Hospital - Epilepsy Monitoring

Yes, it is true. I was re-admitted into Banner Good Samaritan Hospital to get hooked back up to the EEG machines to test for Epilepsy. The doctors are struggling to determine what is happening to me and my body. Jodi took me in and I could barely get hooked up to all those wires. There were so many, tangled everywhere and I didn't like it. The point at which I about freaked out was when they locked, yes with a key, locked me into the bed. My claustrophobia about had the best of me and I couldn't handle it. There were tears. There were blessings. There were so many people that took care of me. So many took care of Hayden. Family and friends made all sorts of sacrifices to take care of me both physically and emotionally.

The doctors know there is something really wrong. The doctors know I am having seizures or events of some sort. The doctors know that I cannot eat without being horribly sick. The doctors know that I am continuing to get sicker. The doctors know that my body is producing more neuromas. The doctors know the pain is almost unbearable. The doctors know that these events are causing all kinds of problems. What they don't know is what to do about it. They don't know how to fix it. They don't know exactly what is wrong or what happened to start it all.

In the middle of all of this.... I know that my Father in Heaven understands it all. My fears, my pain, my problems, my health issues, my strength, my hope, my desire to live, my abilities to fight, my willingness to live, my fears, my diagnosis, my love for my family and my love of Him.

I know that because of receiving priesthood blessings, that I will live through this. I know I will be able to fight this. I know that I will be able to find the strength to keep going. I know I trust my Father in Heaven and that although this is beyond my abilities, it is not beyond HIS ability to beat this. I am so grateful that I have this knowledge, this peace, this guidance. Without it, my world would be very dark and bleak. With it, I have hope and reassurance and promises that someday, I will again be well.

The fight is hard. Each day is a battle to get up, keep fighting and reaching down to find the strength to again face doctors, my health challenges and face the unknown future. But, I have been blessed with the knowledge that families are forever. I have been blessed with the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have been blessed to know the plan of salvation and the pathway to return to my Father in Heaven. I have been blessed with the most amazing husband. He loves me, cherishes me and serves me constantly. I have the best son. I have the most amazing and supportive and loving family. They have given and given and given to me. They have hauled me to doctors, sat with me at the hospital, laid on the couch next to me, flown in to see me, made me laugh, made me smile, had fun with Hayden, cooked for me, baked me treats, held my hair while I was sick, loved me, laughed with me and given their all for me. I don't think there has ever been anyone on this earth that is luckier than I am. I am so blessed. I feel so loved. I feel so lucky to be surrounded with such amazing people that have given and given to me and my family to make this trial and burden lighter. My heart is full with gratitude and thanks. I hope each of these special people know how much I love and appreciate them.

So, each day is a new adventure. Each day is a gift. Each day is a blessing. I am so grateful for each day that I grow stronger. I am cherishing each day and the blessings and joys and memories that it brings. And, although some days are hard, I know I am not alone. For my older brother, Jesus Christ, walks this path with me and with Him by my side, I know I can do this.