Latest health update

The end of June, I started into new symptoms. Fun ones. Intense itching so bad that it is like my blood itself is itching. TMI but horrific diarrhea. And deep bone pain. Nauseousness that never disappates.
After coming home from the beach, the symptoms got so bad that I went to the doctor. They tried prescriptions for the itching and steroids to try and calm my system down. It continued to get worse, not better.
This last week I went to a new immunologist. He was amazing. He said that my system is shutting down. He ordered a ton of bloodwork. He will go after IVIG treatments, bone marrow biopsies and trying to see what information he can get from the neurologist. He also referred me to a rheumatologist and cardiologist.
I saw the colon rectal doctor on Friday. After a quick meeting, he wanted to do an emergency colonoscopy today. I refused due to it being birthday time. So Friday I get the fun of another one in less than a year. He also ordered several other tests and blood work. Not fun.  I was prepared for the rest but not him.
As Thomas got home and gave me a blessing to ease my nerves, the blessing calmed my heart. But my deep fears were more pronounced. The blessing assured this was the path I needed to walk, expressed that this journey would get more difficult and it is the Lord's plan that the upcoming events play out in his way and for his benefit.  I can't imagine how hard it was for Thomas to assure me that there was something new going on, and that this new disease or symptom set was serious and would not be going away. The blessing continued with how loved I am, how much my Savior and Heavenly Father love me and that when the journey got too difficult for me to handle, they would wrap me in their arms and carry me through. I had a feeling of peace enfold me yet a clear knowledge that something was wrong. Not only was this serious but something that would require huge amounts of strength for me to endure. And in the end, I needed to remember that I am safely in my Father's hands. And whatever the outcome, I am loved and cared for. The blessing assured me of my husbands. Love and how much he and I have the same goals. We both want eternal marriage and to be together forever. It assured me that death was simply the next step in our journey. That our separation would bring us closer together and not tear us apart. It expressed the depth of Thomas' love for me. It expressed his desire for us to dwell eternally together forever. From there the blessing moved to my dear son and talked of how much he loves me. It talked of the truths Hayden learned from me and how much he wants the best for me. I was reassured motherhood was eternal and I would influence and be with Hayden beyond this life. I was reassured of how many pray for me. How many love me. It again expressed that this road, even though hard and treacherous, would bring me home and into mymSavior's arms.
Thomas and I both shared tears, hugs and our testimonies. We talked of eternity. We talked of promises made to one another. It was a beautiful heartbreaking moment. But oh so tender. I'm grateful for a husband who loves me so much. That stands by me and loves me.
This road has many heartbreaking moments but even more miracles and beautiful moments.
I'm grateful for this journey as it has given me a beautiful relationship with my Savior, my husband and son and so many loved ones.

Answering a call

I quit blogging when life became too overwhelming and I just wasn't ready to share all the details that were emerging in my life. I started simply recording in more detail for just my family. I felt that the way I was to help and share our lives, testimonies and experiences on Instagram. However, recently, the Lord has made it clear that his desire is for me to again start blogging our journey.

As I do this, I will try to be as transparent as possible. I will detail the good and the bad, our fears and heartache and our miracles and triumphs. The nitty gritty is not pleasant. We are struggling now to face things and struggling as what and how much to share with others. But, if the Lord asks me to share, to write down and share our experiences, I will,follow him. Please understand my greatest desire is to follow my Savior where he leads. I trust that he takes our journeys and helps as many people as possible. I only pray that my words will adequately convey the message he wants written.
I also write for Hayden and my posterity. I want my children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews and loved ones to know of my testimony of Jesus Christ. And I write to document that no matter the journey or hard things we are asked to walk, that we do not have to walk this life alone if we will simply reach out to our Savior.

A huge thank you to all those that have walked this journey with us. We are grateful. We love and appreciate your continued support.

Maya and Max

These two are little tender mercies in my life. I love their cuddles and love. I love their little spirits and the happiness they bring. So lucky these little fur babies are mine. 

My loves

Uncle thomas

Oh how Iove this boy! Jodi was getting supplies for the beach. She found a fan with water to help keep the temperature down. Jodi asked brigham, "do you think Uncle Thomas will set this up for Aunt Jer each morning if we buy this?" 

Brigham replied the truest statement. "Mom, uncle Thomas lives aunt Jer so much. He would do anything for her." 

So true. Yes. Uncle Thomas loves me tons Brigham. 

I pray Briggy that you and Hayden and talmage and all the nephews of mine treat their wives as wonderful as Thomas treats me. 

You are very observant Brigham. I love you. You are caring, loving, sweet, sensitive, kind and wonderful just like Thomas. You boys are going to be such great husbands and dads. I love you all. 

After church

Relaxing at Jodi's is the best! Love all these cute faces. 

Church together

We love going to Jodi's Ward. Hayden feels needed at church there as he leaders get so excited when he comes. He loves passing the sacrament and helping to prepare it. Thomas loves some of the families and I love being at church with this gang I love so much. Nothing better than celebrating our love for the gospel and Jesus Christ all together. 

Jodi's gang

I miss my sister and her kids. It's been years since Jodi and gang med. and I miss her ae kids everyday. 

I miss brooklyn and her sweetness. He kind hearted ways and how she les and serves all. I miss brigham and his sweet hugs and tender personality. I love his fascination how things work. I miss Talmage and the little buddy he is. I miss movie days with him. I miss cuddles. I miss him asking for donuts. And I love Patrick. The bonus for Jodi moving to Glendale. He has become my bonus nephew whom I love. And of course, my boy. 

We get to Jodi's house whenever we can. I love being with her and these sweet faces. I love watching Hayden with his cousins. He adores them and misses them. 

Jodi's kids are crazy busy. It makes it so hard for whe to break away and come here. So I do my best to get to her house as often as possible. I absolutely am the luckiest aunt and love all my nieces and nephews. I wish I could see them all every day. But my heart is happy when I'm with my sister and these cute kiddos. Lucky lucky me. 

Talk in church

Bishop Smith called speakers randomly. He would give two or three names and they would speak. He called Haydens name right after a rest hymn. Hayden nervously approached. He reported on trek and the feelings and spirit he felt. He loved trek. He strengthened his testimony. I'm so proud of him. I know it was hard for him but he did it. With a smile on his face. So proud of you bubba. 

He's home

Oh how I missed this boy!!!!!

He is ,y right arm, my smile, my joy, my happy and my life. I love being his mom. I love that he is my buddy. I love working with him at school. I love teaching him the gospel. I love watching movies with him. I love playing iPad games. I love his art. I love his cheer up cards and notes. I love that he brings me food. I love that he tucks me in. And kisses my forehead. I love that he gets me help when needed. I simply adore this amazing kid of mine. I'm so blessed to be his mom. 

Adventures at scout camp

Hayden loved scout camp. (He's in the back behind the cowboy hat. He loved hiking and his favorite was shooting guns and doing archery. He completed his environmental science merit badge. And communication. We are so happy to be done and start on eagle. I love these boys and the amazing leaders. So grateful for those that have my son's back. 

Date night again

How are we able to get out twice in one week for date night? We hit ice cream and just drove around and talked. I love just spending time together. I wish we would have been better at date nights when Hayden was young. I worked all day and hated leaving him. Yet, I've learned to appreciate Thomas and how he brings my life so much joy. 

After all. When Hayden is raised and on a mission and college and gets married, it will be back to me and this guy. I'm grateful he is my best friend. I'm grateful for my trust in him. He is a great man. And I'm lucky eternity with him is mine. 

Date night

Love this guy of mine. He is my happy place. 

While Hayden was at scout camp we decided to head out for a movie and gelato. I may have fallen asleep in the movie. But still loved every minute with Thomas. I feel so safe when we are together. So grateful he is mine. 

Scout camp

So proud. My boy and his willingness to work hard to get ahead in life. He passed off his last merit badge and ready to start his eagle. Just a little waiting time before he can get his project approved. I'm so proud of him and his attitude. His positive attitude will take him far in life. 

I sure missed him with him gone a week. This boy is my heart. He is my smile and joy. He brings so much joy and so much fun. We love you Hayden!