Frightening Call

My Dad scared me to death.

Last week, I received a phone call from Jake telling me that he and Josh were headed to the hospital. Dad had been through surgery and wasn't doing okay. He had been in a surgical center and was being sent to the hospital via ambulance because of heart issues.

I asked Jake if he was breathing, ok or what was going on? Jake didn't know. He only received a panic call from Bonnie explaining that he was not breathing and his heart was having complications.

My heart sunk. It almost literally stopped. Tears fell from my face. I knew I needed to get there asap.

Luckily it was Wednesday, chemo day and Julie had stopped by with Brody so he could hang out with Hayden and Julie was going to check on me. She hadn't been here long, when the call came in. I was so grateful she was here and willing to drop me off at the hospital and take Hayden and Brody to dinner to distract Hayden.

The ride to the hospital took forever. I called Thomas and asked him to meet me there and let Jodi know what was happening.

Back in November, at my dad's birthday party, I mentioned that he didn't look right, that something looked physically wrong. But the thing that really made me think there was a problem was my Dad started talking like he was dying. I commented to others, but only me and Robert (Etherington) picked it up. We were both convinced, as both of us have asked ourselves the same questions when we came close to our own loss or mortality. There was just something different and off. His activity level was also incredibly low, especially on the cruise. I again commented that something wasn't right with Dad but everyone just brushed it off as a cold or particularly hard day. Yet, something nagged at me and I felt he wouldn't be with us much longer.

When I arrived at the hospital, Bonnie's children were in the hospital waiting room. Bonnie was with my dad. Thomas showed up right as I was dropped off and walked in with me and Jake and Josh only arrived a few moments before me. I took a deep breath as I opened the curtain and walked in. My heart dropped. He looked awful and was in terrible amounts of pain. His stats were all over the place. His heart was fluctuating between 40-170 and his blood pressure was sky high, especially since he has super low blood pressure normally. The pain medications were not cutting the pain and he was miserable while he awaited his next dose.

I talked to him, but he did not want to be hugged. I listened to what had happened. The surgery was much more involved and complicated than originally planned. As my Dad came out of surgery, he was jerking and seizing. The doctor took full responsibility and said he shouldn't have done so many things in one surgery. The began bleeding soon after and was rushed back in to the surgical room to stop the bleeding. His pain was out of control and his heart was crazy so he was rushed to the hospital.

We discussed my genetic disposition to burning through pain medications so quickly that they are completely out of my system in a quarter of the time of the average human. He said that wasn't good and he wanted someone to ease the pain somehow. I watched as he suffered so much and was so miserable. My strong dad that never shows any emotion, whatsoever, at all, was upset. My heart broke for him.

As we talked, his heart would jump around as he talked and moved. I knew the best thing for him was less people and less interruptions. Sleep was the only thing that would work. I hugged him gently after we visited for a couple of hours and prayed he would get sleep.

The way home was prayers of gratitude and prayers for him to find comfort and relief. Prayers for his recovery. Prayers that this would not be the last time I saw him.

It has been almost 29 years since the dreaded day that my mom passed away. The thought of losing my dad, simply heartbreaking. I knew I was definitely not ready to say goodbye. But was grateful for those promptings and warnings that I felt for the past several months. Because of it, I have said what I want to say, told my dad how I feel and how truly grateful I am for his love, sacrifice and things he has taught me. I am glad I hadn't left anything unsaid.

I know our dear Savior loves us and answers prayers. My prayer was our dear Savior would continue to keep his loving arms around my dad and keep him safe. I held Thomas and Hayden both a little closer that night. Nothing like a good dose of mortality to help you truly see what life is about.