Teeth

My teeth continue to be my Achilles' tendon. They constantly cause me issues and pain. So much so that I am almost going to be relieved at the day that the dentist says they must pull them all. Ok. I dread it but know it's coming and the anticipation, well, and the humiliation, is almost more than I can stand to bear. 

I have pleaded so many times with my Savior for more pain, more illness, more anything and less teeth issues. I KNoW He can. I KNOW He can stop the root issues. I KNOW miracles are possible. I am not sure why I must walk this particular road. I have dealt with kidneys and liver issues, adrenal fatigue and endocrine issues. Loss of immune system and transplants. I continue to deal with neuropathy and seizures and losing consciousness and exhaustion. I KNOW He could substitute any of those more intensely and allow my,teeth to be fine. 

But, in spite of all my pleading for Him to remove this cup, for whatever reasons that are greater than my own understanding, this path is not removable and I continue to have to walk this path. 

Somedays I sit in silence just praying. All alone. For hours on end. I search for some clarification or understanding. Any enlightenment at all. Just pleading for a change of course or an understanding or insight as to what the reason. It's not that I do not hear answers or I am ignored. Instead, the words, "Be Still and know that I am God." Come to my mind. Somedays I also hear, "Patience, Jerlyn. Thine afflictions will be but for a small moment and if thou will endure it well, I will exhault thee in high."  Regardless of the words, and however gently I'm told or how much peace comes, the words or answer is the same. This is the path I must walk. However painful. However humiliating. However humbling. This is where my Savior wants me. 

So, today, I had the dentist fix four more teeth after almost seizing in the chair in his yesterday. Or passing out and vomiting. I could tell the symptoms and knew I had to leave. Today, I was strong enough to hold my head high and endure the treatment and humiliation. And although the pain today had been bad, I was able to endure. 

Relief came in the form of a nap. A five hour nap. 

I'm grateful for my Savior and loving Father in Heaven. They walk with me on the important and scary things and on the mundane and humiliating. If I need them, and I reach out, they carry me. As I sat in the dentist chair yesterday, I pleaded for comfort, hope, peace, strength and my Savior to walk those frightening and painful moments with me. He did. My path didn't change. I had to walk it. But my Savior did not abandon me, He held me and walked those moments with me, protecting me from the seizures and loss of consciousness and kept me from getting sick on the dentist. He held me until I was safely home again. 

This trial takes my all. But I walk with angels and my Savior. They make the path and walk bearable. I am grateful for all the help and love I have here.