Wednesday was my third treatment at Mayo Clinic. After my amazing experience on Tuesday night while blogging, I was able to sleep. Early in the morning I was awoken to a feeling of being held down, as if someone was wrestling with my soul. As hard as I tried to fight it, it felt as if this overwhelming force was trying to take me over. Thomas said I yelled out trying to stop from being taken over. Fearful because I was so on edge, Thomas gave me a priesthood blessing.
The blessing was inspirational and so uplifting. The words spoken were cherished and so loving. The words spoken were powerful and direct. I was promised that the advesary would depart and have no power over me. As I went through these treatments, I would be held and protected by the Savior. I was told that the peaceful and comforting feelings were from my Father in Heaven. The feelings of fear and torment were not from my Father in Heaven.
My body relaxed. My spirit felt peace. My breathing began to return to a steady rhythm. My heart was calm.
I knew a miracle had occurred. I knew my Father in Heaven stepped in and protected me. I am not sure what all is taking place. This trial. This experience. This long and drawn out process is beyond my understanding. I feel it is bigger than I realize. It is effecting so many lives, yet I am not sure I understand completely.
I know my Father in Heaven is sparing my life. I know and have experienced so many miracles. I know a lot of people are watching and seeing the miracles of a kind Heavenly Father. Yet, who am I to receive such blessings when so many others could do such a better job? Why is The Lord continuing to spare my life? Who am I that I deserve such incredible miracles?
I've come to believe that The Lord is allowing me to have these miraculous experiences not only for me but do that His amazing and miraculous works can be shown. I testify that miracles exist and are alive today. I am alive out of the grace and goodness of my Father in Heaven.
As I sat back after my amazing experience with my priesthood blessing, I realized that as hard as this is, my Savior is with me. For whatever purpose this trial I am going through, it will have outcomes for people that the adversary is scared of. The adversary wants me to give up. He wants me to fail. Luckily for me, I know where to turn. I know who will win. I know to stand strong on the Lord's side. He will guide me, protect me and spare my life.
Hayden, mommy needs you to know that no matter what happens in life, you must always trust your Savior. You may not always understand the reasons you are asked to do things. You may not be able to see more than a foot in front of you, at times. You may feel that you are asked to walk a hard road that does not make sense. What I promise you, as your mother, that loves you more than anything is if the Savior asks you to walk a path, He will walk it with you. He will give you the necessary skills, abilities, strength and stamina to do His work. All He needs is your complete heart and willingness to follow Him. He will guide you and do the rest. I promise that although you may not understand the whys or how's. If you do as the Savior asks, you WILL be blessed.
As I walked into the hospital to start the treatment, my Savior, my protector, my guardian and my friend stood at my side. He walked with me, just as He has promised to walk with each of us, when we are willing to walk the path He has asked of us.
The road is not always easy. It will push you to your limits and require you to stretch far beyond you'd abilities. It will feel at times that you cannot walk another step or take another breath. Those are the moments that if you push through that you will feel your Savior with you, adding strength unto you, easing your burdens and carrying you when you no longer can take another step. It is in those moments that heaven touches earth. Your Savior will take you in his arms, hold you and in that moment, nothing else matters. It is all worth it.
This will not be the end of your journey, but at that moment, you are changed forever. You know that you can do whatever the Savior requires.
I love you, Hayden! Always remember your mom loves you. I love you Dad! He's a great man. He honors his priesthood. He loves the Savior. He adores you!!!! I know my Savior lives and loves me. Of this I testify He lives!!!