I was grateful to have my sweet sister here to entertain, watch me, help me and distract me from the side effects. Days with her here makes it easier to handle and I feel stronger. She is such an amazingly strong person that she can actually share her strength with others. I'm very grateful for her and all those that help us.
Wednesday, soon after the chemo entered my body, the nausea began. At least I am grateful it hadn't continued over from the previous two weeks. Then the deep pain in my bones. Then a stabbing in my heart like a stake was pushed thru from one side to the next. After screaming out in pain, Thomas administered a priesthood blessing. The pain immediately began to ease as did the panic. The deep pain grew more intense as I tried walking on my,legs.
As Jodi and I talked, the rolling of seizures began. I could feel myself sliding in and out of consciousness and conversation. As I became back aware, I noticed the panic look in Jodi's eyes. The confusion grew deeper. My'vision began to fail. An aura surrounded those I love. Food. I need food to counteract the nausea. And oh. Movement. Movement is bad. It was if I was fading in and out of a kaleidoscope turning. Jodi's voice sounded distant and like she was in slow motion. Hayden stayed there and strong. His voice is also a beacon to keep me grounded.
Jodi made me toast and an egg. The protein/carb combo works great at reducing nausea. I then started into doze. The dozens of seizures had worn me out.
Jodi said that as I slept, a huge peace and serenity filled me. I had a huge smile for awhile and was just completely at peace. She said she was comforted by the way I was completely transformed back to me prior to being sick. She watched me and smiled more when I began to laugh out loud. She talked of the sheer joy. Thomas said I have done that a couple times of weeks lately. It's as if I'm being strengthened or helped by unseen hands.
I felt better when I awoke. Not so seizure effected. Jodi left. Hayden stayed and helped me as the next round of seizures were brought on. Man that kid is strong. He does what he needs to and gets me down and waits. While he waits, he prays. He gently slid a blanket over me and rested my head on a pillow. He calmed the dogs. He got in bed next to me to be the reassuring voice when I came back from the seizures. Calm as ever. I'm not sure how he does it but I am oh so grateful.
I pulled back out. Thomas came home. I had developed a rash that was beginning to bleed from the lace on my garments. He made sure I was stabilized and headed out to the garment center to see if he could find anything to work.
Suzi volunteered to stay with me. The rolling seizures began again. One after the next. Unable to talk or move. Just with it enough to get to safety. Suzi laid me on the couch. Put a pillow under my head and took over watching me. She watched as the seizures continued one after the next. Dozens continued. She did great until Thomas could get home to take back over. He helped me to bed and after the seizures continued for another hour, he again administered a priesthood blessing to pull me out of the rolling seizures. I don't remember the blessing. I wasn't conscious. Thomas tells me that it promised relief from the dozens and dozens of seizures my body had endured that day. And a calm. I grateful for a husband whom cherishes and utilizes the priesthood power he has been granted.
After all the seizures, the intense itching began, the and the irritation. No sleep came as my body fought the remnants of all the seizures. So I watched my husband sleep knowing it would be a short time before he was awakened and went to help me again.
Thursday brought more nausea and more seizures. Dozens and dozens of seizures. The intense itching. Unsteadiness. Fatigue. Confusion. I slept some. Tossed and turned. Used every main medication available to me from pain meds to nausea to calming oils. I was grateful Julie came and stayed as I was scared to be alone. Hayden loved her being here to julie. When she wasn't taking care of me she helped him spray paint Nerf guns and use power tools. Having him distracted is a huge blessing to me. And my emotions.
I also awoke Thursday to realizing not only was the rash on my,back now bleeding. I had developed painful bed sores. Ouch. That has been one painful thing to deal with. Also temporary but complete paralysis of my right fingers, hand and arm. Oh how it hurt. Oh how I was scared.
Friday brought more seizures. Less nausea. Less intense pain and more all over pain. And a huge surprise as a brushed my teeth. Another tooth cracked in half. It hurt as it hung in ther deep between the gums, wedged in. Hayden awoke Friday morning sick. Really sick. Great. Now what? Suzi and Joyce jumped in and took care of him. Strep and sinus infections and an antibiotic. Many prayers have been offered for Hayden to get better and my not get it.
Saturday was some relief. I slept while Thomas and Hayden and Joyce and suzi ran a garage sale. Have I mentioned the blessings in my life.
Saturday evening my tooth disintegrated and fell out in chunks. Seriously. It hurt. My jaw throbs. I am hurting.
It's been one rough week. I feel like I cannot catch a break. Cannot eat. The pain intensifies. What is happening to my,body? It doesn't stop but continues to just be a constant rotation of more issues and less answers. More waiting and more pain.
Again, I am awake for another sleepless night. I wish I could sleep. I am so tired. So itchy. In so much pain. And unable to do anything but pray, breathe in and out and endure. I pray the symptoms ease.
So almost four days in and this is where we were at. Not an entirely fun week. But I am grateful for all the help given by earthly and heavenly angels. I feel their presence when I cannot go on. I feel the presence of peace provided by this gift. I am l grateful for a loving Savior who comforts me.
I am hopeful. I am praying that somehow things get a little easier and little less heavy. I can only imagine the weight of this burden if the Savior was not helping me to carry the load. The weight now consi,was me. But I know that if I drop my load, my Savior will steady me. That brings great relief. As I do my all to hold it all together. And I continue to pray for better days.
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