But always, I tried. I desired to do good even when life didn't go as planned. I wanted to Serve and love and reflect my Savior's love. I tried to be like him. I tried my best. I'm grateful for the hard climbs because they brought me to my Savior. I had to use his strength to climb. Trust him in the journey. 

My joy is to see those I love walk in truth and righteousness. Thomas and Hayden are so good. They are men of God. They uphold and honor and cherish their priesthood power ordained from God. They love with their whole hearts. They serve. They bring joy. They love complete,y. 

My sister is my joy for so long. From the moment she was born a dream come true. My hopes and dreams come true. My dear friend. My sister. My heart. My connection. My family. My best friend. My joy. 

My husband my all. My everything. My happy. My joy. My peace. My strength. My rock. My way. My eternity. My forever. My connection from here to the end of eternal time. My all. My love. My love in life and death. My eternity. My husband. My all. 

My son is my,joy. My peace. My hope. My happy. My sweet. My Dream of being a mom come true. He is my,happy. My joy.  My smile. My soft spot when life is upside down.  Me.  My mom me. My heart on the outside of my body. My all. 

Them with me describes my life. My little baby grown up. My smile. My dreams come true. My husband is my example of my Savior. He walks with me and never puts me down. He loves me. My son loves me. My sister. My brothers. My parents. My friends. My loves. My life. 

I wondered as I sat at renews funeral who would come say goodbye to me. Who cares. Who loves me. I thought of countless people. Saw countless faces on the crowd. My heart. Who will remember me? Who loves me? Who did I help make a difference in their lives? Who did I lift? Who did I help? Who did I show example of my Savior? Who did I ease their suffering? Make smile? Bring joy? Ease heartache? Was I a good friend? Did I love my family enough ? Did those I love know how deeply and completely I loved them? 

I did love them all. My husband.  My son. ,y sister. My brothers. My dad. My mom. My Savior. My,loved ones. My friends. All those I loved. 

I hope each one knows of my love and care for them. How much I love them. How grateful I am that they loved me. That they chose to share their life with me. Their glorious moments and their Low moments. That they chose me to walk beside them. I pray I eased burdens. That I was enough. That I gave enough. That I loved deeply enough. 

I love those I walked with. I love my Savior mi tried in all ways and every day to portray his love. Because his love matters so much more than me. His life. His all. I'm grateful I know my,Savior. I grateful for his tutoring and guid ace. He is my everything. I hope my,life showed that. 

To all reading This. Thank you for blessing my,life. For loving me. For believing in me And trusting me to be your friend and walk the path with you. It means more to me than words can say. 

Thursday, June 23, 2016


I've been thinking a lot about "Home" lately. 

Where is home? 

Is home the address where we reside? Is home where our family is? Is home the place that makes us feel warm and comfortable after a long time away? Is home the place we lay our heads or is it the place that when we go to after a long time away that we feel most comfortable? Is home more a person than a place? What truly is home? 

As I have contemplated, I think home is many things. 

Home is the place our hearts rest. Home is the place where we feel safe and secure. Home is the place we journey to when things get confusing and rough. Home is the place your heart feels at peace. Home is people. It is your dearest loved ones. Home is comfort. Most of all, home is love. 

I always associated home as one physical place. No longer. Home is the place where your heart is safe and at rest. 

Many of us talk of going home when in reference to our childhood home or parents home. 

To me, one of the places I feel most at home is in Oceanside California. As I drive up each year, my heart feels complete and whole. It feel complete. I feel relaxed. My heart smiles and is happy. 

I love coming to my own on "home" disguised as our house. There is so much love. There is safety. There is peace. There is comfort. 

I thought deeper. To me. Hayden is home. He is comfort. He is mine. He is comfort and love. He is smiles and laughter. He is hope. He is joy. 

Thomas is my truest home. I don't care where in the world we are. When Thomas walks in the door, my,heart relaxes, it leaps with joy, I Experience so much love, I'm relaxed, I'm hopeful, I'm at peace and I'm comforted. I feel surrounded in love. 

But what if all these places are "home" because we are searching for our true home. The place our heart and spirit and entire being recognize as home. Where is this? Is there a place we long to be greater than our desire to be home here with those we love? 

Earth is not home to any of us. It is our temporary residence. Our college apartment. Our vacation home. So yes, our hearts feel peace. But that is why we struggle and want more and are not content here. We desire more. 

Where is this place that is our true home? 

Our spirits yearn to still be with our Heavenly Father and our beloved Savior. They long for the companionship of those that have passed on before us. 

At 3am, I stood outside looking at the heavens. I looked up and asked my loving Father in Heaven where is home? 

Am I here? Is it with those I love? Does my heart really belong at the beach? Is it my loved ones? Is it my son? My beloved husband!

A feeling so sweet came over me. They are all temporary Homes. I long for you to come home for good. 

Home is all these things because when you come home for good, to your eternal home, it is to remind us that home, our true home, is compromised of all those things we love. 

I long to go home. 

Where? I'm not sure! I am struggling with that. My heart is being pulled home. Yet, where is it?amd most of all, I don't want to go anywhere without Thomas and Hayden. I long to be with them. I love them so much.

Yet, I believe the feeling is a, having long for a relationship even deeper. More loving. Mor permanent. More eternal. 

Am I feeling discontent of earth life and longing for degree of peace not avail ale here on earth. My Savior is ,y home. My loving Heavenly Father is my home. Yet so are my loved ones. 

My heart wants to go home. 

But my heart wants Thomas at my side where I go. 

Hence my dilemma. Where is home? And why am I longing to go there?  

Yet, I don't want to be anywhere without my beloved husband. My all my everything. My heart. My soul. My,happy. My peace. May Alll. 

Yet, I will find home and prepare a place for me and Thomas. A place that when he sees it will know his heart is home for good. 

Yet again, I looked up and asked where so home? Amd why is my heart longing to be there?

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Our precious family

Family is everything. It is the center of God's creation. Families are so vital to our salvation that God created eternal families. A way for families and those relationships to extend beyond the grave. That death does not end the relations or the bonds of marriages and families. 

The knowledge I have of the great plan of happiness or the plan of salvation is priceless. 

Death will never shatter these bonds. Not with me and Thomas not Thomas and I with Hayden. Our love. Our family. Our joy. Our sealing. Our worlds. Reach beyond this life into the eternities. That knowledge is priceless to me. Something I hold near and dear to my heart. Knowing these two are mine forever brings a peace that extends forever. The bonds eternal. 

I feel the sealing bonds and the relations that God United and sealed together so deeply. Those bonds or sealing power or covenant made between Thomas and I and God are sacred. They are so incredibly sacred. I am grateful for them. 

To my dear beloved husband: I love you. Now. Forever. Eternity will one day be our reward for enduring the trials of this world. Together, we learned to hold on to one another, cling to our Savior and keep his commandments. We have knelt in earnest prayer. We have united, fasted. We have called down the powers of heaven. We have experienced miracles. We have witnessed the Savior's hand in our lives each and every day. That recognition has been there each day, consistently for almost seven years. We have cried and wept and mourned together. And we have rejoiced and laughed and celebrated our great gifts together. We have absolutely taken this journey together. And there is no one I would have rather taken this journey of life with. You kept your promise to bring me joy and laughter every single day. You've brought joy in the midst of heartache. You've eased my physical and spiritual pain. You've walked me through all I've experienced. I'm so grateful for the ride. Being a parent with you made my dreams come true. We have experienced the highs and lows, ups and downs, triumph and heartache and absolute joy of being parents, together. 

You are my best friend, my eternal companion, my partner in crime, my biggest fan, my cheerful smile that tells me I can do it, the gentle and levine push, my rock, my strength, my all, my everything. Every day has been better because we have experienced it together. 

To name my favorite moments, simply impossible. How do you capture each moment, good and bad? How do we consider what moments created our deep and loving bond. 

I would do anything for you. Each day for the last five or six years, I have begged the Savior for more time. The pain. The physical pain I endure. Coping with one of the most physically challenging pain diseases ever, each day was so worth the joy we shared. Our love. Every day I have fought for you, for us. 

My prayers are more for you and Hayden then me. I've learned what it truly means to love someone more than yourself. As parents we sometimes achieve that. I definitely love our son with my all. He is our world. Our joy. Our hope. Our smiles. Our love. 

I ha r also come to deeply realize how much more your happiness and joy and eternal salvation matter than mine. Oh how I would endure all the pain in the world to spare you one ounce of pain. I would give my all for you. I'd lay down my life for you. And I would continue to live for you. You matter more than me. Completely. 

.im so grateful I was chosen to be your wife now and for all eternity. I'm grateful I was blessed to walk this road with you. That you and I together could become parents. That we together, endured and enjoyed and cherished each day of life. I've laughed with you more than anyone. I've smiled more with you. Cried more. Hoped more. Lived more. And definitely loved more. 

You are my heart. My soul. My joy. My love.  My all. My everything. I LOVE YOU BEYOND COMPARE! I am so grateful I will always be your precious wife. Your love and your companion for eternity. 

I love you, Thomas! Always. Forever. No matter what. 

My Savior my friend: I have a question

I love my Savior. I cherish my Savior.

I have been thinking  a lot about my reunion with him. What a blessing that will be when I see him again. What is the first thing I will say? What will I do? 

The scriptures say that when we meet the Lord, that every knee will bow and every tongue confess that He is the Christ. 

I have tried to spend every day the last year or two or five testifying of our Savior. My tongue has continually confessed of his love. I have bowed at my knees praying to Him and for Him. I have tried to confess on all things that my Savior lives and loves us. 

So if my knees have bowed and tongue has confessed that our Savior is the Christ, then what. 

As I picture myself seeing my Savior again, the picture is always the same. 

When I am privileged to meet my Savior, I can only imagine running into His loving arms. I picture me just giving him the biggest hug. And smiling Nd telling him how very much I love him and how much I adore him. With my arms stretched around his neck, I will hug him tight, confess my gratitude, appreciation and love. 

Then, I will bow and adore him and confess u love. My eternal love. 
I hope he is ok with that. I pray he understands. I will give my all to him. The reunion will be joyous. 

Maybe most kneel first. But my love for him, I know the hug will come first. I love my special relationship with him. And I think he will smile because he knows me. And he is my dearest friend. My best friend. My adoration. My gratitude. My all. 

I love my Savior. Our reunion will b glorious. 

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Trek the adventure

Many pictures from trek. Love the temple. 
Love the beauty. 
Love our bishop smith and our Ward pas. 
Our youth. Such great kids. 
Pushing. The handcart. Look at that water. 

The temple lit up was breathtaking and so spiritual according to Hayden.  

What an amazing experience. 

He's back

Oh how I missed my boy. I missed his smile. His heart. His joy. His laughter. His teasing. His caring. His kindness. His gentleness. His great smile. And his love. 

The joy I felt when he walked back into the house well exceeded that of the puppies joy. My boy was home. And oh how I felt so much love. Gratitude he was safe. Grateful he was home. And oh so happy. I loved hearing his excitement. His stories. Lessons learned. Faith gained. Self confidence increased. And all the joy he felt even when things were hard. 

His smile. Even with his stinking smelly boy that was walking ten miles each day, doing hard work without showers for five days and in the same clothes, I still needed-wanted a hug. And I hugged him. Laughed. Told him to shower. And we would love to catch up when he was clean and smelled a little better. 

Got you Hayden. I love you even after you are that stinky and smelly. I absolutely love you. (But rememeber to shower. Every single day.). I can see the eye roll now and the "mooommmm!" Good thing you don't read this. I love you. Always forever and no matter what.