Be at peace

I don't blog often about my priesthood blessings and what they say  I hold them near and dear to my heart and know they are council and guidance just for me. 

I couldn't sleep last night. I struggled terribly with one panic attack after the next. I struggled to just breathe. I head to the dentist in a couple of hours and I am mortified of my teeth. They crack. They break. There is nothing I can do. I've tried everything. Teeth are a direct mirror of your health. My teeth show every seizure, every pain, every illness, every flaw and every ounce of this trial I have been through. They are my battle wounds on the outside. Because of it, they are awful. I baby my teeth I do all I can to protect them and keep them well. However, nothing I do is enough. The effects of almost four years of illness is taking a toll. 

Each day as I vomit, I destroy them more. Each medication weakens them. Each round of treatment turns them to jelly. Each seizure causes fractures and worsening ailments. Add to that spreading tumors and jaw infections and biofilms and well.... They are awful. And I am so embarrassed. 

Today, my sweet husband awoke to me rocking in bed. Trying to just breathe and survive. The torment was intense. He laid his gentle hands on my head and pronounced a beautiful blessing. 

My loving Father in Heaven told me to hold my head high. I am valued. I am loved. That the God of Heaven and earth loves me. He is proud of me. He is proud of who I am, who I have become and how well I have continued to fight this fight. He alone knows the walk that I have walked and the burdens I have endured and carried. He alone knows of my love for Him and my continued to desire to follow His will at all costs and in all ways. He carries my burdens with me so He knows the weight thereof. I am His. 

He promised me the fiery darts of the adversary would not be able to penetrate my heart. That I would be protected from them. That my loving Father would place a shield that could not be penetrated. I would find peace and hope. And given the strength to walk with my head high. Because regardless of what the world believes, I am cherished by God and my Savior. Cherished. Loved. Held in high esteem. My God, my Father, my Comforter and my Strength is proud of who I am become and how I have continued to walk this fight. 

I am cherished. Me. Jerlyn. 

I am loved by God. Me. Jerlyn. 

I am known by God. Me. Jerlyn. 

My Father, my God is proud of me. Jerlyn. 

Those words. I didn't think they have ver penetrated so deeply into my heart. As those precious words were spoken I didn't just hear them. I felt them. My loving Father in Heaven touched my heart and let me feel the true and holy love of God. He let me know I am valued and numbered and watched over and cherished. 

I don't say this to boast but in the upmost humility. I am in awe. I also realize that I am not unique. If our Father in Heaven spoke to each of us, He would say those same things...each are numbered, each known by God, each cherished, each valued and very very loved. 

Today those truths of I am a child of God and a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me, didn't just speak to my mind but those precious words and feelings and love were implanted in my heart. 

I have been wrapped in the loving arms of my Father in Heaven. Today He sent legions of angels to buoy me up and to let me feel His love. He sent angels to surround me with hope and peace and love. He sent His spirit to fill every corner of my heart. 

I am grateful for His goodness. For His willingness to comfort my aching soul. To let me know that I am enough. I matter. I am loved by my God on high. I may not accomplish all I want to or do all the things I need. But I am enough. And just how I am today is enough for my God to love me. 

And if I am enough, we all are enough. He loves us perfectly. Even when we aren't perfect. He cherishes us. He loves us. He walks the path with us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. He stands with us. He listens to each prayer and holds us close to His heart. And He stands with us in each fight and each time we strive to accomplish His will. He cheers is on. He picks up the heavy burden and lightens the load. He shows us the way and points us to Him. He is our biggest cheerleader and fan. 

I have walked this journey with God and my Savior. I have been comforted by the Holy Ghost. I have been surrounded in the peace of  his heavenly angels. I bear witness that He lives.  I testify that He walks with us. I know that as we strive to live our lives in harmony with their teachings, we can have their protection and comfort and love. We are known by name by the upmost on high. That knowledge and understanding surrounds my heart with comfort. 

Oh how I needed those sweet sentences from my loving Father in Heaven today. I am known. I am cherished. I am His and I am loved. 

As I walk into the dentist today, I will not be embarrassed of my war wounds. I will hold my,head high because I am a daughter of. God. And if I am enough for Him then certainly I am enough for myself and those around me.