Lymphoma & Nuclear bombs

Cancer has always scared me. I think because my mom died of a brain tumor when I was in high school, that to me, it is the incurable disease. I realize medical advancements have come far since then. Yet, fear still strikes my heart.

Sitting in the doctor's office this last week, those dreaded words were spoken. "We have to do whatever it takes to kill the lymphoma cells that have invaded your body. In addition to the full out attack, that your immune system has placed on your body."

The doctor went on to explain the battle plan and how we were going to attack my own body.

As I was confused and uncertain, and we were attacking so many different issues, I was trying to understand it all.

The doctor explained with nuclear bombs and missile strategic strikes. He explained that chemo number one, that I am currently on, is like a nuclear bomb. And that chemo number 2 that I begin here shortly is more of a targeted missile strategic strike only attacking the lymphoma b cells. He went on to explain that each week they have been letting off a nuclear bomb inside of me, trying to kill the bad, with the good. The new plan is to build up to 4-5 nuclear blasts each week along with a strategic missile strike.

Although Thomas somewhat smiled and laughed at the analogy, and I am grateful he did, as it broke up the intensity and seriousness in the room.

The words of lymphoma cancer cells did not escape me.  The doctor thought with everything else he was saying, that it might.

Yes, I have lymphoma. It is still in the very early stages. I can fight and beat it. We start an all out war here soon.

I have an immune system that has gone so crazy that it is killing me. It is attacking my body so aggressively that the lymphoma cancer is secondary to this problem. It is destroying the joints, the muscles, the ligaments, the cells, the blood vessels, the organs in my body, destroying my brain and setting an attack on my heart. Hence the breathing issues and feeling like I am suffocating all day, every day. Hence the indescribable pain. Hence the dislocated shoulder and dislocated wrist and elbow that the doctors and chiropractors cannot get to stay in socket.

So, my only choice is to try and fight this miserable disease. The treatment should take me within an inch of my life.  But, I am a mom. I am a wife. And I will fight this disease with all I have, with all the strength I can muster and all the help from my Savior above.