Arizona heat

I live in the Valley of the Sun. Each and every summer the heat makes me hot and miserable. I had become accustom to being hot, dreading the car when it had been sitting in the sun and avoiding extra trips during the scorching summer afternoons. However, I have never experienced a summer quite like this one.

This summer is killing me, literally.

Of all things to be a trigger for my "episodes" of going unconscious and having my body pool blood in my heart, is the sun.

Today, the temperature should be around 117 degrees.

It is hot.

I am struggling to maintain consciousness.

I am downright miserable.

This has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life, physically and emotionally.

I became so sick at the beginning of this year and almost lost my fight for life. Since then, my body has gained strength and overcome so many obstacles. Since March, my body has fought and improved and literally accomplished the impossible. The last couple of weeks, the trend of getting better has turned to one of digression, week by week, day by day. With each passing day, I am so grateful that I have survived, but I have had to have a priesthood blessing each and every day for the past four days, just to live. Each day has brought major problems, extreme complications and life threatening obstacles.

It has been exhausting both physically and emotionally.

Fear has crept back into spaces that I had long ago cleared out. I have struggled to not fall apart completely. Each day, I find myself reaching and clinging for faith and comfort. I am searching for the peace that was so readily accessible just weeks ago.

I know that my Father in Heaven is in charge. I know he is with me and is ultimately sparing my life each and every day. I cling to him for reassurance and guidance and hope and healing. I pull close to him when the daily episodes of losing consciousness and feelings of impending doom encompass my body. I know he is the source of all blessings, all miracles and all hope. I am clinging to the promises that I have been made. I am holding tight to my Savior. I know this to shall pass. I know that eventually another "and it came to pass" moment will come and I will be able to look back on this time as another learning experience and another obstacle overcome.

For today, I am grateful for all of those that have gone back to daily interaction with me. Those that give of their busy lives to sit with me and comfort me. Those that understand that someone just sitting in the room with me gives me hope, lifts my spirit and calms my fears.

I am so very thankful that my sweet son sits with me and helps me. It is so much responsibility for an eleven year old boy but he has such a great attitude about it all. Even reassuring me that this is the best summer of his life getting to spend so much time with me. I love his sweet example of faith and finding the good.

I will survive this. I will prove the doctors wrong. I will still be here to see another Christmas, another new year and experience my son receiving the priesthood power.

Great memories still are awaiting their turn to be made. I have hope in the future. My future.