Church

The lesson in Relief Society today was on Trusting the Lord. It was a wonderful lesson and really caused me to think of ways that I could better put my heart in a position to really trust my Savior.

The story was told of the Lord telling this man that he needed to push with all of his strength against this boulder. Each day the man would do his best and pushed with all of his might against the boulder but was never able to even budge it. Time went on and Satan brought doubt into the man's mind with questions such as "I am failing, I am giving it my all, but I can't budge the boulder... and why is the Lord asking me to do this? This is hard. I am not making a difference, why should I keep trying."

The man takes the problem to the Lord and expresses his frustrations and concerns. He also, expresses his inability to do the thing that the Lord commanded him to do. The Lord answers with, "I didn't ask you to move the boulder. I only told you to push against it with all your might."

The Lord then pointed out the strength the man had gained, the way it built the muscles in his arm, how it strengthened his torso and built strong legs. It wasn't about moving the boulder, it was about shaping the man.

As I have walked some of my own trials and have tried to figure them out, this story has been so inspirational to me. So often, I find myself trying to achieve the end result, I think my only success is judged entirely in whether or not I was able to move the boulder.

As this story was shared today, I felt the sweet peace of the Holy Ghost comforting my heart and mind. It was as if I was being told that I am too hard on myself and judge myself based on the outcome, not in just the doing.

I am more resolved to only focus on this question, "Am I doing what the Lord is asking of me?" If I am, then I am going to try to be at peace and try to know that the Lord is happy with me. I can see how in my life that some of the things the Lord has asked me to do hasn't had the outcome that I wanted or expected. When he lets me see his plan, his way, I do see that the trial or obstacle was for my good and regardless if it helped others, I was strengthened by the task.

I am so grateful for wonderful teachers that help bring the spirit when they teach and the time they spend to help inspire me and encourage me to be better. I am so grateful.

And, although, I didn't have the courage to get up in sacrament meeting today and bear my testimony. I will here. I know that the Lord lives. I know he knows me, Jerlyn. I know that he is aware of what I do, the things I try to do and especially that he knows my heart and my true intentions. I also know that he loves me, even when I falter, even when I make mistakes and he is my biggest cheerleader when I try to make positive changes in my life. I am so grateful for Him and all the wonderful ways he blesses my life each and every day. I do not know how to adequately express my love and appreciation and sheer gratitude for him and his gentleness with me.