Scary day

What a scary day. 

First, Hayden and I were rock stars. Since I didn't have a ride, we walked to the lab. It wasn't far but considering I can't walk down the street, it was a feat. I felt so liberated. So alive. So not like an infant. It about killed me off but it was heavenly. Although, I walked in the house and fell on the couch. Simply collapsed. I slept for hours and hours. 

Then the scariest thing happened this afternoon. I quit  breathing completely. Hayden ran house to house and Thômas called to find someone to give me a blessing and go to ER. The doctors panicked. I was in horrific pain and so much fear. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't swallow. My air ways closed off. I was gasping for air. The itching began all over. My blood pressure dramatically dropped to coma stats. Anxiety took over. In fact, I stayed remarkably calm but had to be outside to feel oxygen moving. My feet and hands turned blue. 

No one was home. I couldn't call 911. I was so afraid they wouldn't let Hayden come. With np where for him to go, I knew fear would overcome him. 

So instead, Hayden and I knelt down and prayed. We pleaded for help. For relief. For a measure of a miracle to overcome me. Thomas left work. It was a long thirty minutes. So scary. 

I fought thru and told Thomas to head back before he got here. The panicked stopped and am deep exhaustion hit me. So tired. My blueness left. But the breathing still was restricted and hurt. 

The doctors believe a new problem has begun. On to more specialists next week. I'm praying they can stop this. They believe the anaphylaxis shock is due to all eating. For weeks, with each bite of food, my breathing has gotten worse. The last two days, simply awful. So a referral to a trachea doctor has become a priority. I am now praying. Ok pleading that a tracheotomy isn't necessary. If so, I don't think I can do it. I have fought so long and so hard. But a trachea port.  I just don't know if I am strong enough for that. I'd rather have a feeding tube and no longer eat. 

I'm so worried. My heart is aching. This disease just keeps becoming more damaged and more severe. It's been such a scary day for me and Thomas and Hayden. 

I'm grateful Thomas felt secure enough to leave me and go to Civil War with Hayden at the movies. Opening night and so important to Hayden. I'm grateful for a husband that trusts my health to our loving Savior. He knows when our Savior steps in and I will be ok. 

Prayers. Please. I need them so bad right now. I am terrified at what my future may be. I know there are only a few that read this but I believe in the power of prayer. I believe my Savior listens to prayers. I know He hears them. I've been the recipient of so many answered prayers. I pray that he protects me from this latest complication. I'm so scared. I just don't know how to handle this hurdle. And by the way, having a swelling reaction every time I eat, it isn't fun. Yet it is life. And I am grateful for life.