And it came to pass

I have struggled with how much faith do I really have? How much am I expecting a miracle? How am I feeling with the events that have occurred? Most of all, am I doing all I should be in order to qualify for the blessings of heaven to be poured down upon me?

As I have sought for answers to these questions, I have really searched the scriptures. I wanted to understand more clearly the workings and miracles of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I started in the New Testament and read about the miracles of the lepers, healing the unclean woman, raising Lazarus from the dead, healing the blind and many others. I was specifically looking for time frames. How quickly did healing occur and what steps were taken. I then switched to the Old Testament and studied Moses, Joshua, the children of Israel and the time frames. It struck a cord with me that a few short verses span forty years.

At that moment my focus changed. I quickly flipped to the Book of Mormon and instead of just reading the passages, I paid attention to the dates, the time frames and the years that were spanned in a few short verses. In my effort to catch the meaning of the doctrine, I lost focus of the time that some of the events took. Since the verses are back to back, it felt as though the events happened in a relatively short time frame.

However, there are usually five little words that represent years and tens of years of time. "And it came to pass".

A miracle or event occurs. Then "and it came to pass".  The next verse states the healing or lesson is learned. Fascinated by this new found knowledge, I began searching the scriptures with a new outlook. I again started back in the New Testament to search Christ's miracles since I knew most of the Old Testament stories took a long time.

Themes were constant. Miracles or life changing events occurred. Time passed. Then the scriptures show the changed person or the changed events. But because the scriptures are so close together, it feels like the changes should come quick, be instantaneous and trials over.

However, as I studied, I realized that where life really is made or lost is in the moments that the scriptures simply state, as it came to pass.

What will we do, I do, in those moments after the miracle or change and before the conquering is complete? I believe that those moments, the ones we struggle to figure out, cling to hold on, and keep trying, are the moments that actually define us.

We have received an answer, a change of heart, the overwhelming feelings of understanding have passed, life has taken back over and the day to day struggles of life have set back in. I believe it is in those moments that really define us. Will we stay true to the change or will the daily challenges of life take us back to who we were before the miracle?

I believe that is why there is so much talk of enduring to the end.

The change of heart is uplifting, a feeling we may have never felt before, we feel close to the Savior, and want that feeling to never end. But then real life sets in and we have to learn to maneuver the change and incorporate it back into our regular lives. Find the balance. It takes time. It isn't a change that takes place overnight. It takes practice, reconfiguring, juggling and a lot of prayerful moments or trying to balance what is needed to be done.

These moments are so personal. They must be balanced and conquered thru much prayer and help from our Savior.

These moments can be a real struggle. There are ups and downs. There are successes and failures. Many times it is an internal struggle to just figure it all out.

I believe the "and it came to pass" moments are the ones that build character, help us learn who we are and where we learn to find balance in our lives.

After studying and researching this topic for days and hours upon hours, I learned that in the "and it came to pass moments" is where we see who we are and what we are really are made of. We find the strength deep inside to change, trust our loving Savior, persevere and endure to the end. Once we have been sufficiently tried and test, the miracles come. The blessings promised are granted.

I am living in the "and it came to pass" moment, right now. I am trying to find my way. I am trying to figure it all out. And although I want all the answers now, all the blessings to come and all promises fulfilled, I know that right now is not the time. It is my time to remain faithful. My time to persevere. I must do all I can to endure to the end.

Although I may not have the blessings immediately now, I am so grateful for the understanding that was given to me, so that I can more patiently bear the trials given to me. I will forge my course while living in the "and it came to pass moments".

Easter's Memorable moments

 Easter brought many touching moments. It is honestly one of my favorite weeks of the year. We try our hardest to spend the entire week focused as much on the Savior and the last week of his life, as possible.

 As we spent each evening watching video clips on the Savior, listening to the prophets speak of the events of that sacred week of events, read the scriptures of the recorded events and talked of the importance of all the events, our hearts were touched and we were able to learn so much. We each gained a greater depth of appreciation and understanding of the Atonement.

Some of my favorite events of the week included:

• Easter Sunday at church. The talks were amazing. The Spirit was so strong. There were some beautiful musical numbers. Beautiful service.
• A friend sang a beautiful arrangement of "I know that my Redeemer lives".  As she sang I felt as if the Savior wrapped his loving arms around me assuring me that He lives.
• Hayden's face on Easter morning as he rounded the hall and saw a new backpack in lieu of a basket, both confusion and joy stretched across his face.
• Listening to Hayden bear his testimony of the Atonement of his Savior.
• Hayden asking to learn more each night and not wanting to stop talking of the miracles of the Savior. His desire to learn and understand exceeded even my hopes.
• Sitting on the couch watching clips of the Savior work miracles. 
• Testifying to Hayden of the Atonement and how it works in our lives.
• Mine and Thomas' study of these same events after Hayden was asleep trying to expand our own understanding and appreciation for these sacred events.
• The joy that comes from knowing that while the Savior was in Gethsemane, not only did he atone for my sins and wrong doings, but also my pain, my heartache, my unfulfilled desires and my suffering.
• How much I need the atonement.
• Realizing how much the atonement has played out in my life this past couple of years.
• The gratitude I feel at this time of year when I take the time to remember my Savior and all that he has done for me personally. 
• Testifying to Hayden that He Lives! He lives! Two simple words that empower all that I try to do in my life. For this knowledge, I am so grateful.  

Like father like son

Hayden walked in the other day and had this look on his face. I laughed hysterically and Thomas asked why. Of course, because he did his dads expression perfectly. Thomas said that he didn't make that face. Mmmm. Thinking Hayden is just like his dad.

On Saturday, Thomas and I were talking about bearing our testimonies in church on Sunday. Hayden said he wanted to bear his testimony, too. He was scared to do it in sacrament meeting but wanted to get up in primary.

Terrified, he stood for the first time in church, in front of all the primary kids and bore his testimony of the Savior. It was simple but powerful. He said he knew that I was alive because of the miracles of Jesus.

My heart melted. I was so proud of him. Joy filled my heart. I know how hard it was for him to stand in front of all. But, with faith that the Savior would help him, he stood.

I looked back to this picture of him and his dad. He watches us so much. He hears what we say, sees what we do and learns from our example.

I'm glad he was listening when we were talking of why we wanted to express our testimonies was to let others know that a miracle was preformed on our behalf in our lives. He wanted to let the other children know that they could pray and their prayers would be heard too.

He really is like his father. I'm so glad he has such a great role model to follow.

Fast & Testimony Meeting

The first Sunday of each month is set aside for us to fast and then attend a special Sacrament meeting where all are invited to stand and share their testimonies of the Savior and the experiences that have led them to their beliefs. To fast is to go without food and drink voluntarily for a certain period of time. Fasting combined with sincere prayer can strengthen us spiritually, bring us closer to God, and help us prepare ourselves and others to receive His blessings.

Last week, our ward members held a special fast for me. It was the combined efforts, fasting and prayers of so many, for my behalf, that opened the windows of heaven and poured blessings down upon me and my family. My gratitude for all those that fasted and prayed for me is inexpressable.

Today was the day set aside that as a ward we gather and in fasting join and share our testimonies.  After the experiences of the last week, I knew that I wanted to get up and thank all those that prayed and fasted and express to them my gratitude and in more detail the miracles that have taken place over the past week.

After the Sacrament was passed and the testimony meeting was about to begin, my heart was beating through my chest and my palms were damp with sweat. My heart knew the stories I needed to tell, but I still get nervous standing up in front of so many and sharing me deepest and most sacred feelings.

As I walked up to the pulpit and looked out over the congregation, my heart swelled inside. Because of the love and support, prayers, fasting and pleas of these people to our Father in Heaven, I had the privilege of standing before them. There are no words to express the deepest gratitude and appreciation of my heart.

I shared my love and broke down the past two weeks and the miracles that had taken place in our lives. I began with two Saturdays ago when Thomas and I were in prayer and the Bishop called to see if the ward could hold a special fast for me. In those precious moments, although so unsure about so much, I felt the love of my Savior and his arms wrapped around me. He knew of my fears and wanted to show me the love placed around me.

Immediately after church that next day, I felt the prayers and my body started overcoming the meningitis. I felt the strength of so many praying for me. I then expressed the details of last Sundays events, what the doctors were saying, and the events that took place throughout the week.

I expressed my great gratitude for being alive to stand in front of them today. I relayed that the blessing assured me that through the combined fasting and prayers of the Desert Mountain ward that the Lord was granting their pleas and sparing my life. Because of these wonderful people that I was surrounded by, I was still here.

I went on to testify of our Savior. I testified of his goodness. I testified of my knowledge that he lives. He loves us. He knows each of us individually. He knows our deepest fears, deepest agonies, greatest desires of our hearts and the very beings that we are. I expressed that no matter how difficult this trial became, the fact was, my Savior stood at my side. He lifted me. He carried me. He shed tears for me. He sent his earthly angels to surround me and buoy me up when I was faint.

I testified that our Savior does indeed still work miracles today, just as when he walked this earth. He continues to bless us. He continues to heal us both spiritually and physically. And, in my case, he has literally spared my life time and time again.

I bore testimony of the great plan of salvation that was prepared for us from the beginning. That even if I would have died, that I would see Thomas and Hayden again and be with them in the next life. I praised our Savior for his love for each of us and our ability to remain as families forever.

I ended with the words to I know that my Redeemer lives, assuring them that I believe, with all my heart that my Redeemer lives. He comforts me when I am faint, he listens to my heartaches, he lifts me, he walks with me and he loves me. I have felt his warm embrace. I have been encircled by his love. I have felt his healing powers. I am a living witness of his miracles and his love.

My love for my Savior is without limits. He knows me. He loves me. He cares for me, just as he does for each of us. Nothing we do can keep him from loving us. His love is perfect and complete.

The Spirit was so strong. I again felt the loving arms of my Savior wrap around me and let me know I am his.

After this incredible experience, my sweet husband stood and humbly, quietly, and with the Spirit bore a beatuiful testimony of turning things over to the Savior. That sometimes it takes all we have to say, "Thy will be done". But, when we do, He wraps us in his love and we are taken care of.

Thomas testified, as I did, of the miracles of Jesus. The miracles that have been so generously and incredibly placed in our lives. He expressed gratitude that the Lord spared my life. He expressed his deep love for our Savior.

I love my sweet husband that relies on our Savior. That he hears His voice and is willing to submit his will to that of our Savior's. He is a great man. I am so blessed that he is mine.

When Sacrament meeting was over, the love and hugs that were expressed and given were beyond words. I felt so loved. I felt so safe and secure. I felt the loving arms of our Savior wrap around me by all those giving me hugs today. It was an experience I will never forget. The love that I felt, indescribable. As the meetings went on, the hugs, expressions of love and well wishes were endless.

As I sat in Relief Society, surrounded by these amazing daughters of God, my mind escaped to my Savior. As I was being wrapped in the arms of love here, I thought to myself and wondered what if I hadn't made it. A calm encircled me and I felt reassurance. The love that was shown today would have been the same but in a different sphere. Had I gone home to my Father in Heaven, I would have been encircled there in the arms of so many who have gone before and love me. As it was a glorious day at church here, it would have been a glorious reunion in heaven, I am sure.

The gospel is true whether we are walking our lives out on earth or if we go on to the next phase of our progression in the heavens. The relationships and love we share and give is endless and never forgotten.

Our Savior lives. He loves us. I have felt the warm embrace of our Savior as he has walked me through my trials. He has helped me to find the good, see the joy and feel the incredible peace that comes from knowing this is his plan, he is in charge and if I put my trust in my Savior, all the details will work out.

I am grateful for the miracle of my life. I am grateful for my Savior's love. I am grateful for the prayers from each of you, my loved ones and friends. May the Savior watch over and bless your lives, just as he has mine.