Fight song

Lately, it has been hard to just keep going. The trial has kicked me down hard. Giving up and giving in felt like an easier solution. Between medication changes, an intestinal blockage, surgery, multiple tests in the hospital, and more pain than I can bear, I have felt at the end of my rope. But, quitting isn't an option. At all. I have to keep going. But how? 

As I was scrolling thru Facebook, I heard this song. I found myself listening to it over and over and over again. As I listened to it, I found my fight. My will to keep going. 

The words spoke to my heart. 

This is my fight song

Take back my life song 

Prove I'm alright song 

My power's turned on

Starting right now I'll be strong

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if anyone else believes

Cause I still got a lot of fight left in me. 

This spoke perfectly to my heart. As I listened, I cried and sobbed. It is so hard to fight this day in and day out. I fight an invisible disease. I fight a disease no one understands. There are days I look fine although I can hardly move. It breaks my heart when those close to me don't understand. I fight my hardest. If I had cancer or ALS, others would understand. But with autonomic neuropathy, peripheral neuropathy, small fiber neuropathy, and multiple other diagnosis' and paralysis of the esphogus and intestines, I fight each day. Most don't understand. Even with me in autonomic failure. 

These new genetic tests and hospital tests may give me a more definitive diagnosis that others Understand. But I am grateful that my husband and son and doctors and sister and close supporters do understand. I'm grateful for those that stand close to me. They have helped me to find my fight song and stand and fight. 

Most of all, my Savior, fights with me. When I feel I can't fight for myself anymore, he fights for me. 

And starting now, I will be alright and take back my life. Because I still have a lot of fight left in me.