As things have been getting hairy for Hayden at school this year with some teachers and students and situations, I again started this process. With junior high around the corner, the options were less and unfamiliarity increased. I started by praying about which schools to even invistigate, since I could not walk into the schools. One by one, as I located and briefly researched each school, I felt no after no after no. Uneasy about each option I researched and studied. Quickly after beginning looking at each one, red flags appeared and concerns arose that I was not willing to bend on.
One by one my options for Hayden depleted. Soon, it seemed as if all options were gone. I felt confused and very unsure about my answers and decisions. I felt like. I did when I was praying about school and where I should go, when my options were BYU, Arizona, get married, work... I received no to all options. Until I finally told my Savior if he would show me the way, I would walk wherever he asked me to. The answer immediately came to my mind...I need you to serve a mission and love and find my other children.
Again, I found myself in a similar situation. All viable options that I saw, were "no's". Again, on bended knee, I plead with my dear Savior for answers. I again voiced the words, "Savior, I have received a no to all options I could find. I've researched and studied the options. I have prayed about each one. I have received a no to each option. Where does that leave me? Hayden? He needs to go somewhere. Savior, if you will tell me what to do, where to go, we will follow you wherever you ask."
Immediately, the feeling of homeschooling came to my heart and mind. Homeschooling? Really? How? Is it possible in my situation? His? How will I ever be able to do enough? Will I survive this? Questions came to my mind. So many. Questioning my ability to be able to teach Hayden what he needed to learn. And even more so, questions about my health, heart conditions, afternoon coma episodes, my exhaustion and seizures swarmed my mind. How could I possibly physically do all that would be required.
But, as I cleared my mind. I did what I have so often done throughout my life. I trusted my Savior. I humbled my self. My prayer changed. Again. I asked for clarification. Again, the spirit embraced my heart and soul. Comfort and peace came and replaced the doubt and fear and confusion. I recognized immediately my Savior's will. My words changed. I promised to continue to walk my life on the Savior's path. To do things His way, not mine. To make my will match His. Not the other way around.
Peace filled my heart. I felt my Savior's love for me and Hayden.
The thought again came across my mind. All I have to do is give my all. No more. No less. All is required is that I do my best and give my all. Our dear Savior will make up for where I lack.
If he is asking me to homeschool Hayden, he will fill in and make up where I lack. My all is enough.
The road now begins... The process of meeting with Special Education teachers, Speech therapists, Ocupational Therapists, Principal, Teachers and more to reassess his IEP. Do his testing. And get all things in order has begun.
My goal is to have him home with me by Easter.
I am working on it. But, I trust if I do what the Savior asks, he will help me and guide me. He will help me along the path and point me where I need to go.
So another new adventure gets ready to begin. Once again, I am learning to put my trust in the Savior in another aspect of my life. Once again, I anticipate seeing the hand of our dear Savior in the details in our lives. In our homeschooling. And in giving me what I need in order to take care of my son and my health. Let the new adventure begin.....
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