Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Darce and funerals

Renee Jones passed away from cancer at 70. I'm still in awe that for 29 years she was such a fabulous friend to my mother. After she died she continued to watch afte the five of us and care and attend our children's and our events. I'm sure th reunion in heaven was glorious. 

Darce has been such a dear friend all my life. Friends since we were babies. We go long stretches without talking but always pick right up. Talking. Laughing. Trusting one another. She is a true gift and blessing in my life. 

Renee's funeral was hard as I had just been told I didn't have much longer to walk here. As I listened, I thought of Thomas and Hayden and jodi and others and how hard my funeral would be on them. I cried. 

As I sang the song I know that my Redeemer lives, it was on a different level. It was as if he stood at my feet and I sang to him. My heart swelled with all I knew  all the joy I felt. My heartache. My fear. My peace. It all testified of our Redeemer and Savior.  My heart broke. Yet I knew my Savior loved me. 

I love each of renee's children. They all hold. Special place in my heart. They are more than friends. But family. Loved ones. Cherished. 

The pain each child felt was excruciating yet they were calmed. I grateful for peace that filled the room. I'm grateful for the calm. The reassurance of life after death. The reassurance of the love our Savior has for each of us. 

I'm grateful I sat between my dear husband that I love and adore and my sister that comforts me and loves me. These two have walked me through this journey with Hayden. They have been rocks. I'm grateful for all those that have loved me and help walk me home. 

I was grateful for her life. For Renee's love. For her meekness. For her willingness to serve God. She has been a strength to me. And I am grateful. 

When life is over we remember important truths. What is I,portent. And what is not. People matter. Memories matter. Life is about learning who we are, remembering who we were in the pre-existence, trusting and following the Savior and loving. Loving and serving and growing a greater testimony of God and our Savior. Little else matters. 

I felt my own life and mortality that day. My own walk with God. My goodbyes. My lingering adventures. My life. Those I love. My joys. My overcoming trials. My turning to Christ and God. My walks with them. My walks with my family.  My friends. Those I loved and served. Those that matter to me. 

My Savior whispered "well done, Jerlyn. Well done." 

Those words were ones I longed to hear my entire life. I would have done anything to hear those words. I desire to follow ,y Savior every day. To do his will. To trust him. To,love him. To be faithful always. 

There were rocky roads and times I fell down. Hard climbs that caused me to lose my footings and. I fell. But always, I tried. I desired to do good even when life didn't go as planned. I wanted to Serve and love and reflect my Savior's love. I tried to be like him. I tried my best. I'm grateful for the hard climbs because they brought me to my Savior. I had to use his strength to climb. Trust him in the journey. 

My joy is to see those I love walk in truth and righteousness. Thomas and Hayden are so good. They are men of God. They uphold and honor and cherish their priesthood power ordained from God. They love with their whole hearts. They serve. They bring joy. They love complete,y. 

My sister is my joy for so long. From the moment she was born a dream come true. My hopes and dreams come true. My dear friend. My sister. My heart. My connection. My family. My best friend. My joy. 

My husband my all. My everything. My happy. My joy. My peace. My strength. My rock. My way. My eternity. My forever. My connection from here to the end of eternal time. My all. My love. My love in life and death. My eternity. My husband. My all. 

My son is my,joy. My peace. My hope. My happy. My sweet. My Dream of being a mom come true. He is my,happy. My joy.  My smile. My soft spot when life is upside down.  Me.  My mom me. My heart on the outside of my body. My all. 

Them with me describes my life. My little baby grown up. My smile. My dreams come true. My husband is my example of my Savior. He walks with me and never puts me down. He loves me. My son loves me. My sister. My brothers. My parents. My friends. My loves. My life. 

I wondered as I sat at renews funeral who would come say goodbye to me. Who cares. Who loves me. I thought of countless people. Saw countless faces on the crowd. My heart. Who will remember me? Who loves me? Who did I help make a difference in their lives? Who did I lift? Who did I help? Who did I show example of my Savior? Who did I ease their suffering? Make smile? Bring joy? Ease heartache? Was I a good friend? Did I love my family enough ? Did those I love know how deeply and completely I loved them? 

I did love them all. My husband.  My son. ,y sister. My brothers. My dad. My mom. My Savior. My,loved ones. My friends. All those I loved. 

I hope each one knows of my love and care for them. How much I love them. How grateful I am that they loved me. That they chose to share their life with me. Their glorious moments and their Low moments. That they chose me to walk beside them. I pray I eased burdens. That I was enough. That I gave enough. That I loved deeply enough. 

I love those I walked with. I love my Savior mi tried in all ways and every day to portray his love. Because his love matters so much more than me. His life. His all. I'm grateful I know my,Savior. I grateful for his tutoring and guid ace. He is my everything. I hope my,life showed that. 

To all reading This. Thank you for blessing my,life. For loving me. For believing in me And trusting me to be your friend and walk the path with you. It means more to me than words can say. 

Thursday, June 23, 2016


I've been thinking a lot about "Home" lately. 

Where is home? 

Is home the address where we reside? Is home where our family is? Is home the place that makes us feel warm and comfortable after a long time away? Is home the place we lay our heads or is it the place that when we go to after a long time away that we feel most comfortable? Is home more a person than a place? What truly is home? 

As I have contemplated, I think home is many things. 

Home is the place our hearts rest. Home is the place where we feel safe and secure. Home is the place we journey to when things get confusing and rough. Home is the place your heart feels at peace. Home is people. It is your dearest loved ones. Home is comfort. Most of all, home is love. 

I always associated home as one physical place. No longer. Home is the place where your heart is safe and at rest. 

Many of us talk of going home when in reference to our childhood home or parents home. 

To me, one of the places I feel most at home is in Oceanside California. As I drive up each year, my heart feels complete and whole. It feel complete. I feel relaxed. My heart smiles and is happy. 

I love coming to my own on "home" disguised as our house. There is so much love. There is safety. There is peace. There is comfort. 

I thought deeper. To me. Hayden is home. He is comfort. He is mine. He is comfort and love. He is smiles and laughter. He is hope. He is joy. 

Thomas is my truest home. I don't care where in the world we are. When Thomas walks in the door, my,heart relaxes, it leaps with joy, I Experience so much love, I'm relaxed, I'm hopeful, I'm at peace and I'm comforted. I feel surrounded in love. 

But what if all these places are "home" because we are searching for our true home. The place our heart and spirit and entire being recognize as home. Where is this? Is there a place we long to be greater than our desire to be home here with those we love? 

Earth is not home to any of us. It is our temporary residence. Our college apartment. Our vacation home. So yes, our hearts feel peace. But that is why we struggle and want more and are not content here. We desire more. 

Where is this place that is our true home? 

Our spirits yearn to still be with our Heavenly Father and our beloved Savior. They long for the companionship of those that have passed on before us. 

At 3am, I stood outside looking at the heavens. I looked up and asked my loving Father in Heaven where is home? 

Am I here? Is it with those I love? Does my heart really belong at the beach? Is it my loved ones? Is it my son? My beloved husband!

A feeling so sweet came over me. They are all temporary Homes. I long for you to come home for good. 

Home is all these things because when you come home for good, to your eternal home, it is to remind us that home, our true home, is compromised of all those things we love. 

I long to go home. 

Where? I'm not sure! I am struggling with that. My heart is being pulled home. Yet, where is it?amd most of all, I don't want to go anywhere without Thomas and Hayden. I long to be with them. I love them so much.

Yet, I believe the feeling is a, having long for a relationship even deeper. More loving. Mor permanent. More eternal. 

Am I feeling discontent of earth life and longing for degree of peace not avail ale here on earth. My Savior is ,y home. My loving Heavenly Father is my home. Yet so are my loved ones. 

My heart wants to go home. 

But my heart wants Thomas at my side where I go. 

Hence my dilemma. Where is home? And why am I longing to go there?  

Yet, I don't want to be anywhere without my beloved husband. My all my everything. My heart. My soul. My,happy. My peace. May Alll. 

Yet, I will find home and prepare a place for me and Thomas. A place that when he sees it will know his heart is home for good. 

Yet again, I looked up and asked where so home? Amd why is my heart longing to be there?

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

My Savior my friend: I have a question

I love my Savior. I cherish my Savior.

I have been thinking  a lot about my reunion with him. What a blessing that will be when I see him again. What is the first thing I will say? What will I do? 

The scriptures say that when we meet the Lord, that every knee will bow and every tongue confess that He is the Christ. 

I have tried to spend every day the last year or two or five testifying of our Savior. My tongue has continually confessed of his love. I have bowed at my knees praying to Him and for Him. I have tried to confess on all things that my Savior lives and loves us. 

So if my knees have bowed and tongue has confessed that our Savior is the Christ, then what. 

As I picture myself seeing my Savior again, the picture is always the same. 

When I am privileged to meet my Savior, I can only imagine running into His loving arms. I picture me just giving him the biggest hug. And smiling Nd telling him how very much I love him and how much I adore him. With my arms stretched around his neck, I will hug him tight, confess my gratitude, appreciation and love. 

Then, I will bow and adore him and confess u love. My eternal love. 
I hope he is ok with that. I pray he understands. I will give my all to him. The reunion will be joyous. 

Maybe most kneel first. But my love for him, I know the hug will come first. I love my special relationship with him. And I think he will smile because he knows me. And he is my dearest friend. My best friend. My adoration. My gratitude. My all. 

I love my Savior. Our reunion will b glorious. 

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Trek the adventure

Many pictures from trek. Love the temple. 
Love the beauty. 
Love our bishop smith and our Ward pas. 
Our youth. Such great kids. 
Pushing. The handcart. Look at that water. 

The temple lit up was breathtaking and so spiritual according to Hayden.  

What an amazing experience. 

He's back

Oh how I missed my boy. I missed his smile. His heart. His joy. His laughter. His teasing. His caring. His kindness. His gentleness. His great smile. And his love. 

The joy I felt when he walked back into the house well exceeded that of the puppies joy. My boy was home. And oh how I felt so much love. Gratitude he was safe. Grateful he was home. And oh so happy. I loved hearing his excitement. His stories. Lessons learned. Faith gained. Self confidence increased. And all the joy he felt even when things were hard. 

His smile. Even with his stinking smelly boy that was walking ten miles each day, doing hard work without showers for five days and in the same clothes, I still needed-wanted a hug. And I hugged him. Laughed. Told him to shower. And we would love to catch up when he was clean and smelled a little better. 

Got you Hayden. I love you even after you are that stinky and smelly. I absolutely love you. (But rememeber to shower. Every single day.). I can see the eye roll now and the "mooommmm!" Good thing you don't read this. I love you. Always forever and no matter what. 

Monday, June 13, 2016

National donut day

It was National donut day while I was at Jodi's. Of course we had to get a donut. I love all the cute donut shops by Jodi's. 

Before hitting the donut shop, we hit Barros pizza for pizza slices and diet cokes and then hit the Asian market. 

I wanted to prepare a yummy Korean meal that I knew jodi and Troy and their kids would love. Our family favorite. 
Bulgogi (steak cut in strips) marinated In a Korean BBQ sauce. Onions. Garlic. Grilled. Then you take lettuce. Rice. Garlic. And steak strips and eat lettuce wraps. We had seaweed. Kimchi. Jodi made chow mien. And yummy fried apples. They loved it. I loved it. Thomas loved it. 

Then we hit the delicious donuts. I love these kids. I love how much Talmage loves donuts. Talmage always begs Thomas for donuts when he is over. He loves them. So they were in heaven. So fun.  

We had so much fun. I missed my boy. But loved time with my sister and her sweet family. I'm ready for another visit. I sure love and adore them. 

Time at Jodi's

While Hayden was at Trek, I spent time at my sister's house with her and her darling children. 

One night brooklyn had softball practice and me and the boys played ball and watched funny YouTube videos and laughed. I love these boys. My bonuses. Brigham and his endearing hugs and tenderness. Talmage and his joy and funny and sweet personality. Oh how I adore them. I loved the time with them. 
Thomas came at night and we swam and watched movies in the pool and soaked in the jacuzzi. 
Talmage did a great job taking my picture. So impressive. Oh how I love my sister and her precious family. 
My sweet niece Brooklyn and her amazing mom. I love and adore them both!!!!
Brigham playing sharks and minnows with Thomas and brooklyn and Talmage. 
We watched Now you see me in the pool. Oh how I lovd that!!!!
My sister and her precious family. My love for them. Simply priceless. 
My husband. The man of my dreams. My heart. My world. I love him. 
While I was at Jodi's we also prepared for jodi to go to girls camp and wrote a camp song and planned decor. We wrote the song "It's all about the hands" as Jodi was assigned music and good works. I loved helping her. And brooklyn prepare her devotional.  Of course the flour game was my suggestion with building a testimony on firm found nation instead of flour or sand. The girls loved it. I loved being apart of it. 

I loved time with Jodi and her sweet family. I loved that my husband was concerned enough that he came to see me each night. Jodi said when he walked in that my shield and strength depleted. It was. Physical difference as I allowed him to be my strength. I'm so grateful for those that hold me up. Especially my dear love.