Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mother's Day

Mother's day is a strange day with all different kinds of emotions attached. I have been a mom now for 7 years. That is all I ever wanted in my life was to be a mom.

This day brings so many variety of emotions. It is amazing how you can take an ordinary day, attach a name to it and it becomes so emotional. I have spent the last 21 years hating and dreading Mother's Day. I hated that my mom was taken from me when I was young. I resented all future step-moms and that I had to acknowledge them on the day that I really wanted to mourn for the loss of my mother. Then spent years wishing to be a mom. The day was always a very painful one for me.

For the last seven Mother's Days, I have been a mom... my dream come true. Then, why do I still dread this day?

I think I figured it out. Now, I have what I want, a wonderful doting husband that will make me breakfast in the morning, shower me with gifts and make sure that I am treated like a queen all day. Luckily, he does this so often that it isn't just a once a year occasion. And, wonderful kids that will treat me like royalty. Yet, something is missing. I ache for those that will not have a good day. I understand the people dealing with the yearning for children, mourning the loss of their own mothers or wishing their situation were different. I still miss my mom.

I am thankful for all of the people near to me that have been a "mother" to me or to my dear Hayden. I understand that Mother's Day is so much more than just celebrating our own moms, but all the wonderful women in our lives that influence us, help us and are there in our times of need. Luckily, I have so many incredible women in my life that have done so much for me.

Yet, here I sit at almost midnight contemplating tomorrow. And, hoping that I can focus on all the joys and wonderful things instead of wishing for what isn't possible. I am very thankful to be a mother. Being a mother is the greatest gift that I have been given and I am very thankful for such a sacred calling.

1 comment:

connie said...

What a tender, heartfelt post. Even though my personal experiences have been so different than yours...I too "feel" for those who long to be a mom or long for their mom. I'm glad it was a beautiful day for you!