If only

If only I had a chance to reach out and touch the Savior's garments, I would. I love this story in the scriptures. I love the account of a woman so racked with pain and illness, that no doctor could cure her. For years and years she suffered. She was shunned. She was discarded and pushed aside. She was considered unworthy and unclean. 

Yet, she had so much faith in the Savior. She knew His great power and His ability to heal. She knew touching His clothing alone would heal her. 

I relate so closely with this woman. I know what it is like to suffer. To feel abandoned and discarded and unworthy by those who most would consider my supporters. To try to protect those who push me aside and consider me unworthy of love and support because of my illness. My invisible illness. 

But, this picture reminds me that no matter what those on earth believe about me, I am worthy of my Savior's love. He heals me. He has surrounded me with amazing people that love me and will help me. He protects me during surgery, he heals my hurt, he comforts me when I feel alone and he eases my pain when I am at my breaking point. 

He gave me a wonderful husband to love and support me. He gave me my precious son who is kind and loving and caring and brings me insurmountable joy. He sent my puppies to bring laughter and love every day. He gave me a sister to be my best friend and support and the one I call when I would my mother. He lets my angel mother in Heaven watch over me and walk with me and occasionally let me see and feel her by my side. He gave me a loving mother in law who cherishes us and will serve with all of her heart. He sent so many family and friends to buoy me up. Suzi, my friend for over 20 years. To help and care about my boy. To do for us. He sent Julie to step in and help to mother me and care for me. When my dear sister moved, he sent my dear cousin, Lisa and her family, just down the street to be a support for me. He sent me friends in similar circumstances to help one another thru. He gave me the greatest visiting teachers and dear ward friends that I love and cherish and adore. He gave me lifelong friends like Darce and Kerri and so many more. I shouldn't name names because I am still under medication from surgery and am forgetting some key people. But I am so blessed. 

I am so grateful. So very grateful. I know my Savior loves me. I know He protects me. I know He knows me and He loves me. So very much. More than I can imagine. And as much as I love and cherish and adore my son, my Savior loves Hayden and Thomas and me more than I could imagine. And He does heal me. Even when my physical body remains ill and disabled, he heals my heart. He heals my mind. He heals my soul. And he heals my physical body so I can continue to live with those I love. He is my Savior, my Redeemer, my Comforter, my all. And I am safe with Him.