My fight song

Oh how I LOVE this song. As I hear it, it causes tears to swell and my heart to beat with pride.

I have had so many doctors tell me to go home and quit and stop fighting and just enjoy the time I have left with my family. It crushes my spirit when they tell me that. I am a mom and a wife and a sister and a friend. I am a daughter of God with a mission still left to do here on this earth.

So when the doctors tell me to give up..... I cried.

Now, when I hear how hopeless my life is, this song pops into my head. I can hear the words blaring and I sing with my entire body and all the fight I can gather.

"This is my fight song, take back my life song! Prove I'm alright Song! My power's turned on! Starting right now I'll be strong! I'll play my fight song! And I don't really care if nobody else believes! Cause I've still got a lot of FIGHT left in ME!"
 

I posted this on Face book and these are some of the sweet and loving responses I received back. I owe each of these people as they will never know how much their love and support mean to me.

I wrote the following:
I absolutely LOVE this song. This is the theme song to this season of my life. As I started chemo last week, it completely knocked me to the ground. Second dose is today. I will be singing this song and am determined to win this battle. After all, I still have a lot of fight left in me. I also know that I do not walk this fight alone. I'm grateful for a loving savior who fights with me and sends loved ones to help me fight and to fight for me when I am simply too weak.

Some of my dear friends posted the following. Tears were freely shed as I read their cherished and unexpected responses included below: 

 

Then Laura Davis posted the following, with a beautiful rendition of the Piano guys, bagpipes, amazing grace and a beautiful song for me to listen to. Her words brought so much comfort to me heart:

Jerlyn, I have been thinking a lot about you lately sweet friend and when I saw this it reminded me of you. I cried through the whole thing thinking about what an amazing person you are. You are the strongest woman I know but you are also the most humble, kind and faithful. I just love everything about you and am so grateful to have your example in my life and your friendship in my heart. Stay strong through this. You can do it. Love you. 

Other kind and heartfelt messages came from loved ones and friends below. I posted this to prove to this disease that I would win. I put it out there on facebook for the world to see that I refuse to give up. That I will continue this fight and that I am stronger than this disease. What I never expected was this outpouring of love. It touched me more than words could ever express. I felt wrapped in the arms of so many loved ones.

As I have now been on chemo five weeks, I can't count the times that I have looked back at these messages when my world seemed too hard and the disease felt as if it was winning.

This song, these messages, my loving family, my friends and loved ones, my dear husband and precious son and my loving Savior and beloved Father in Heaven have made this journey bearable. The days go by and the nights are so incredibly long and painful but I am reminded that so many fight with me. That there are so many routing for me and want me to succeed and to win.

I am clearly aware that this is a fight that will not be won in this lifetime. That every day that I remain on this earth will require me to give my all and fight to stay alive. I have no hope of remission. No hope of a cure. No hope of ever feeling like a normal human again that has the ability to live life however I please without regards to struggling with a disabling health condition. But that does not matter. This disease is determined to take my life. It is determined to keep me down. It is determined to beat me. However, what is this diagnosis does not clearly understand is that I am stubborn. I am determined. I am a fighter. I fight to live! I fight for those I love and who love me! I am stronger than this disease. It may get a few good blows in but the ultimate victory will be mine. I will continue to live and love and cherish and find joy in my life. It may make it more difficult but I am determined to live my life to the fullest and the best ability that I can. I will make it better than any diagnosis. I will find more strength and joy than they could ever possibly give me. I will beat the best case scenario.

After all, I believe I am only on my sixth or seventh victory of defeating death as so many prognosis and doctors have given us. I do have a lot more fight in me. Watch out world. Jerlyn still has a lot of living left to do.