Monday, May 23, 2016

Carry me

I cannot tell how many days that I cry out and beg for my Savior to carry me.

There is a point in my house that I often tell the Savior I can walk to. It is off the couch and before getting to the hall way. I pray as I get ready to stand. I tell my Savior that if I use every ounce of energy I have, that when I hit the corner of that piece of furniture, I will be done. I will literally collapse due to exhaustion and the illnesses that plague my body.

Time after time, one of two things occur. The first, I am given the strength to make it to my bedroom or the second option is he literally picks me up and carries me to my bed. Either way, I know his help is the only way I have made it.

Our Savior is willing to carry us in so many ways. He can offer physical help, as he does me, almost every day. He also offers me mental and emotional strength when I tell him the road has been too long, too windy and too rocky. On this journey he does one of tow things, again he strengthens me and lets me borrow his strength or he steadies me and helps me through it.

We are to rely on him in all things. Whether they be spiritual struggles, physical disabilities, emotional challenges or mental grief, the Savior is always there. There is no problem too big or too small that he is unwilling to help us bear.

I have had to rely on my Savior for physical help almost every day since this illness began. I face so many health challenges that I cannot endure or face alone. He helps me endure, gives me relief, or picks me up and carries me until I can stand again. He carries me so often. He lifts me out of my own head and allows me to see how he feels about me. Other days he carries me and allows me to see His hand in all aspects of my life.

Without him, there is no way I could endure these trials. Because of him and his willingness to help me, I am able to endure so much more than I would be able to on my own.

My Savior is my dearest friend, my closest support, my joy, my help, my happiness and my love. He Is my reason I am able to continue to walk this treacherous and rocky road. He carries me when it is too rocky and too hard.; He is my friend and loves me without end.

Because of him, I am able to stay here with those I love and adore. I love my Savior. I know he is the one who carries me when I can no longer stand.

And I know that he loves all his children like he does me. He is willing to carry all of us, or any of us. He knows each of us individually, our trials, our heartaches, our breaking points and when we just need to be cuddled in his arms in order to endure the harsh challenges and trials that we all face.

Quotes of hope

Love these so very much!!!!
We all have storms! We all have trials! We all have hard times.

We never ever know what someone else is required to walk or endure. So, our job is to be kind, Christlike and love unconditionally. No matter what!

I honestly believe if we could see each other's trials, we would be so much kinder to one another.

I believe that life would be better for all of us. We would realize that all have trials. Very hard things to endure and go through.

I also believe that if we all put our trials into a pile and we saw the truly heavy burdens that every one would carry, that we would chose our own back. Why? Not that our own are easy, but tailor made and challenged to do us the most good. It is what we are comfortable with. It is what we can handle.

Trials will be and are hard. they will take all we have. They will push us to our limits.

I was once told that God gives us nothing we cannot handle. Oh how I disagree. I believe that he gives us more that we can handle every single day. He simply knows that with him, all is doable. Our trials require us to utilize and call on our dear Savior's help. it requires us to be more like Him. It requires us to trust and cling to our Savior. And in doing so, our trials become difficult yet possible. I love this concept.

I promise that my trials are more difficult than I can handle. They are bigger and harder than me. The reason I succeed as well as I do is because of Him. He lifts me and carries me, he strengthens me and teaches me. He gives me aid when I need it. I am His and I matter to Him. So he helps me on my journey and carries me when I call for him. I am so grateful for the love of my Savior.

This is along the same lines. Most the time the Savior does not calm the stormy waters but calms my stormy life and soul. He calms me inside, not outside.I am most grateful when he whispers calm reassurances to my heart. HE calms my soul and allows me to continue down the path created for me. Because he loves me, he calms me, not the storm.

What a beautiful analogy and one I replay often. I am loved. I am cherished. I matter to my Savior. Because he loves me, he will calm me yet let me encounter the rocky and hard waves and trials of life. Because in conquering those storms, I become more Christlike and closer to him. And truly, that is what matters most, both to me and my loving Savior.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Happy place

I am missing my happy place. It is definitely time to go to the beach. I miss it like crazy. There is something about the waves, Those rhythmic waves. The sounds of the ocean rolling in and heading back to sea. The smell of salt water. The feel of sand on your toes. The joy that comes from seeing the familiarity of childhood. The peace that overcomes me as I feel the coolness of the water. The overwhelming feeling of my smallness when I look at the vast ocean. The love I feel for my Savior that he created such a beautiful earth. The reminder that I am known just like every sand on the beach.

All these things plus joy and laughter and family and fun and hope and more fills my heart with love and peace.   I believe heaven will be filled with oceanside views. Well, a girl can dream, can't she? Regardless, I know my heart feels the most home, the freest, the happiest and the most alive. My happiest place on this earth is the peac

I am counting days until I get to go back to this little slice of heaven.. the place I feel so close to my siblings, so close to my Savior.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Visiting Jodi and cute kids

I love getting to spend time with my sister and her sweet family. They are such precious joys in my life. They love me and I simply adore them. I always consider Jodi's kids my bonus kids. Simply heaven sent in my world. Joys beyond words.

Talmage and I spent the morning playing Zingo and building legos.

The cutest thing was him running up to me with two movie tickets and explaining how he got them. He was so excited to go to the movies with me. He said he saved the tickets for us. Man, he melts my heart. What a sweetie. (Bummer that we couldn't go.) Someday buddy, I promise we will go.

Brooklyn and Hayden are best buddies. They so enjoy one another. Doesn't matter what they are doing. Oh how I cherish their friendship. Of course, video games and Minecraft are on the top of their fun list.
I love that this little guy had to sleep by me. Even if it was on the floor near my bed.
And I am so proud of my sweet niece. She is simply so talented and hard working. She can do anything she sets her mind to. She is one amazing softball player. The next Jenny Finch.
Then there is my sweet Brigham boy! I love his tenderness. He loves my puppies like I do. He will be a vet or an engineer or an inventor. I love how his little mind works. How he thinks. and I love those tender and sweet hugs of his. He brings me such joy.

And of course, I love my sweet sister. She has been a saint. A joy. A help. A supporter. A friend. A shoulder to cry on. A comfort food maker. Supported me with cupcakes. And most of all just listened to me and told me I can do it. That is the most priceless of all. Knowing someone loves you and believes in you is the greatest of gifts. 

Crazy dogs

Seriously- All three puppies must sleep on my while I sleep. And Suzi's little Olivia must constantly give me kisses. I love them and am grateful for all the love they give me. I cannot imagine my life without these sweet little heavenly creatures. They are simply heaven sent and I am grateful for the laughter, joy and love that they bring into our home.

Thursday, May 19, 2016


This sweet nephew of mine seriously holds part of my heart in his. Oh how I love and adore him.

When I went to his house last time, he ran over with the scriptures. He said, "Tell me all the stories in here." So we talked of the different prophets. I explained who was named after whom. We talked of Joshua and the battle of Jericho. We made sounds of trumpets and brought down the walls. We talked of why Grandpa Scott and Grandma Sue would have wanted to name Uncle Josh after such an amazing prophet of God. We then talked of Uncle Jake's prophet, Jacob, in the Book of Mormon. We talked of how followed his righteous older brothers and his father and faithfully followed the Savior and became a great righteous man. We talked of the great prophet David and how he, smaller than the rest, kind of like Talmage, slayed the giant named Goliath. We talked of his righteousness and firm belief that the Savior would provide a way. We talked of how Uncle JD ( Jay David) was like this great prophet. Then he asked me who me and his mom were named after. Technically, I do not think I was, although for teaching purposes I claimed Aunt Jer was named after the great prophet Jeremiah. And of course his mom was named after the amazing and beloved prophet, Joseph Smith. We talked of his faithfulness and dedication to the Savior's work. I taught him how his mom was like him.

I later asked why he wanted me to teach him, He said, "Because I do not know anyone that loves the scriptures as much as you do." I told him how much I love the scriptures. How the Book of Mormon, the Holy Bible, the Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price testify of our Savior, Jesus Christ. How I love my Savior and my testimony of the truthfulness contained in these books. It was a precious time for me. I love nothing more than teaching about our Savior. d the fact that my little buddy is willing to listen is simply priceless.

I love you, Talmage. Always remember that I know these books are holy scripture written by prophets of God. They testify of the divinity of Jesus Christ. They testify that he is our Savior. And our Redeemer. The holy scriptures contain important truths that teach us the way back home to our Savior. They teach about the plan of salvation. They teach of righteousness and peace and that our Savior dearly loves each of us. I do love the scriptures. And I absolutely with all my heart love my Savior. He lives. He loves us. He is there to comfort us. He listens when we pray. HE walks with us. Always follow him and you will be okay. I lvoe you my little buddy always and forever.

Talmage my buddy

This little buddy of mine continues to grow up even though he promised to stay my little buddy forever. He is so sweet. So tender. So sincere. And he loves me so much. I have said so often that Talmage was one of the few who benefited from my illness. I always cuddle with him, have time for movies, give tons of snuggles and can play games and just listen to all his stories. Me being sick is a blessing for him unlike most others.

Because of that, he brings me great joy. He helps me to remember that our Savior can use all of us, no matter our circumstances. That even though my life is spent in bed or on the couch that I still have value. When Talmage comes up and wants me, I feel alive again. I feel like I matter. Hayden and Talmage are the two that remind me that me, just the way I am, illness and all, is simply enough. I am so grateful for them and their gentle reminders to me. Their love keeps me going. Keeps me fighting.

I am so cherishing this time. I know I will blink and I will no longer matter to him. I will simply be another adult and an another aunt. I will be the aunt that cannot do but just sits. I hope that day is long in the future  but with each visit, I see it drawing closer.

So, I will soak in each and every moment that I can with my little buddy. I will cherish that he still wants me and loves me and allows me to cuddle with him. He holds a special place in my heart.

I know he is Jodi's son. but I thoroughly believe that the Savior knew how much I would need him and how much he would lift my spirits. I am hoping and praying that I have one more summer that he will still want me around. That he will still want to come to my house and have movie time with cuddles and one more summer where I am enough, just the way I am.