Unexpected help

Saturday morning I awoke like many other mornings.... In so much pain I wasn't sure how to pull myself out of bed, much less attend the bridal shower of one of my dear friends. Yet my will over took my pain. I shed tears as I got dressed and put in make up. I opted for my hair up as I just couldn't deal with the effort to curl it. Thomas wrapped the gift as I was too weak to even lift it. Thomas and Hayden cancelled their plans knowing I would be calling for an early ride home.

I walked into the shower with gift in hand. A little one year old walked in front of me. I about cried as it meant walking slower and trying to balance my gift and purse. I thought for sure I was going down. Finally making it into the door and bending to set my gift down caused me to almost collapse onto the couch. I sat as people came and talked to me, unable to stand to hug them. I was grateful when I was introduced to another who has health challenges. While everyone else ate and visited, I was able to sit and speak with her about overcoming challenges and received some valuable hints and advice of how to cope with these multiple diseases. She was shocked when I tried to eat a few blueberries and told me I would pay dearly for it later. With internal paralysis. All fruits and vegetables are out. My,body simply cannot digest them. Only fruits allowed....baby food. 

The shower went well and Toni Call received many great gifts. I guess I looked awful at the end and Julie rushed over to retrieve me and get me out early as I looked dazed and as if I had just endured a seizure. Honestly, I don't know. I lost time and was so confused. She took me home and I slept for the next four hours. 

Thomas said he could hear me calling out for him in my sleep. I kept mumbling. "Not right. Something's really wrong and not right." Thomas couldn't waken me. I was in coma type mode. Alive but unaware. He gave me a blessing since I was mumbling about the fear of something happening. The blessing calmed me and I slept for another three hours sound without yelling for help. 

As I awoke, the phone rang. A friend I hadn't spoken to in a year called to ask me a question regarding my small fiber neuropathy. I met her a year ago through a mutual friend.  She introduced me to my neurologist, Dr Levine. I tan asked her and told her what was going on. We asked her questions. We talked for over two hours. 

What a blessing and tender mercy. I go in in a few hours to discuss immunosuppressant drugs and chemo therapy. Nancy had been in many of the medications the doctors are talking of putting me on. I was so nervous for this appointment. Not sure what to do. Then she calls and we discuss the side effects and benefits. It was comforting. She became deathly ill from the medications but they did calm the disease. That is what I need. Talking to her gave me hope. It gave me light. It helped ease my nerves. 

Most of all, I was keenly aware that I was loved. I was remembered. And my Savior was assuring me that he was aware of my situation. He was letting me know he was walking this with me and sent someone to help me understand my symptoms and disease a little more.  How kind is he! How tender is he to know I was feeling so alone in this. That I was wondering if I could endure it or could even survive it. And wondering if I was worth it. Man this illness takes a greater mental toll than it does physical. And that is saying a lot for how much this effects my physically. 

As I hung up the phone, I located her in Facebook. She then added me to a Small Fiber Neuropathy group in which my doctor is a member. I keep reading. I keep scouring the page for information. I am connecting with those at least facing one of my diseases with me. Someone out there has an idea of what I face. And they struggle and feel inadequate. They too feel so alone. They feel as if their world gets smaller by the weeks and years as people move on with their lives and we are left home bound without many people to talk to. We are forgotten. 

As I recalled the events of the day, I found myself on my knees. Gratitude sprung from my heart. Thankfulness. Mercy. Tender mercies and move surrounded me. My Savior knew I needed support. He knew I felt so alone. He knew I was struggling with such life altering and hard decisions. And he led someone to me that could help. That didn't hardly know me but cared. My hope grew. My determination to beat this became more intense. I remembered I fight this for me and Thomas and Hayden. And for my Savior. To show those around members that he does still work miracles. That he is good and kind and loving and merciful. And that with his help, I can do this. Words cannot express the gratitude I felt. I have someone else who understands and that is priceless.