Nuclear bins and strategic missile strikes

My Doctor appointment at the end of March was eventful. We discussed new seizure medications, new medications to ease the myclonic seizures, we talked of options for trying to ease the neuropathic nerve pain that has me absolutely wanting to crawl into a ball and nerve leave, it is getting so intense., we discussed a couple of different clinical trials, genetic testing and then increasing my current chemo and adding a second to it. I was overwhelmed and confused!

After 3 pages of notes, I asked for clarification on a few things. My neurologist, a great guy, distinguished and top notch in his field, leaned back and started to use his hands.

He explained it this way...Right now, we have you on a chemo medication that is like a nuclear bomb. It goes in and destroys everything. Our hope is that it will kill or destroy everything in its path, therefore taking out the bad with the good. The second chemo medication we want to put you on is more like an assault strike. It goes in and targets only the lymphoma cells. Leaving the rest of the cells in tact.

So right now we are hitting you with one nuclear bomb a week. We need to up the chemo to five nukes per week and then send a strategic missile attack right behind in case the nuclear bomb missed anything.

We are hoping that this will kill all the bad stuff in you because we are not sure what else to do. It is multiplying and reproducing faster than we can stop it.

I see a huge smile stretched across Thomas' face and he begins to laugh. Seriously, in my doctor appointment, he starts to laugh.

I asked him why after. He said that one, our lives have turned into nuclear bomb attacks and two, I could see you starting to get upset. I knew our choice was to laugh or cry. I knew there would be plenty of time to cry later, so why not laugh.

So, my world has come down to being nuked and then missiles trying to defeat my body.

I pray this works. Because the medicines are making me so incredibly sick.


I am so grateful for Thomas. He helps me to laugh when it seems like the only option is to cry. He makes my world a better place.