Each year brings time for reflection. Each year, as I sit and reflect, I am grateful for the opportunities I have been blessed with and grateful for more experiences under my belt and a closer progression to my Father in Heaven.
As I have reflected deeply this year, my thoughts and feelings have become overwhelmed with so many emotions.
There has never been a crazier year in my life. The beach, over the years, has brought reflections of my mom passing away, my marriage to Thomas, the birth of Hayden, mourned miscarriages and failed adoptions, personal trials and triumphs. This year is different than all the rest. As I sat on the beach and reflected, my heart swelled with gratitude that I am blessed to just be here. I was given a second and third and fourth chance at life. I realize all too well the reality that I should not be sitting here watching from earth but in all reality should be just visiting from life after death.
As I watched Hayden run up to me and hand me his boogie board to watch, my heart grew in love and admiration for this new chance on life I have been given. It is a crazy life. One filled with the unknown, painful days and long sleepless nights. A life filled with constant concern of the next seizure hitting and taking me to the dreadful place that my swelling brain relapses to. I am frightened to do menial tasks such as climb into a car or walk into a movie theater. Yet, I am here. I get to still have earth life experiences with a body that although frail and weak and unreliable is still amazing. I get to hear my son's voice and soak in his laughter. I get to feel the touch of my sweet husband and embrace those I love.
This year has been unbelievably hard. It has caused me to muster more strength than I could have ever imagined. It has stretched my faith and caused me to quake with pain and torment. I have also been the recipient of my Savior's love and care more times than I deserved. I have been blessed with miracles, showered with love and surrounded with earthly and heavenly angels to administer to me.
Yes. Reflection is a funny thing. It eases the pain. Strengthens the resolve. Fills the soul with gratitude. More clearly defines the miracles. And comforts the heart. Just as the waves of the tide are constant and steady, so is our Savior's love. Always there. Always ready for us and always inviting.
I am very grateful to have this second chance on life.
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