Another doctor another complication

Today was the appointment that when the dr office called to make it, they gave three stipulations. 1) you must bring a trusted and close supporter with you. We will not talk to you alone. 2) you cannot drive after the appointment. (No problem. Can't drive) 3. Please don't make any plans for the rest of the day as it may be an emotional conversation. Then the kicker was 4) but unfortunately the doctor is booked and cannot see you for here weeks. 

So, I know he surgery and follow up tests were not good or else these stipulations would not be in place. And then waiting three weeks... That's just torture. Although. I knew the results were going to be awful because my body wouldn't even let them preform the tests accurately. So I tried not to think about it and focused my thoughts elsewhere. 

Thomas met Joyce and I at the gastroenterologist. I was so grateful for his support. The doctor came in and asked how I was and how things had improved/worsened since we last talked. I discussed both hospital visits and their relations to my ongoing issues. 

He then said that the results for the tests came back with worse than imagined results. My entire esphogus system is paralyzed. He said that the test indicates that my paralysis is well over 75%. That my active esphogus movement is less than most people's at rest. I can no longer get food from my mouth to my stomach simply by swallowing. I have no contractions. I cannot push it down. The only thing keeping me eating is fluids. The fluids help it go,down. 

Because of the extensive damage and extent of,the paralysis, there is no medication, no surgery and no treatment. How long? Thomas asked. The doctor said, "we don't know. It could be simply months or even a year. But she will lose the ability to eat/drink/swallow and her entire digestive system will shut down." From there, a feeding tube directly to my stomach, , a bag for intestines, and possibly a trach, would be required. 

So I have to sit upright as possible to eat. Every bite requires fluids after to help food go down. I need to eat as liquid/soft/mashed foods as possible. No more meats and hard to eat/digest foods. No raw veggies and more. 

The vomiting daily/nausea/digestive issues/breathing struggles/oxygen issues and waking up with night time seizures all start with this issue. 

I'm grateful for answers. Even harsh ones. Sometimes I question myself. I question if I a, simply a wimp and a baby and don't push myself enough. Then reality hits like today. I may have an illness. I have many. I have some really bad things wrong. But I am not a wimp. I am a fighter. I fight each day. To eat and breathe and control my heart rate. I fight seizures and passing out. I struggle to lift my leg to get it to walk. I struggle to get my fingers to type the right keys. I fight for breaths. I fight to keep going. I fight to live. I am not a wimp, but a fighter. I give my all every day. And although the illness seems to beat me down physically, I will beat this mentally. I will not go down without a fight. 

I'm grateful for caring doctors, diagnosis, understanding, peace from my Savjor, a wonderful,support system, a love husband and son. And so much more. I'm truly blessed beyond measure. My illness does not define me. My belief in our Savior and believing in him and me help me continue this fight. My body may wear out but my will is strong. 

Time for me to learn about this new doagnosis that this doctor thinks may unravel more understanding and even greater complications than my neurological illnesses. Call me Dr Jer. I think it is one title I have definitely earned.