Letter from Jerlyn to a friend

This is Thomas-Jerlyn received an email from a friend and this is her response to it... I thought we needed to keep record of it, so I posted it....

Thanks. Not many people think so. Jodi and I had a great talk about Joseph Smith and Job yesterday. Not that I am in their class, but I definitely look up to and respect them. I guess I am much more empathetic this year than ever before as to their heartache and plight. It is interesting. What I thought before would have been some of their hardest things or trials, seem so much different to me today. I guess until one has walked a very long and unrelenting path, it is hard to understand what most takes a toll. I understand so much clearer now. I am sure that at the end of this ordeal or my life, I will understand even more profoundly the truths that are contained and hidden in their lives. Right now, my journey is to discover the truths they did, all while trying to keep my life as much together, as possible. It is a journey that I was not ready nor prepared for. But, there is no going back for re-do's. We have but one shot at this. I am hoping that right now, as I press forward harder than I ever have before in my life, that even though the blessings and rewards will not come in this life, that they will come. I am banking on eternity. My decisions are far less about today than figuring out how to get me, Thomas and Hayden back to our Father in Heaven. There is no way I am blowing it now, this all has to be worth something. I do know that my Father in Heaven knows I am clearly, head held up and strong, on his side. The battle lines are drawn and there is no question where I stand. That, when it boils down to it, is all that matters. So, I guess how I feel, my strength or lack thereof, does not matter, only that my feet are planted firmly, solidly and squarely, right in front of my Lord and Savior.

I am living for the moments that the Savior says to me, "Peace be unto your soul, for this is but a moment. If you endure it well, ye shall live with me on high." Oh, His peace. That is all that makes a difference right now. When I can no longer go on, my own handcart is being driven forward for me. There are angels that lift me and carry me to my next place. I just try to keep remembering...all I must do, is give my all, nothing more, nothing less. That is what he requires and that is what I am giving. Peace fills my soul, because I am doing all he is asking.

So, I hurt, I am in pain, I am weak, I am lonely, I am scared yet with Him, I am ok. What more can I ask for than to know that right now, if he stood in front of me, I could tell him, I have done my best. Not enough, not what others could do, but honest to goodness the best that I am capable of, and stretching to obtain and be more than I ever thought possible. So, I guess I am okay. Tired, worn out, exhausted, spent and can hardly move my body, but really I am okay.

Thanks. Right now I could use all the love, support and encouragement that those who love me are willing to give. Unfortunately, besides a very few of you, I have utilized all love, sympathy and support that was theirs to give me. I appreciate the few of you that have held on, in spite of me not being able to give much back. If it is of any worth, I have been promised that those of you who step in and help, will be greatly rewarded and blessed. I am appreciative and so is the Savior. My thanks, love and gratitude may be insignificant, but His isn't. His is worth it, so I allow you all to help, knowing that His blessings will outweigh anything that I am asking of each of you. For that reason, I am excepting of everyone's help.

I love you.

Jer