Saturday night, I could barely walk to the car. I was exhausted. I was miserable. My body was so over exhausted and over extended that I couldn't sleep. My body was jerking. I experienced unbelievable pain. By Sunday morning, I was in trouble. Serious trouble.
My head felt as if someone took a clamp and screwed it down on my brain. The pressure was excrutiating. Worst headache ever, comparable to the stroke headache only more pressure. Vision left. My neck was extremely stiff and painful. My eye and smile drooped as it usually does with seizures. I lost my ability to use the restroom. The pain, almost unbearable. But the scariest symptoms, was the hallucinations and confusion. As the day went on, the progressed more and more.
By Tuesday, I was concerned my vision and my ability to read would not return. I was wishing I would have gone to the hospital to have them see what actually took place and maybe they could have helped in some small way.
As the days went on, all symptoms continued and other ones grew exceedingly more irritating. I lost the ability to go to the bathroom. I went into a full body deep itch, as if my blood were itching. Then, the hiccups began. Days and days of uncontrollable hiccups. Not for merely an hour but all day and night for almost a week. The pain continued to intensify. Weird metallic tastes invaded everything I ate. My walking deteriorated. My hallucinations continued. Paranoia set in. And anxiety made me fearful to leave my bed. These symptoms were new. Things I had not experienced before or to a greater intensity level.
With each passing day, I grew more fearful. Yet, where to turn, I did not know. I prayed constantly for a week. I don't think thirty minutes went by without me pleading to my loving Father on Heaven for relief, comfort, answers, direction, hope and help. I simply became His child and He, my Father. It was as if I was transported back to the days of my youth, when sick, laying in bed and crying for my Dad to come home to lay next to me, take care of me, keep me safe and help me to feel better. I remember when my own dad laid down next to me, I felt safe. Like I didn't have to be strong because my dad would make it ok. I needed my Father in Heaven to wrap His loving arms around me and hold me. I need to feel safe in His arms of comfort and know that whatever had invaded my body could destroy me but not Him. I knew as long as I was in my Father in Heaven's arms, I was safe. Safe to sleep without worry of never awaking again. Safe to have my heart continue to beat and my lungs continue to fill with air. I was terrified yet knew my Savior and Father in Heaven would protect me.
I continue to fight my way back. I am determined to fight whatever has ahold of my body and get back to where I was. Each day the fight is real. I battle to get out of bed, I struggle to find peace, I deal with horrible and debilitating pain and I mentally struggle because I am not the mom-wife-friend I so desperately want to be.
However, I am reassured by the fact that my dear Savior comforts me. My. Father in Heaven reassures me. I am not alone, I am protected and watched out for, I am kept safe, my Savior walks with me and I am not doing this alone. I feel the prayers and strength of so many. And for that, I am truly grateful.
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